Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    3,659
    Likes Received:
    3,710
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Brilliant!
     
    Duntpasstome and BobT like this.
  2. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    10,382
    Likes Received:
    9,125
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    T'Well
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I have this agnostic dyslexic friend who suffers from insomnia, he lays awake all night wondering wether there is or isn't a dog
     
  3. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    10,382
    Likes Received:
    9,125
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    T'Well
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Not sure if av posted this joke but here goes.

    I had this massive bee flying around the house the other day chuffin 100mph then SPLAT straight into window , what was the last thing that went through it head?.....................It's arse.
     
  4. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    52,896
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)

    Roland rat, top cat, Michael fish you lying twät :D:D:D
     
    TonyTyke, Austiniho and Duntpasstome like this.
  5. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    10,382
    Likes Received:
    9,125
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    T'Well
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Teacher in English class say to her pupils "right class I want you to give me a sentence with the word contagious in it"

    So Sally put her hand up and said " I wouldn't be allowed into school if I had chicken pox as it is highly contagious"

    Very good said the teacher.

    Little Billy put his hand up, yes Billy said the teacher to which he replied:

    " I was walking to school this morning and saw a bloke on a roof painting it with a toothbrush and I thought to myself it's going to take that cnutages"
     
    JamDrop, DSLRed and TitusMagee like this.
  6. TitusMagee

    TitusMagee Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2018
    Messages:
    8,599
    Likes Received:
    13,262
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Silkstone Common
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    "Michael Fish you lying ****" is a quality line!!

    Edit: @SuperTyke i see you liked that line too :)
     
  7. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,344
    Likes Received:
    14,519
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My daughter is a school teacher in Shetland. As she was delivering her lesson the kids soon picked up on her accent and asked where she come from. Well seeing the opportunity of an impromptu geography lesson she said Dundee. Then asked if anyone knew where Dundee was. A wee lad at the back shot up his hand and said Aye Miss they are bottom of the league.
     
  8. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,103
    Likes Received:
    3,881
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
  9. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    52,896
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Got a new boss at work. On his first day he said to me "you're a terrible puppeteer. How did you get this job?"

    I said "a friend of mine pulled some strings"
     
    Connor likes this.
  10. pompey_red

    pompey_red Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2005
    Messages:
    13,224
    Likes Received:
    9,034
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Fareham
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley Dark
    Manchester United
     
    BobT and arabian_ian like this.
  11. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    3,659
    Likes Received:
    3,710
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Crying Manchester United “fans”
     
  12. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    52,896
    Likes Received:
    25,954
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    To the man who stole all my anti depressants. I hope you're happy now
     
    Hooky feller, BobT and arabian_ian like this.
  13. Tyke_67

    Tyke_67 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    14,777
    Likes Received:
    20,364
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    A pound coin was thrown on the pitch at the Sheff Wednesday game last week. Police are trying to determine if it was a missile or a takeover bid.
     
    Ellie and Metatarsal like this.
  14. Tyke_67

    Tyke_67 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    14,777
    Likes Received:
    20,364
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    What does a Sheff Wednesday fan do after watching their team win the Premier League?

    Turn off the Playstation.
     
    Ellie and Farnham_Red like this.
  15. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2016
    Messages:
    8,216
    Likes Received:
    7,042
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired.
    Location:
    Ossett.
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION.


    The war is over but on a remote island, a group of Japanese soldiers oblivious to that fact.
    continue to offer resistance . The British Army send one of their top officers Colonel Blashford-Smithers
    and a crack unit of SAS soldiers to attempt flush the group out and get them to surrender.
    They are guided to a river by overhead surveillance and eventually spot a Japanese sniper up a tree.
    The General calls for a loud hailer and moving the bank shouts across to river to him.
    " The war is over, lay down your arms." Pointing at the soldier he then makes a front crawl swimming action asking "are you Navy", then thrusting his arm backwards and forwards whilst shouting " boom, boom, boom", he then asks or are you Artillery," then putting his clenched fists up to his eyes, he finally asks " or are you Observer Corps" . "Navy, Artillery or Observer Corps."? The soldier promptly jumps down from the tree and runs into the camp where his colleagues are. His Commanding Officers asks " why you leave liver bank."? He replies " I see Blitish soldier, he says the war is over. Lay down your arms, or I am going to swim liver and f*ck you till your eyes pop out."
     
  16. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Messages:
    5,871
    Likes Received:
    3,062
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Did you realise, if it wasn't for venetian blinds it would be curtains for all of us!
     
    Donny Red likes this.
  17. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2013
    Messages:
    17,682
    Likes Received:
    17,693
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Leeds
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
  18. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    6,603
    Likes Received:
    4,180
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Pulled a gypsy bird last night. She asked me if I wanted to go back to hers for a good time...

    She wasn't kidding...... I went on the dodgems, waltzers, ghost train and came home with a goldfish :D
     
    Thrappo Tyke, Marlon, Mido and 2 others like this.
  19. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    10,382
    Likes Received:
    9,125
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    T'Well
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I was in the Silkstone yesterday & this bloke walked in wearing a black tea shirt, black shorts & black socks with white trims, a ball under his arm and a whistle. I thought to myself, he going to kick off in a minute.
     
    BobT likes this.
  20. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,103
    Likes Received:
    3,881
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)

Share This Page