o/t - boiled goldfish, advice needed

He lives in Russia which would be a bit of an issue. The goldfish might get lost on its way across the North Sea

 

I reckon Gally's malnourishment idea is a winner. My daughter is 7 and i think there would be a good chance she'd fall for that

 

I'm an adult and I think I'd fall for it

 

She's only been away for a week! I reckon it's a very risky tactic.

Having said that, my dad bought me a pet snake from Knaresborough Zoo when I was a kid, which mysteriously disappeared very shortly after it had moved in. My dad told me that it had escaped (adding for effect that it had probably slithered off to the railway station and got on a train to York), which I swallowed completely and never thought to question. It only dawned on me years later that what had actually happened (probably) was that my mum had gone absolute apeshit, and forced my dad to take Hissing Sid back to Knaresborough.

 

It would have to make it to the North Sea first, all the way through the Baltic!

 

Pay attention. You're buying it from Wentworth from where it will make its way into the Dearne, Don and Ouse before starting its perilous journey across the North Sea. Only after that will it don its winter gear and go for a dip in the Baltic

 

Fair point! I won't be holding my breath mind. I've heard that goldfish don't get on very well in saltwater. It's probably nearly as bad for them as spending the day in an aquarium the temperature of a chip pan.

 

Mmm fish and chips

 

When mine suddenly disappeared I feared the worst but my mrs assured me that he'd just gone looking for Dory, It's been a few years now and he still hasn't returned but I'm happy in the knowledge that if anything has happened to him he died a hero.

 

Sounds like another Novichok case to me.

 

‘‘Twas me.

 

Buy two of the smaller fish then tell her it split like an amoeba, problem solved and a science lesson all in one.

 

Long swim to St Petersburg …

 

Just be honest, explain that the said dearly loved pet has been the subject of a brutal and painful death.

You may also have to explain that due to the nature of its demise, it is unlikely to go to the great pond in the sky as it has had its soul boiled out of existence....

Failing that, explain that some breeds of goldfish actually change colour as they age, sometimes adopting the colour of their surroundings. So it is still in the bowl but has become somewhat a chameleon fish so is very hard to see.

I once had a large tropical fish tank that I filled but never got round to adding any fish before I sold it. Had a few people stay over and kept them occupied for hours looking for my japanese hiding fish..

 

Buy a cat....claim cat ate the goldfish.

Downside is that this involves buying a cat.

 

Its just pining for the Fjords.

 

Stuff one of the smaller goldfish inside the dead one and bang it in the tank just before she opens the front door.

 

Tell her you've bought it a camouflage jacket

 

Just tell her the truth that it died. She won't be as devastated this time as it won't be the huge shock of it being the first time a pet of hers has died. I wouldn't tell her how it happened though, that's a bit too much information. I had 3 fish in a row that all died within a few months of getting them (we got one after the other). By then, it was just a case of 'oh well, shall we get another'. We almost didn't get the 4th one as it seemed a bit pointless after our other failures but it ended up living 14 years! My mam named it Bruce after Bruce Dyer.

 

When daughter returns place said deceased goldfish next to tank and tell her it must have had a dream it was a salmon in the night and jumped out.

(this is exactly what my dad said to me when my goldfish died when I was a nipper)