My father, the man who beat Darth Vader

Is in hospital.

He's not diagnosed with dementia, but is being violent & surely will be. He doesn't know what day it is or his DOB.

Is Court of Protection Order the way to go?

This is breaking my ******* heart.

****, this year may well pour battery acid over my body. I've lost my business, my home and this on top,

Will we get 3 points versus Blackburn?

 

be strong if you can, as you say it seems your facing one bad turn after another and here is hoping we get 3 points, we all need some cheer in these days, especially you, good luck

 

Has be shown signs of dementia before his stay in hospital?

 

So sorry to hear that mate. It's a horrible way to go.

My mum had dementia, she passed away in 2016 in a home in Goldthorpe. The last time I saw her I'd been talking to her for the best part of an hour and before I left I said "Do you know who I am?". She looked at me and said "Is it Eric?" - my name is Brian....

 

I know I'm saying this without any prior knowledge of your Dad's health JP, but sudden behavioural changes like this can be caused by something as "innocuous" as a urine infection or constipation.

Whatever the diagnosis, please ask those caring for him to point you in the direction of support, both for your Dad and yourself. You've had a 5h!t time of it for a while, use whatever help you can get, and keep posting on here. The BBS has helped me before and you'll always have a listening ear on here.

 

Feel for you JP. You have had a terrible year thus far mate and I'm sure the collective thoughts
of BBS members are with you. I lost my dear Dad when I was only twenty two and will never
forget how very sad I felt over his passing for many years after. Still miss him to this very day.

I lost my Mum in my early fifties when sadly, I had to concede that for her own safety, my wife and
myself could no longer care for her in our home and we very reluctantly had to agree to her going
into sheltered accommodation. The feeling of guilt that I'd let her down was overwhelming.

It's so very sad when a loved one reaches a point in their life where their mental and physical
health begin to fail. Regarding our dear Mum , all that my Sister and myself could do, was to take
the advice of medical experts. In her case, that was to go into care where she spent nigh on
eight relatively happy years before her death. My sister lives in the Midlands and she found a
place in a Nursing Home in that area. I visited as often as I could. During some visits she had
no idea who I was, which was upsetting, but served to convince me that with 24 hour round the
clock expert Nursing care, we had done the right thing.

Here's hoping that things start to look up for you bud and hopefully when this pandemic
is over, you are able to start to rebuild your life. All the best and hope you are able to get some
peace of mind over your Dads condition soon.

 

Nothing good here John. Dementia is utterly miserable and with no redeeming features. Just gets worse, leaves guilt and perhaps worse of all leaves polluted memories of loved ones.
You’re not though the first to go through it and unfortunately will not be the last. Make sure you have someone to talk to. Take care and reach out if you need.
Still at least you’re a Red! 3 points tomorrow? Doubt it.

 

All the best mate, Sorry I have no words of advice other than talk to any of the organisations that can help.

 

Sorry to hear this about your Dad ,Mark. As Metatarsal says elsewhere, Dad's aggression and confusion might be due to an infection. Also,if his hearing aids aren't working properly, that will increase his frustration. I imagine at the moment, Staff are wearing masks and communication is difficult. As for Court of Protection, perhaps the ward can put you in contact with the duty Social work team,if not them then the Alzheimer's society,could advise.
It must be hard for you all,when you visit, if that is even allowed. The usual protocol was to carry out observations and cognitive function tests, over a period of at least 2 weeks. I honestly don't know what happens nowdays.
It's always a frightening and worrying time for families, hopefully they will be helpful and considerate to you all.
All the best to you as always and your family.

 

The only good thing about this Covid epidemic, I’ve not been able to see mi mam deteriorating with dementia. No doubt I’ll gets right shock when I can go see her again.

 

Yep - I thought my dad was well gone and with the fairies at age 83. Urine infection. He magically started talking his usual rubbish about 4 or 5 days later. About BFC etc.

Anyway JP if you need help then let me know - COP/LPA stuff is up my street.

 

Thanks, we are working through this. My Dad grew up in Mapplwell with Rimmo. Last 10 years not been to the match for health reasons. My Mum is scared now as he has been very violent. Big worry.

 

Yes, he's had deafness for 20 years though, so a bit hard to test.

My Mum is the one now & my brother need to think of, I loved my Dad, He was a wrestler with Brian Glover & a mate of Rimmo. Proper Barnsley man. He's not himself now sadly.

 

Thank you all for the heartfelt, genuine messages. They are helping me a lot to deal with things. My Dad was a very strong, hard, but kind and loving guy. Grew up in Mapplewell next door pretty much to Rimmo. Made a wrestling career with Brian Glover besfore gettin a hotel in Blackpool & pulling us out of poverty.

He took me to my first rEds match in 1975 vs Crewe. Week before it had been Leeds vs Man City, I've a lot to thank him for.

 

My Grandma suffered with dementia. She ended up in a home, she kept trying to pack everyone's suitcaes for them!!
One thing I noticed was she kept her personality. I always knew her as very kind, generous and hospitable, and whenever we went to visit her she would say we could stay in the cupboard ( thinking it was a room at her old house) and would always ask if we had tea and biscuits repeatedly .
Another thing was she definitely knew we "belonged" to her even though she didnt remember who we were.

 

Very strange disease is dementia. Lost my granddad to it a few years back when my wife and I were engaged (she still lived in the US). My grandad had only met her a handful of times, he could barely remember who any of his biological family were sat at his bed, but he asked me where she was “is she over in {her state here}?”. Blew everyone’s minds. When I told her she wanted to come over and see him. When she walked in he knew her instantly and said “you’re BarnsleyReds’ wife aren’t you?” (Again we were only engaged at the time) - to make it easier for him, as clearly he knew she was with me, we just replied “yeah, she is”. He looked puzzled for a second then looked me dead in the eye and went “why didn’t you invite me to the bloody wedding”.

I hope for the best for your dad mate. Expect the unexpected, it’s very hard to deal with but they will have good days that make the difficulty of the bad days completely worth it.

 

Hang in there JP.

Old fella sounds to be cut from the same cloth as Rimmo.

Let’s hope it’s an infection as Metatarsal said.

 

I spent some hours with him last summer. It isn't easy as he's totally deaf and quite stubborn. That said he's a loving and great Dad, but has been a very traditional & hard man. My Mum wasn't on the bank account till recently, has never driven & since I came along has not worked. My Dad was talking Barnsley football, the Robledo Brothers, Rimmo, Alan Ogley, you name it in all clarity, right up to Clarke & Hunter.

 

Coping with someone with dementia mate. ( if he has it) is as bad a problem as the person who has it. You need the patience of a saint to get your head round it. And the hurt you feel for that person can cause frustration and tears at the same time. Been there worn the shirt wi mi mam, then she suffered mini strokes. stopped eating no matter how hard it was to try get food into her. Maybe not the right thing to say for some. but I was relieved when she passed away that she didn’t suffer anymore. Don’t envy anyone mate.
Hope it’s summat else that others have mentioned btw.

 

Hi John,

My old man was been provisionally diagnosed with kidney cancer last week. He looks after (or tries to) my Mum who has osteoporosis, osteoarthritis and can't get downstairs very often.

Needless to say managing my own anxiety has been hard especially as health issues always trigger it off.

Anyhow, desperate not to slip into a downward spiral of my own, I started reading about Stoicism last week and it's been really useful for calming my worry. It's what modern CBT is based on. Lots of good stuff on YouTube if you want a quiet moment but it basically says, "You can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you choose to react to it". Or to borrow a direct quote,

"To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden"

Best wishes.