He is Edmond Dantés... and he is my father. And my mother... my brother... my friend. He is you... and me. He is all of us.
His name is Keith Wobbleford and he is currently serving two years in a Young Offendors Institute for eating his Auntie Janet's pet dog. He chose to defend himself in youth court and justified his actions by pointing out that his Uncle Ken forgot to buy some fig rolls so "I thought I'd teach them a lesson".