If they hadn’t changed this law, would you have fancied your chances ?

The Distinguished Medieval Penis Investigators

In fourteenth-century England, one of the only ways a woman could get a divorce was if her husband was impotent. But first, she had to prove it in court.

When Katherine Barlay filed to annul her marriage to William Barton due to impotence in 1433, more than a dozen people gave testimonies about William’s penis after examining it on numerous occasions. After three men and several women inspected William at a tavern called the Swan, one Robert Lincoln testified that William placed his “manly rod” in his hand; Lincoln described it as “long and large enough to have carnal coupling with any woman alive.” On another evening, three men examined William’s “secret manly members” at a friend’s house. They also gave his penis rave reviews, often comparing it to their own. One testified that he himself had fathered 10 children and that “William’s was better in length and girth than [my] rod ever was.” Another reported that William Barton had “large and fit testicles and other signs of virility … just as [I myself] ever had or better.” Getting into more specific measurements, two witnesses testified that Barton’s penis was “two handfuls” long when erect. (Measuring penis length by the “handful” was not uncommon during this time: One poem features a man who boasts that his penis is “a handful and half” in length.)

Several women also inspected William Barton’s genitalia, including one who agreed that William’s “rod and testicles appeared sufficient to serve and please any honest woman.” But some women had less glowing comments about William’s genitalia, supporting his wife’s accusation of impotence. Robert Lincoln, however, countered that these particular women had handled William’s penis too roughly and with such cold hands that “on account of shame, his rod retracted itself into William’s body.”

The true state of William’s penis even divided one married couple: While Katherine Mycholson claimed that “his rod was of no value,” her husband, John, testified that this assessment was “contrary to his sight and knowledge” and promised to make his wife confess her penile “perjury” to their priest as soon as possible. (As with many of these medieval cases, there is unfortunately no record of who won the case of Barlay v. Barton.)

 

Shaking the Barlay.

 

You’ve set yourself up for the old “couldn’t get it to stand up in court” gag with that post

 

There's a special club for blokes who have to go through that - members only.