Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    First man says. My dog has no nose.
    Second man asks. How does he smell?
    First man says. Fkn awful.
     
    arabian_ian, Dec 18, 2018
    #641
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  2. ScubaTyke

    ScubaTyke Well-Known Member

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    Arthur is 85 years of age. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago.

    One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf.

    My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went."

    His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try."

    "That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help."

    "He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect."

    So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

    He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

    He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?"

    "Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight."

    "Where did it go ?" asks Arthur.

    "Can't remember."
     
    ScubaTyke, Dec 19, 2018
    #642
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  3. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    5237267F-9915-4DE7-A82D-63B17790AA98.jpeg
     
    Connor, Dec 19, 2018
    #643
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  4. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    My children want a cat for Christmas. I usually cook a turkey but what the hell. If it makes them happy a cat it will be
     
    arabian_ian, Dec 19, 2018
    #644
  5. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Fridays chronic

    A fortune teller said I was gonna get a load of money coming my way .
    next day
    I was hit with a securicor van
     
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2018
    Marlon, Dec 20, 2018
    #645
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  6. ScubaTyke

    ScubaTyke Well-Known Member

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    When I go to someone's house and they tell me to make myself at home, the first thing I do is throw them out because I don't like visitors.
     
    ScubaTyke, Dec 20, 2018
    #646
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  7. dek

    dekparker Well-Known Member

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    dekparker, Dec 20, 2018
    #647
  8. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    According to Monty Python's Flying Circus that was the joke that won the war. It was translated into German and read at the from line causing the enemy to die laughing. It was so deadly that no British soldier was allowed to hear the whole of the joke. Soldiers were only allowed to know one line each.
     
    Didcot Red, Dec 20, 2018
    #648
  9. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    It came back to me mate. I thought it was labeled the worst joke in the world. Still the old ones are the best.
     
    arabian_ian, Dec 20, 2018
    #649
  10. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

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    JamDrop, Dec 20, 2018
    #650
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  11. Prince of Risborough

    Prince of Risborough Well-Known Member

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    Prince of Risborough, Dec 20, 2018
    #651
  12. scarf

    scarf Well-Known Member

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    Little lad walks into the bathroom and sees his mam in the bath. "What's that between your legs mam?"
    "Oh" says his mam, flustered, "that's where your dad hit me with the hatchet."
    Lad runs out to his dad "Good shot Dad - reyt in t' lovely person!"

    I know, sorry.
     
    scarf, Dec 20, 2018
    #652
  13. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    Girl: come over

    Guy: I’m coming over

    Girl: we should stop using walkie talkies in bed over
     
    TonyTyke, Dec 22, 2018
    #653
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  14. anstonred

    anstonred Well-Known Member

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    It’s the width of the road that makes the return journey difficult
     
    anstonred, Dec 22, 2018
    #654
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  15. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Dec 23, 2018
    #655
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  16. bright red

    bright red Well-Known Member

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    I think that the days of the Advent Calendar are numbered.
     
    bright red, Dec 24, 2018
    #656
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  17. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    I got mugged by 6 dwarfs last night.

    Not Happy.
     
    arabian_ian, Dec 24, 2018
    #657
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  18. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    arabian_ian, Dec 24, 2018
    #658
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  19. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    That could easily be me.
     
    TonyTyke, Dec 24, 2018
    #659
  20. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Yey I got an Amazon Echo for Xmas. I asked it what women want? Bloomin thing hasn't stopped talking for 2 hrs now!
     
    Connor, Dec 25, 2018
    #660
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