Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

Page 15 of 218
  1. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Messages:
    4,777
    Likes Received:
    6,701
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Sunny Darton
    Style:
    Barnsley
    The American space agency has just announced they've set up the first working restaurant on the moon! Apparently the food is great but there's no atmosphere
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Apr 27, 2018
    #281
  2. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    A music band walk into a bar. And the barman says,

    Oh no! Not U2.
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 27, 2018
    #282
    Metatarsal and TonyTyke like this.
  3. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    2 canibals eating a clown. 1 says to the other.

    Does this taste funny to you?
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 28, 2018
    #283
  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,155
    Likes Received:
    3,946
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
     
    Connor, Apr 30, 2018
    #284
  5. Mark Stephenson

    Mark Stephenson Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2018
    Messages:
    244
    Likes Received:
    286
    Trophy Points:
    63
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    London
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    BEWARE - I don't know if this is a scam or nor but I just got a voicemail saying I've won £200 or two tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute night - it said press 1 for the money and 2 for the show.
     
    Mark Stephenson, Apr 30, 2018
    #285
    Spuggy, Connor, DSLRed and 4 others like this.
  6. Tarnlad901990

    Tarnlad901990 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 5, 2017
    Messages:
    128
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    28
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I've just quit my job at the helium gas factory.

    I refused to be spoken to in that tone
     
    Tarnlad901990, Apr 30, 2018
    #286
    Connor likes this.
  7. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,155
    Likes Received:
    3,946
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    BC5D9E10-C776-47DD-9C63-BC688807EEF9.jpeg
     
    Connor, Apr 30, 2018
    #287
    shed131 likes this.
  8. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 30, 2018
    #288
    Connor likes this.
  9. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2016
    Messages:
    8,216
    Likes Received:
    7,042
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired.
    Location:
    Ossett.
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Bloke goes into the Doctors with a frog on his head. Doctor says " that's interesting, what's happened here".?
    The frog says " well Doc, it all started with a pimple on my ar*e."
     
    Donny Red, May 1, 2018
    #289
  10. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,155
    Likes Received:
    3,946
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I named my dog 6 miles, so I can tell people I walk 6 miles every single day.
     
    Connor, May 1, 2018
    #290
  11. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,155
    Likes Received:
    3,946
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    707CF6B7-4833-41EC-AC18-1E4394CFF780.jpeg
     
    Connor, May 1, 2018
    #291
    TitusMagee, DSLRed, scarf and 1 other person like this.
  12. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom.

    They ask " Shall we put it on your bill"?

    Daffy replies, "Are you thucking thtupid? I'll thuffocate"
     
    arabian_ian, May 1, 2018
    #292
    Shy Talk, Connor, scarf and 1 other person like this.
  13. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,961
    Likes Received:
    3,395
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    This German guy got pulled up by the Police for reckless driving on the Autobahn. On inspecting his vehicle, they found a young cow in his boot. When asked to explain, he said "Ziz is my spare veal".......
     
    Metatarsal, May 1, 2018
    #293
    BobT, Stahlrost and arabian_ian like this.
  14. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I am to start holding meetings at my house for people with OCD.
    Not that I have it. But hopefully someone will have the urge to do some cleaning.
     
    arabian_ian, May 1, 2018
    #294
    Metatarsal and Connor like this.
  15. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2016
    Messages:
    8,216
    Likes Received:
    7,042
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired.
    Location:
    Ossett.
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    The horses were being walked round the Parade ring at the St Leger meeting at Doncaster. One of the stewards
    the Earl of Scarborough spots a trainer giving "something" to his horse. He asked the trainer what it
    was and the trainer tells him it's a harmless sugar lump. He pops one in his mouth and offers one to
    the Earl who eats it and having accepted the explanation walks off. The jockey gets on the horse and the trainer
    gives his last minute instructions. "For the first four furlongs get him tucked in on the outside. Three out give him
    the whip and watch him fly. He's a 50-1 shot but I've given him something to help him. Don't worry if someone passes you.
    It will either be me, or the Earl of Scarborough.!!
     
    Donny Red, May 1, 2018
    #295
  16. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,961
    Likes Received:
    3,395
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I've set up a support group for people who can't achieve orgasm. First meeting tomorrow. Open invite. If you can't come, let me know......
     
    Metatarsal, May 2, 2018
    #296
    arabian_ian likes this.
  17. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Messages:
    33,768
    Likes Received:
    22,961
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Farnham
    Style:
    Barnsley
    A Comic Sans walks into a bar

    The barman yells “Get out we don’t serve your type in here”
     
    Farnham_Red, May 3, 2018
    #297
    Metatarsal likes this.
  18. Cam

    Cambridge Red Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2005
    Messages:
    1,811
    Likes Received:
    1,197
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Geek
    Location:
    No clues ..
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Little girl answers the door and shouts back. "mummy, there's a man a the door with a bill".
    Mum replies "Don't be silly sweetheart, it must be a duck with a hat on"
     
    Cambridge Red, May 3, 2018
    #298
  19. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Did you know today is Prime Minister day?

    May the Turd.
     
    arabian_ian, May 3, 2018
    #299
    shed131 and Metatarsal like this.
  20. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    13,386
    Likes Received:
    14,553
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I couldn't understand why the golf ball was getting bigger and bigger.

    Then it hit me.
     
    arabian_ian, May 4, 2018
    #300
    scarf likes this.
Page 15 of 218

Share This Page