Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    Take it you just wasted 4 mins of your life on that one
     
    shed131, Apr 21, 2019
    #901
  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Apr 22, 2019
    #902
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  3. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    Austiniho, Apr 22, 2019
    #903
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  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Apr 22, 2019
    #904
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  5. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Apr 24, 2019
    #905
  6. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Just phoned Radio Tay to enter their Mystery Prize competition.
    The presenter answered and said,
    "Congratulations on being our first caller, all you need to do is answer the following question correctly, to win our Mystery Grand Star Prize".
    "Brilliant " I said.
    The presenter said ,It's a Maths Question
    Great I said ,I love maths, feeling confident.
    "Ok then, to win our grand prize of 2 tickets to a Dundee game and meet the players after the game.
    What is 2+2 ?
    "7", I replied.
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 25, 2019
    #906
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  7. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

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    Two liars having a disscusion as to whome was the greatest liar.

    Liar 1 "I actually swam up the Niagra falls last week with my arms & legs tied together"

    Liar 2 " Yes I know, I saw you do it"
     
    thetykester, Apr 27, 2019
    #907
  8. Gimson&theBarnsleys

    Gimson&theBarnsleys Well-Known Member

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    Lifted from the Sunderland forum:
    "the lass serving behind the bar had a gob like a burnt out fuse box" - chortle!
     
    Gimson&theBarnsleys, Apr 27, 2019
    #908
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  9. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Just returned some books to the library. All of 'em great reading:

    Obesity:The Growing Menace - Hugh Jarse
    Home Furnishings - Walter Walcarpet
    Fast Food:The Great British Takeaway - Donna K Babb
    Coming Out:My Journey To Gay Freedom - Phil McCrevice
    How To Grow Old Gracefully - Jerry Attrick
    Memoirs Of A Female Jockey - Gigi Ryder
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Apr 29, 2019
    #909
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  10. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

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    In 1967 after her trip to the States, Government Minister Barbara Castle came back to the UK and introduced legislation to allow Police to carry out roadside checks using the breathalyser to test motorists suspected of drink driving. I was in the kitchen, so I don't know if I heard it right on the TV this morning, but I'm sure they said that the Home Secretary
    is going to ban **** at Christmas.!!
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2019
    Donny Red, May 1, 2019
    #910
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  11. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    Surely you mean Barbara Castle who was Transport Minister around that time. Barbara Cartland was an author of sloppy romantic love stories.
     
    Didcot Red, May 1, 2019
    #911
  12. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

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    I did DR When I was posting my wife was watching a recording on the Royals and it mentioned
    Lady Diana who's stepmother was Raine, Barbara Cartlands daughter. Like to say that you spotted
    my deliberate mistake, but it wasn't, it was a Senior moment. Cheers.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2019
    Donny Red, May 1, 2019
    #912
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  13. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    A Sheffield united fan, A Barnsley fan and a Sheffield Wednesday fan were all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze. All of a sudden Saudi police rushed in and arrested them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they were sentenced to death! However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, they were able to successfully appeal their sentence down to life imprisonment.
    By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi National Holiday the day their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip. As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh suddenly said: "today" is my first wife's birthday, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."
    The Wednesday fan was first in line (he had consumed the least), so he thought about it for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."
    This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through it. The Wednesday fan had to be carried away bleeding and crying when the punishment was done.
    The Sheffield United fan was next up (he almost finished a half a crate), and after watching the scene, said: "Please fix two pillows on my back."
    But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and he squealed like a pig.
    The Barnsley fan was the last one up (he had finished off the crate), but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "You are from a most beautiful part of England, your Town has some of the best and most loyal football fans in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"
    "Cheers mate, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Barnsley fan replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes."
    "Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face. "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish? What is it to be?" the Sheik asked.
    "Tie that Wednesday fan to my back!
     
    Austiniho, May 2, 2019
    #913
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  14. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, May 7, 2019
    #914
  15. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, May 8, 2019
    #915
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  16. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Just got back from a sea fishing trip, saw a Russian Spy Whale off the coast of flamboro, Police suspect it might av a sinister Porpoise
     
    Winker, May 8, 2019
    #916
  17. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    A lorry carrying a load of timber has collided with a van loaded with strawberry conserve on the M62. Emergency services are doing all they can to prevent a logjam.
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, May 8, 2019
    #917
  18. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, May 10, 2019
    #918
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  19. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, May 12, 2019
    #919
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  20. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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    RedStriker, May 14, 2019
    #920
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