Think we all need to have a laugh...

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Kev b, Jan 16, 2017.

Page 1 of 3
  1. Kev b

    Kev b Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    216
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Operation Manager
    Location:
    Sprotbrough, Doncaster
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    At some crap jokes...

    I rang the council today to ask if I could have a skip outside my house

    The bloke said "You can cartwheel around the block for all I care"
     
    Kev b, Jan 16, 2017
    #1
  2. JLWBigLil

    JLWBigLil Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Messages:
    50,453
    Likes Received:
    31,134
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that!
     
    JLWBigLil, Jan 16, 2017
    #2
  3. Young Nudger

    Young Nudger Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Messages:
    14,466
    Likes Received:
    3,095
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Counting great crested newts
    Location:
    Hiding in a reed bed at the local RSPB nature rese
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Currently, when thinking about Barnsley, which I seem to be doing far too often recently, I'm in the mood for laughing
     
    Young Nudger, Jan 16, 2017
    #3
  4. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2016
    Messages:
    2,363
    Likes Received:
    4,233
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    How do you turn a duck into a singer? Pop it in the microwave until it's Bill Whithers.
     
    Julian Broddle's Perm, Jan 16, 2017
    #4
  5. JLWBigLil

    JLWBigLil Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Messages:
    50,453
    Likes Received:
    31,134
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My aunt Marge has been so ill for so long that we've started to call her I can't believe she's not better.
     
    JLWBigLil, Jan 16, 2017
    #5
  6. Kev b

    Kev b Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    216
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Operation Manager
    Location:
    Sprotbrough, Doncaster
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I took this personality test on the internet. It said "Describe yourself in one word"

    I answered, "Not good at following instructions"
     
    Kev b, Jan 16, 2017
    #6
  7. exiled

    exiled Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 1, 2006
    Messages:
    7,258
    Likes Received:
    6,845
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Melton Mowbray.....Pies n Cheese.
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley
    Was in Currys today, saw this sign that said ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full’ I thought ‘I can’t turn that down’
     
    exiled, Jan 16, 2017
    #7
  8. Micky Finn

    Micky Finn Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2005
    Messages:
    15,395
    Likes Received:
    11,847
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Light bender
    Location:
    It depends who's asking...
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Found a suitcase on my way to work this morning. Opened it - a dog and three young pups inside. Phoned the RSPCA straight away - woman there asked "were they moving?"

    "I'm not sure", I said, "but it probably explains the suitcase".
     
    Micky Finn, Jan 16, 2017
    #8
  9. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    6,603
    Likes Received:
    4,180
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I'm sick of people knocking on my door begging. Theres just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank.

    I gave her a right mouthful.
     
    shenk1, Jan 16, 2017
    #9
  10. Kev b

    Kev b Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    216
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Operation Manager
    Location:
    Sprotbrough, Doncaster
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Just seen a French footballer playing on a nintendo…
    It was Thierry on Wii
     
    Kev b, Jan 16, 2017
    #10
  11. Kev b

    Kev b Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    216
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Operation Manager
    Location:
    Sprotbrough, Doncaster
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.
    Should have put it on aloha setting.
     
    Kev b, Jan 16, 2017
    #11
  12. wal

    walestyke Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2013
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    149
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Style:
    Barnsley
    Why have elephants got big ears. ? Cause noddy wouldn't pay the ransom.
     
    walestyke, Jan 16, 2017
    #12
  13. JLWBigLil

    JLWBigLil Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Messages:
    50,453
    Likes Received:
    31,134
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    To the man on crutches, dressed in camouflage, who stole my wallet ... you can hide but you can't run.
     
    JLWBigLil, Jan 16, 2017
    #13
  14. Kev b

    Kev b Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2009
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    216
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Occupation:
    Operation Manager
    Location:
    Sprotbrough, Doncaster
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    If you see someone doing a crossword today, lean over them and say 7 up is Lemonade.
     
    Kev b, Jan 16, 2017
    #14
  15. wal

    walestyke Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2013
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    149
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Style:
    Barnsley
    Got up at nine this morning and found the wife collapsed on the kitchen floor. I panicked. Then I realised the cafe down the road did breakfasts until 11
     
    walestyke, Jan 16, 2017
    #15
  16. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    6,603
    Likes Received:
    4,180
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    In the betting shop today my friend told me to put all my money on a horse named Landfill.

    Turns out it was a rubbish tip!
     
    shenk1, Jan 16, 2017
    #16
  17. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,961
    Likes Received:
    3,395
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My neighbour knocked on my door earlier on and said "There are six people punching and kicking the s**t out of your mother in law. Aren't you going to help?"
    I said "No, six should be enough".......
     
    Metatarsal, Jan 16, 2017
    #17
  18. wal

    walestyke Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2013
    Messages:
    304
    Likes Received:
    149
    Trophy Points:
    43
    Style:
    Barnsley
    I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous
     
    walestyke, Jan 16, 2017
    #18
  19. JLWBigLil

    JLWBigLil Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Messages:
    50,453
    Likes Received:
    31,134
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My grandfather invented the cold air balloon... But it never really took off.
     
    JLWBigLil, Jan 16, 2017
    #19
  20. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    6,603
    Likes Received:
    4,180
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I asked the wife if she wanted me to pick up fish & chips on my way home from work.

    I think she regrets allowing me to name our kids!
     
    shenk1, Jan 16, 2017
    #20
Page 1 of 3

Share This Page