For anyone that's ever tried giving a tablet to a cat

Mr C · Mar 1, 2018

That's about the long and longer of it..

bossman said: ↑

your vet as prescribed some pills to be given orally to the cat. Not the easiest task in the world, I'm sure you will agree. However you need to follow this fool proof method

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foul Wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from the garden
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cats head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in a drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink beer to take away taste. Apply band aid to partners forearm and remove blood from carpets with soap and water.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave its head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour yourself a shot and drink it. Apply compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away fetch new one from bedroom
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap
13. Tie the little b***tards front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cats throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters
Click to expand...

hh

Merde Tete · Mar 1, 2018

bossman said: ↑

your vet as prescribed some pills to be given orally to the cat. Not the easiest task in the world, I'm sure you will agree. However you need to follow this fool proof method

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foul Wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from the garden
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cats head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in a drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink beer to take away taste. Apply band aid to partners forearm and remove blood from carpets with soap and water.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave its head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour yourself a shot and drink it. Apply compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away fetch new one from bedroom
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap
13. Tie the little b***tards front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cats throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters
Click to expand...

My missus and her mum once gave her cat an injection. The cat made the most horrible noise I'd heard an animal make, since the same cat went outside in the mud and had to be given a shower.

Tilertoes · Mar 1, 2018

Mr Badger said: ↑

As a dog lover..... why on earth have a cat ?
Click to expand...

As a badger lover, why have a dog ?

jedstar · Mar 1, 2018

With my old cat, who we got a couple of weeks before Barnsley played West Ham in the first PL game, I spent ages faffing around trying to hide the tablet inside a piece of meat from the cat food - that did work, although one day I just offered the tablet to her and she gobbled it up as it was!

Had her put to sleep a few months ago with kidney failure though bless her, lovely cat, I've got two 18 month old ones now, absolute little sh*ts the pair of em.

shed131 · Mar 1, 2018

bossman said: ↑

your vet as prescribed some pills to be given orally to the cat. Not the easiest task in the world, I'm sure you will agree. However you need to follow this fool proof method

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foul Wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from the garden
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cats head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in a drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink beer to take away taste. Apply band aid to partners forearm and remove blood from carpets with soap and water.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave its head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour yourself a shot and drink it. Apply compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away fetch new one from bedroom
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap
13. Tie the little b***tards front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cats throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters
Click to expand...

Never had you down Roy as a bloke who had problems around pussy .....obvious it seems i was wrong.Roy lad ....pmsl... this is the last place id have made it known that you cant get pussy to take it ....ROFL....

pingiskola · Mar 2, 2018

bossman said: ↑

your vet as prescribed some pills to be given orally to the cat. Not the easiest task in the world, I'm sure you will agree. However you need to follow this fool proof method

1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
4. Take new pill from foul Wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from the garden
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cats head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in a drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink beer to take away taste. Apply band aid to partners forearm and remove blood from carpets with soap and water.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave its head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour yourself a shot and drink it. Apply compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away fetch new one from bedroom
12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap
13. Tie the little b***tards front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cats throat to wash down pill.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters
Click to expand...

Roy,
You absolute tw@t, I've wet myself reading that and can't finish my breakfast. Classic mate, and our lass wants you to come and give our little treasure some tablets

Bossman · Mar 2, 2018

pingiskola said: ↑

Roy,
You absolute tw@t, I've wet myself reading that and can't finish my breakfast. Classic mate, and our lass wants you to come and give our little treasure some tablets
Click to expand...

Mr C · Mar 2, 2018

Not a tablet, but I used to have one with an annoying habit of crashing out on my open laptop...

Brush · Mar 2, 2018

iPad?

For anyone that's ever tried giving a tablet to a cat

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