Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    Swapped the wife’s chapstick for a glue stick.... she still isn’t talking to me!
     
  2. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    I've just come out of Asda and there was a woman crying her eyes out. Apparently she had lost her holiday money.
    I felt so sorry for her I gave her £50. I don't normally do these things but I had just found £2000 in the car park.
     
  3. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Mario, won 10 million parnd on lottery

    Lottery spokesman sez, cos its such a big win, well pay you 5 million nar, and 5 million in installments.

    Mario sez, well if ya gunna foook us abart ill av mi foookin quid back.
     
  4. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Just got back from Sheffield, met this Prozzy, she said she'd do ought for 20 quid,

    i'm aving mi Kitchen painted next week
     
    Last edited: Jul 16, 2019
    sadbrewer likes this.
  5. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    That's quite expensive for Sheffield.
     
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  6. MarioKempes

    MarioKempes Well-Known Member

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    I don't take any sh1t.
     
    Winker and Austiniho like this.
  7. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    I know that BigBoy, nice speaking wi thi otherday.
     
  8. MarioKempes

    MarioKempes Well-Known Member

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    Ditto. See you soon wink.
     
  9. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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  10. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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  11. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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  12. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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  13. Father Benny Cake

    Father Benny Cake Well-Known Member

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    A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
    'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

    The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

    The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

    The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.

    The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.

    The next night, the pub is packed.

    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

    The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.

    The next night there is standing room only in the pub.

    Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending.

    The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year

    In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.'

    The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties.'

    The rabbit looks aghast.

    The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says,
    'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.

    The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'

    The crowd's bated breath is ear shatteringly silent.

    The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'

    'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.'

    The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie.

    He then waves to the crowd and leaves....

    NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

    One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time.

    When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar.

    The barman says, 'Who are you?

    To which he is answered,
    'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'

    The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous.

    You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'

    The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'

    The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'

    The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.'

    The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'

    'I DIED', said the rabbit.

    'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'

    After a short pause, the rabbit said ...

    'Mixin-me-toasties
     
  14. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    I cant believe I stuck with that for that punch line - Groan doesn't even come close to covering it
     
  15. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Loved it .:):)
     
  16. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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  17. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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  18. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Nothing is built in the UK anymore. I just bought a new TV and it said built in antenna. I haven't a clue where that is.
     
  19. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Last night Tom Jones appeared in Dundee. Today Inverness were playing Dundee at Dens.
    There was actually more people at the Tom Jones concert than there was at Dens Park.
    But that's not unusual.
     
    Donny Red and retired red like this.
  20. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners

    The lady says, "Come Again!"

    The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time."
     
    Baka and shed131 like this.

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