I am getting ready for a new season. I need socks. Something untoward leaps out of me from amidst the drawer. Me : Oh my ! It's you!! Where the hell have you been all this time? Monkey : Erm...you put me away in here and forgot all about me. Me : Oh. Well you were a bit of a nuisance. Following me round to football matches. Monkey : Can I come with you ? I will be good. I'd like to see how Barnsley F.C. have got on without me. Monkey : Wow, the ground's undergone massive changes in six years. Well perhaps that bit behind the trees has. Monkey : I see they've STILL not finished painting my fence in six years. Monkey : Whoooop ! It's good to be BACK !! Premiership here we come !! YOOOOOOOUUU REDDDDDSSS! Me : cough ! championship here we come... Monkey : CRIPES...you mean....oh ****....we went down ? Me : down then up then down again. Monkey : Where's Mark Robbins ? Me : Coventry I think Monkey : We sent him to Coventry? What then ? Me : Not sure. Might have been Keith Hill. Monkey : That funny man from Rochdale ? Me : That's him. Things went wrong. Monkey : Can't have been his fault though surely !? Poor chap. Did everyone blame him for everything ? Me : Then there was Flicker and everything was going to be all right and we weren't to worry about a ting. And Jedinak scored for Palace and we were safe then we weren't. Monkey : Gosh....and...? Me : A funny little man came but nobody liked him much. Monkey : Who are we playing anyway ? Me : Oxford Monkey : Have we ever played them before ? Me : Yes, we beat them at Wembley in the ... MOnkey : Hang on!! You went to Wembley without ME???? Me: Cough...yes...TWICE lol. Well you weren't much use in 2008. Monkey : SIgh. Well at least we are winning 2-0 now. Monkey : Never heard of any of these. Who was manager at Wembley? Me : Hecky Monkey : The one that used to play for us ? What happened to him ? Me : He went to Leeds. Monkey : What? For the day ? Me: Something like that. Monkey : Silly man. Monkey : Are you rubbing that man's leg ? Me : NO! Monkey : You are. You perv. Me : THREE nil!! Monkey : FOUR nil. And is that big daft sod still in the West stand lower ? Me : Which one ? Monkey : The chicken dance one who blamed me for getting his season ticket confiscated? Me : No idea. Are you actually watching the game ? Monkey : What about after Hecky ? Me : Can't remember. Nobody knew what he was on about at all. Believe in this believe in that believe in ****ing fairies Monkey : And we got relegated. Sigh. Never mind. We can play Rochdale. Then we hear the pitter patter or pitter clump of tiny feet and another familiar face appears... Ronni : Will you two give over ! That's fakest chuffin fake repoart thus eva been. Tha'ant bin in sock drawer an she ant forgot thi ever
Maureen's not complaining. My paws are blue because I fell into an ice-cream in Peel Square because there were no benches to sit on.