Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    My wife said that she was leaving me because I always exaggerate...

    I was so shocked I almost tripped over my ****!
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 26, 2018
    #561
  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 26, 2018
    #562
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  3. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 27, 2018
    #563
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  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 28, 2018
    #564
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  5. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    My friend always went the extra mile at work. That’s why he lost his job as a taxi driver....

    I asked my girlfriend what she wanted for her birthday " Chanel no.5 "she said.
    She's going to be so happy. All I had to do was reinstall Freeview for her!

    I decided to take the bus this morning. The driver left the keys in the ignition when he went to the toilet.

    I couldn't find any Oxo cubes in my local shop today. They must have been out of stock..
     
    Simon De Montforte, Oct 30, 2018
    #565
  6. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Brilliant reply from the two girls left on the team on The Chase yesterday. What language is spoken in the Faroe Islands? Answer - Egyptian!!!!
     
    Connor, Nov 2, 2018
    #566
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  7. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

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    Three blokes talking in pub about their sexual exploits, one was an Italian, one was a French man and the other was from Tarn.

    Italian bloke says I was so magnificent in bed last night my woman rose 30cm off the bed.

    French bloke says zis is nothing I was so magnificent last night my woman rose 60cm off the bed.

    Tarn lad sez, that's nowt, when a nailed r lass last neet a gorrup n wiped dick ont curtain, she hit the fkin roof.
     
    thetykester, Nov 3, 2018
    #567
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  8. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 4, 2018
    #568
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  9. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 4, 2018
    #569
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  10. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 5, 2018
    #570
  11. old faithful

    old faithful Well-Known Member

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    A weasel walks into a pub, the barman says " I've never served a weasel before, let me get you a drink on the house, what are you having?" "Pop" goes the weasel.
     
    old faithful, Nov 6, 2018
    #571
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  12. Spa

    Sparkfield red Well-Known Member

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    Little Sam asks his dad for a bike for his birthday.
    His dad said ,no son.
    The mortgage is 80 grand,and your mams just lost her job.
    The next day little Sam walked out with his suitcase packed.
    His dad asked,where are you going son.
    Sam replied.I walked past your bedroom last night and heard you tell mam
    that you were pulling out.She said to wait because she was coming too and
    I am not staying here on my own with an 80 grand mortgage
    and no ******* bike.
     
    Sparkfield red, Nov 8, 2018
    #572
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  13. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    I got a lift to the eleventh floor, and as I got out, the operator said "Have a good day, son."

    "Don't call me son," I said. "You're not my dad."

    He scratched his head. "No, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
     
    TonyTyke, Nov 8, 2018
    #573
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  14. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    What’s a drummer call his 2 daughters

    Anna 1 Anna 2....
     
    Bossman, Nov 8, 2018
    #574
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  15. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Thought he had 3.
    Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 1234 ;)
     
    Hooky feller, Nov 8, 2018
    #575
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  16. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    I asked 100 girls what shampoo they prefer to use while taking a shower...


    They all replied, "How did you get in here?"
     
    Bossman, Nov 9, 2018
    #576
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  17. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport
     
    Connor, Nov 10, 2018
    #577
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  18. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Did you know that in the Canary Islands there are no Canaries?
    And in the Virgin Islands there are also no Canaries. ;)
     
    arabian_ian, Nov 10, 2018
    #578
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  19. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 13, 2018
    #579
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  20. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Two Chinese dudes break into a distillery. One says to the other, is this whisky? The other replies, yes but not as whisky as wobbing a bank.
     
    arabian_ian, Nov 13, 2018
    #580
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