Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    If I'd been given 50p each time I failed a maths test, I'd now have £7.39.
     
    Stahlrost, Apr 2, 2018
    #221
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  2. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    My wife told me she was leaving me due to my obsession with my job as a checkout operator at Asda.

    I said 'would you like any help with your packing?'
     
    SuperTyke, Apr 2, 2018
    #222
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  3. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

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    What does Speedy Gonzales have underneath his carpet??

    Underlay, Underlay!!
     
    Julian Broddle's Perm, Apr 2, 2018
    #223
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  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    A coach load of Japanese tourists has been robbedat gunpoint in London this morning . Police haven't caught them, but have 240 pictures of the offenders
     
    Connor, Apr 2, 2018
    #224
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  5. Archey

    Archey Well-Known Member

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    Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

    Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

    Doctor: "Nine...... Eight....."
     
    Archey, Apr 2, 2018
    #225
  6. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    After weeks on the ST diet with no weight loss, I've just started the pineapple diet. It's brilliant. You can eat anything you want, apart from pineapple.
     
    Stahlrost, Apr 2, 2018
    #226
  7. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    I walked down a street where the houses were numbered 64K, 128K, 256K, 512K and 1MB.

    That was a trip down memory lane
     
    SuperTyke, Apr 2, 2018
    #227
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  8. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    That sat nav I bought from Toys R Us closing down sale,is crap,all it says is are we there yet.
     
    Connor, Apr 2, 2018
    #228
  9. How

    HowMuch! Well-Known Member

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    Generally men have more hair than women but on the whole women have more hair than men .
     
    HowMuch!, Apr 2, 2018
    #229
  10. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    How to tell the sex of an ant.

    Place them in a glass of water.

    If they sink they are female ants.

    If they float they are boy ant.
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #230
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  11. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thanks HSBC for my loans and credit cards.

    I don’t know how I can ever repay you!
     
    Connor, Apr 3, 2018
    #231
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  12. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    Conjunctivitis.com



    That's a site for sore eyes.
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #232
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  13. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    Just found out my uncle has left me a stately home in his will.
    I have no idea where Sod Hall is, I'm just off to Google it now!
     
    TonyTyke, Apr 3, 2018
    #233
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  14. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    Exit signs are definitely on the way out.
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #234
  15. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    I met the man who invented crosswords the other day. Trying to remember his name. It was P something T something R
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #235
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  16. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    "Shot through the heart and you're to blame
    You give international archery a bad name "
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #236
  17. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    When I die I hope it's peacefully in my sleep just like how.my father passed away.

    Sadly you couldn't say the same for the 45 passengers on his coach.
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #237
  18. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
     
    TonyTyke, Apr 3, 2018
    #238
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  19. Bak

    Baka Well-Known Member

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    I wondered why the cricket-ball was getting bigger: and then it hit me.
     
    Baka, Apr 3, 2018
    #239
  20. Jack Tatty

    Jack Tatty Well-Known Member

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    I once had a nightmare I was chopping up vegetables.


    Talk about dicing with death.
     
    Jack Tatty, Apr 3, 2018
    #240
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