For anyone that's ever tried giving a tablet to a cat

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Bossman, Mar 1, 2018.

  1. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    your vet as prescribed some pills to be given orally to the cat. Not the easiest task in the world, I'm sure you will agree. However you need to follow this fool proof method

    1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of the cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow
    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind the sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process
    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
    4. Take new pill from foul Wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut and count to ten.
    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call partner in from the garden
    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees hold front and rear paws. Ignore growls emitted by cat. Get partner to hold cats head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cats throat vigorously.
    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
    8. Wrap cat in large towel and get partner to lie on cat with cats head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in a drinking straw, force cats mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.
    9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink beer to take away taste. Apply band aid to partners forearm and remove blood from carpets with soap and water.
    10. Retrieve cat from neighbours shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave its head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour yourself a shot and drink it. Apply compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away fetch new one from bedroom
    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the f***ing cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap
    13. Tie the little b***tards front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of raw fish. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cats throat to wash down pill.
    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get partner to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from eye. Call furniture shop on the way home to order new table.
    15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters
     
  2. Sparky

    Sparky Well-Known Member

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    Load pills into shotgun...job done
     
  3. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    I await the cat lovers reply to that one
     
  4. Til

    Tilertoes Well-Known Member

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    They don’t have opposable thumbs
     
  5. John Peachy

    John Peachy Well-Known Member

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    grind pill into a pulp & mix with cat nip & tuna

    happy cat
     
  6. fir

    fired Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    Haha, having nearly lost a hand one time, I just pay the vet to do it. Last time she nearly lost an arm.
     
  7. barnsley66

    barnsley66 Well-Known Member

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    As someone who has had a cat live with them (you don’t own a cat), I can verify the above. The funniest was the vet who while trying to give the cat an injection managed to inject himself!
     
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  8. Orared

    Orared Well-Known Member

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    Nearly pssied myself laughing at that, but moral of the story - Get a dog !
     
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  9. Tek

    Tekkytyke Well-Known Member

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    Been there and still have the scars to prove it. I liked the way the vet told me to place the pill at the back of the cat's tongue by pushing it in with the index finger . Yeah right! Then with the other hand (the one that still has 4 fingers and a thumb), hold its mouth closed . Massage its throat to make sure it swallows pill. Our last moggy (I swear) could feign swallowing and would walk around happily for a minute or two and then sit down before spitting the partly dissolved pill out onto the floor lookig very smug in a way only a cat can. Later she got even sneakier by leaving the room and spitting it out under the bed. We dont have cats anymore!
     
  10. pon

    pontyender Well-Known Member

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    Tried that. Ours know what we've done and won't eat it. Back to the vet for some more pills.
     
  11. John Peachy

    John Peachy Well-Known Member

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    clever cat / or not...
     
  12. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    As a dog lover..... why on earth have a cat ?
     
  13. AthersleyRed

    AthersleyRed Well-Known Member

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    Cover the pill with meat lol
     
  14. Vesp77

    Vesp77 Well-Known Member

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    Just given my cat a week's worth of medicine, liquid painkiller, straight into food with a syringe... So much better than having to strap my hands up with bandages twice a day...
     
  15. wak

    wakeyred Well-Known Member

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    The vet tried to give my wife a course of anti-biotic tablets for the cat when he was ill last year, she just took one look at him and laughed her head off, an injection was then offered and received. We have to wear oven gloves to put the flea drops on the back of his neck never mind go anywhere near the crazy b*****ds mouth.
     
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  16. Sco

    Scoff Well-Known Member

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    We have four cats. Two are Maine Coons. Imagine all the pain of a normal cat in a package twice the size....
     
  17. fit

    fitzytyke2 Well-Known Member

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    We have 4 as well but yours are big buggers. Must be a whole world of pain if they become mardy.

    Worked in a house where they had half a dozen Norwegian forest cats. They are lovely big cats as well.
     
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  18. Jay

    Jay Well-Known Member

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    They prefer laptops, can't use tablets on account of their claws.
     
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  19. Red

    Red CB Well-Known Member

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    Cut a dreamy in half , scrape out the centre , put in tablet & then give it the cat as if you are giving it a treat , incidentally its quiet at our house at the moment , Alfie cat has got a heavy cold & has lost his mee oww , his mouth opens but nothing comes out !
     
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  20. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    Another problem is that the mouse usually doesn't last long and needs to be replaced.
     

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