I've applied to be the new Pope - CV attached

Fingers crossed.
Not sure if my lack of Nazi activity will count against me.

Going to do it on a job share basis next season after I've taken over from Flicker.

Wish me luck.

 

Stevey T - You are one seriously silly mofo but a very funny one, i'll give you that.

 

I'm great with kids.
I've got the Jimmy Savile NVQ for Child-minding from the Gary Glitter College of Social Awareness.
The job is mine I would've thought.

 

I've sent it to the Pope on Twitter.
Maybe they'll have more manners & respond - unlike my beloved Barnsley Football Club.

I blame Andy Ritchie.

 

You'll be okay, mate

Pope John Paul II fought against the Nazis as a young man growing up in Poland. Also, he was a decent goalkeeper in his youth, so you'll have to have some decent footballing abilities.

 

Re: You'll be okay, mate

That might count against me then, mate.
I'm about as good as Dave Regis wearing wellies full of lead.

Were Pope John Paul II & the Manchester United keeper Gary Bailey the same person?

How's the family? Has Crystal blown you out for the Milkman yet?

 

She's a working lass now, mate

After nigh on thirty years of looking after me, she's decided to get paid for doing the work and is now employed as a carer. She still finds time for Roger the milkman, though (that really is his name!). I'm now a house husband. Later this year, when Laura goes to university, I'll be on my own without anyone nagging me to get off the settee.

 

Re: She's a working lass now, mate

It's been so long since I've seen you that in my mind you have morphed into Homer Simpson.

You have the best life in the world.
Apart from the Pope - and that's why I've applied for the job.
When I'm Pope I'm going to change the last supper so it was Danny Wilson & the promotion squad sat at the table.
I'm going to phase Jesus out. Keep it to yourself though, as it might not be too popular.

I also want Sundays off, obviously.

 

I'm more like Barney Gumble

Than Homer Simpson.
<img src ="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/de/Barney_Gumble.png/220px-Barney_Gumble.png">
I love my life, especially when I'm boring everyone about archaeology!
There's just one point I feel needs to be addressed if you're wishing to become Pope Ponty I and I hope you don't mind me raising the issue. I'm not wishing to pour cold water on your passionate, achievable Papal ambitions, you do understand? But, are you Catholic?

 

ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

great CV yet again, you should put your CV writing into a PC disc.It would sell.. errrm well I would get one anyrooad.

Have you considered what kind of Frock you would wear and would you ok about being unfrocked at some point by loads of Bishops.

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

I'll be honest - I've not considered the frock etiquette.
I need to get reading up on it before my interview.
I understand they blow white smoke up my arse, or something?

I've always wanted a car that's crossed with a fish tank.

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

Will we have to kiss your ring when we meet you?

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

Yes.
And when I enter a room full of women I have to get on all 4's & kiss the rug.

I like the sound of this here Pope business.
I even get my own city.

 

You must be in with a shout on this one. BFC made a massive mistake not taking you on as you can see from the poor results. I am sure the Pope Makers wont make the same error.

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

would you be known as 'The Full Pontiff' ?

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

Like x 50.

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

Now that IS funny! Almost offensive in it's effortlessness.

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

Brilliant.
I'm made for the job.

I'll also ensure I have AIDS.
Probably Bobby Hassell & Bruce Dyer.
Yes, aides.

 

Re: ROFLMAO... I reckon its a dead cert matey

That is my favourite reply of 2013 so far