New Parent Help

As I posted on here, we had a baby girl on 28th November. She was a really good baby for the first couple of weeks but since then she’s developed really bad ‘silent’ reflux, which basically means she constantly has heartburn/acid reflux without being sick but is in agony and cries more than she sleeps, or so it feels.

I’m sure she’s not the first baby to experience this and won’t be the last, but we really are struggling mentally to deal with it. I am working from home full time, which is a blessing and a curse at the same time but we don’t really get any support from family due to lockdown (we’re in a support bubble with my in laws but that’s it, and there’s not a lot they can do to help). I’ve suffered with mental health issues for years and my wife struggles with confidence etc and I would say struggles mentally at times too.

So my request for the forum, any tips to help us get through this?? We’re feeling a bit alone and overwhelmed if I’m honest but we are coping and muddling through, but hardly flourishing.

Can you please refrain from medical advice and tips for Mabel? We have done lots of reading and have a supportive GP who is going through the treatments with her. More advice on that front will only muddle my mind more.

 

Right here's serious Gord. Are you breastfeeding? Not you personally, obviously.. the reason I'm asking is my little lad had it.

 

No neither me or the wife are!

 

My first had really bad colic so I sympathise. Being sleep deprived is a big shock to the system. Tag team as regards getting sleep, try to nap when Mabel does and dont worry about housework beyond the basics. Are in-laws able to take her out in her pram for a bit?

 

Does anti-reflux milk not help? Ours was a nightmare with throwing up for a couple of weeks until we got her on it instead of normal milk & it solved it instantly.

I feel for you. My wife relied on her mum who used to be a nurse loads when ours was born & I think we would’ve both cracked up if she didn’t have her mum to help out.

All I can say is just try not to lose your temper with each other. Nothing worse than falling out with your Mrs on top of feeling useless & sleep deprived.

 

I know you didn't want any medical advice but we fed him on Aptamil anti-reflux with gaviscon in it, that really helped us. We went to the GPs on numerous occasions and was told he's a sickly baby. It was my partners third child so she used to say to them he's not a sickly baby etc etc... when we were finally referred to the hospital we were told he had gastroesophageal reflux, prescribed domperidone and it sorted him out.

Split the feeds between you, night on, night off and keep her upright as much as possible during the day. Ask your employer if you can stagger your start/finish times to try and catch up on sleep on a morning. It won't last forever, by the time he was a toddler we were over the worst.

 

Oh mate, you have my sympathies. You didn't ask for them and they won't help you, but you have them.

Our first was the same and we rarely got more than 45 minutes of undisturbed sleep because of reflux and you sit there powerless listening to what sounds like agonised screaming.

I know that you didn't ask for medical advice, but one (mildly effective) thing we were told to do was to put some books under one side of the cot mattress so that the mattress "wedges".

It only helped a little and we eventually decided that doing a day on and a day off each day just meant we were both knackered on alternative days and unable to function.

We ended up living in separate rooms for over 6 months and doing two days on and two days off so that we got one "good" night occasionally.

The only thing I can say is try and look at it as marathon training, it's hard and painful at first but does get easier. Eventually she'll improve and 12 years later the wife and I laugh about it. If you'd have told me 12 years ago we'd be laughing eventually I'd have probably punched you.

 

The keeping the baby upright is good advice. Especially after feeds. Patience when winding/burping them helps too. Try n' make sure they get something up.

Laura had terrible depression just after George was born. She wouldn't sleep during the day when he slept. She was knackered when I got in from work. I'd advise taking it in turns sleeping with you working from home. Best way to combat moods is avoid technology and social media facebook etc when you're supposed to be resting.

I can't give medical advice because luckily we only experience nights where Grorge won't sleep or wakes up at weird times.

There is no right and wrong as well when it comes to parenting. Follow guidelines but trust your intuition.

 

Only advice I can give is know that is gets better in time on its own. Colic lasts until 3/4 months of age so even though every day may feel like torture now, there is an end in sight and she will grow out of it, you just have to get to that point and you will get there. It peaks at around 6 weeks of age and then starts to slowly improve so you're probably at the worst of it now or thereabouts. I'd be tempted even to mark a date of 12 weeks old on the calender so you can see yourself getting closer to the end point and if things improve sooner than that date then even better. Join some other forums and talk to others who have babies who have colic too, even if it's just so you can moan together and sympathise with each other in the early hours so you don't feel alone.

 

Sorry to hear this Wellsie, our first grandchild is now 6 months old and has been going through the same thing. I found it heartbreaking to hear him scream with the pain. The muscle which prevents the reflux can take up to 9 months to grow,his has almost grown back now. This has enabled him to feed well and he is thriving. We still keep him upright for 20 minutes after feeding,you've probably been given the same advice, also putting a cushion under the change mat when changing nappies, can help too. Paediatric Gaviscon has been helpful before feeds or can be added to Formula Milk bottles.
I empathise with what you are going through and so would my daughter. I have never seen it so bad. If you can still utilise the support that you've got already and extend it if possible. There are online forums as well for new parents,which could be helpful,as Health Visitors are not visiting, which new parents need.
Me or someone else saying it will get better with time, isn't of any help. Hopefully the times when your daughter isn't in pain,are filling you with joy and hope for the future.
All the best to you and your family,keep talking to people and take on board all the help from your GP.

 

Hi Wellsie

Sounds very similar to what my eldest girl had when she was a baby.

She had all the common symptoms of colic/reflux and constantly cried in pain from 7pm to 7am so I completely understand where you are coming from. We were shattered as parents and I’m not scared to admit that the lack of sleep made me edge towards the edge of some sort of depression as it was a constant worry those first 4-6 weeks.

Took her to doctor numerous of times who kept passing it off as colic and acid reflux. We persisted tho at the GP and said if he didn’t refer us to the hospital then we’d take her ourselves as we were pretty confident that what our little girl was going thru wasn’t the norm. Turned out she had a milk allergy. Only thing that worked was prescription milk from the hospital that was totally milk free. She was a different baby 2 weeks later. Completely changed.

She’s grown out of it now but we had to keep away from anything that had milk in whilst weening her and the hospital were fantastic and we had regular routine visits and given loads of advice. Most kids grow out of it by the time they are 5 years old.

 

I can’t help you I’m afraid l, but I do wish you well. It’s the hardest thing in the world at that age. I hope you all get sorted, and keep up the good work you’re doing a cracking job.

 

Stay sane fella, it will pass eventually.
Our first son was mildly colicky, but less so if we spent a bit of time helping him get wind up after a feed. Rather than any jiggling around, we found sitting him sideways on our lap and then using two hands to support him in a very upright position, for five minutes plus, helped. (straight back rather than slumped and maybe leaning forward a fraction).

For your mental health, I can share a tip from my sister who had a child with persistent colicky crying for the first few months. They used to have a good book on the go, and when their daughter was crying, one would be comforting her and the other would read a chapter of the book out loud. They’d take it in turns with each chapter, depending how long it lasted each evening. They said it really helped them stay sane through a few trying months, and perhaps the baby was calmed by hearing the familiar voices reading too.

It might be worth a try anyway. I sincerely hope you find some things that help you all.

 

This was our experience too. Appreciate he hasn't asked for medical advice though. GP prescribed us Enfamil Olac at the time (9 years ago) so we never paid for it either. She improved massively with that.

 

Every sympathy with you on this! We had our first baby in September so found it similarly difficult with lockdown and covid restrictions.

We've been fortunate in that she's not had anything like this medically, though did have prolonged jaundice, but it's still been challenging with sleep and everything else.

Can probably agree with what others said in that the whole process has started to feel a bit better over time. The first 6 weeks felt like a huge grind as you get absolutely nothing back from them. After that she started to smile and build up her personality bit by bit and so now we get some moments of relief to complement the endless loop of feeding, changingband crying. Hopefully you'll get the same despite the reflux challenges!

I kept telling myself that if we could get to 3 months things should be looking less challenging by then - which for the most part they were, although it's definitely true that baby development is non-linear as there's still a lot of ups and downs.

Anyway - all the best with it - sure there'll be plenty on here ready and able to give support.

 

Once they develop a personality it's hard leaving them for work.

 

Enjoy the cute stage before they turn into morngy teenagers!!

 

These worked a treat with ours: Dr Brown's Options+ Anti-Colic Baby Bottles, Four Pack, 270 ml Bottles: Amazon.co.uk: Baby

 

My eldest had colic.

You could literally set a clock by him. 5pm until 12pm.

And at times though the night.

GP gave me some drops to put in his milk. Worked a treat. Was like a different baby.

Although you couldn't make up milk in advance, whilst a pain, was worth it.

Cant remember the name for it, but it was one of those you eventually had to wean them off it.

But it was torture. I came home from work and all I ever saw was a miserable screaming baby until these drops....

 

Thanks a lot for the comments, I've read them all but can't reply to them all as I don't have enough time. Really appreciate the advice, will be taking it on board and perservering. We didn't do too bad last night, she was crying from 9-12, but then slept from 12.30 - 6 in her crib, then an hour on me this morning so at least we've got some sleep. It's the anxiety that's killing me now, waiting for her next meltdown.

We have tried all sorts of milk, got gaviscon from the docs and some Omeprazole for her. Our GP has been very supportive and asked for us to get back in touch next week for an update, so we can either stick with what we've got or try a prescribed milk. Got the Dr Brown bottles and tried colief etc, not much has made a lot of difference thus far.

I've just been downstairs and she held my finger and gave me the biggest smile, proper cheered me up that