Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    They told me I’d never be any good at poetry because I’m dyslexic.....
    Last laugh is on them. So far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!...
     
  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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  3. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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  4. BobT

    BobT Well-Known Member

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    Fire reported at Elland Rd. They were worried about the cups, but it did not reach the canteen.
     
  5. Rog

    Roger Ramsden Active Member

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    Woman takes her pet duck to the vets,
    The vet says what’s wrong,
    The woman says I don’t know it’s not moving.
    The vet looks at the duck and says it’s dead.
    The woman replied it can’t be it must be sleeping,
    The vet vet said no it’s dead.
    The vet then said just wait a minute and went out of the room.
    He cam back with a Labrador.
    The Labrador sniffed it,nudged it ,lifted it’s leg then walked out.
    The vet said there it’s dead.
    The woman still did not believe him,so the vet went out again.
    This time he brought in a cat.
    The cat sniffed the duck,looked it up and down,lifted it’s leg and walked out.
    The vet said,there i told you it was dead.
    The woman finally said ok,how much do I owe you.
    The vet said £200 pounds.
    £200 she said,I only thought it was £20.
    Well it would have been,but you have had a LAB report and a CAT scan
    and it’s put the price up.
     
    BobT, Metatarsal, Connor and 2 others like this.
  6. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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  7. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    My girlfriend has started using wireless bras.
    It’s tricky enough as it is, now I need a password?
     
    Old Goat, Metatarsal and Baka like this.
  8. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    I went into the cake shop earlier, bloke said "all cakes £1."

    I said "Can I get that one?"

    "£2." He replied.

    "£2?" I asked.

    He said "aye, that's Madeira cake."
     
    Worsborough17tyke, Old Goat and scarf like this.
  9. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a guy hiding behind a gravestone.
    I said "Morning."
    He replied, "No, just having a ****"
     
  10. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10.
    Last night we tried anal and she kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done!
     
  11. Har

    HarpStaysSharp Member

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    I'm reaching out on the behalf of a mate of mine, who needs a bit of help. his wife told him to go out and get some of those pills that help him get an erection. When he came back, he handed her some diet pills..... Anyway he's looking for a place to live...
     
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  12. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Geoffrey Boycott turns 78 today.

    It's taken him 863 years to get there...
     
  13. Carlycu5tard

    Carlycu5tard Active Member

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    Just got back from Thailand.

    One night in the hotel bar I got chatting to a pair of beautiful Thai girls -

    When I got them back to my hotel room I thought I'm in here.

    When we all got undressed I thought I'd won the lottery

    Well between us we had six matching balls.
     
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  14. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I walked onto a library.
    "Yes we do" said the librarian
    "Do you have any books on mind reading" i said
     
  15. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    Bad news for dyslexics. This weekend your cocks go black.
     
    Baka, Connor and MrsHallsToffeerolls like this.
  16. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    DO YOU WANT TO EARN £££ WORKING FROM HOME?

    With no experience or qualifications needed? Well you can't. Grow the **** up.
     
    Burgundy Red and ScubaTyke like this.
  17. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    Sir Philip Green apparently spent £500,000 trying to gag his employees.

    What an idiot. Brenda down the local brothel does gagging for £30.
     
  18. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    What's the difference between your wife and your Job?

    Well, after 10 years your job still sucks
     
  19. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    My girlfriend says our lovemaking is so bad because I'm so easily distracted...

    Ah well. Back to it I suppose.
     
  20. Arc

    ArchieRed Active Member

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    My new after shave smells like worms.

    Birds love it.
     

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