Anyone know anything about women?

Anything at all?

 

Always right

 

When they say there is nothing wrong there is something wrong. And its always your fault.

 

Bras and chocolate it's all you need to know.

 

Not a thing. Then again I have only been married to one for 40 years!

 

I know everything there is to know about women.............just ask me something

 

Give her a copy of our rules:-

"Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, motor racing, or beer.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping"

 

From early years a woman's objective is to change her man. Which she never can.
The man however, from early years hopes she never changes. Which she does.

 

The more you think you know...

 

well they are like supermarket trolley's

they have a mind of their bloody own.

 

Re: well they are like supermarket trolley's

Something that you say today may be really funny but could well be childish or offensive tomorrow, it depends which way the winds blowing or what date of the month it is

 

Re: well they are like supermarket trolley's

For God's sake don't say

"Oh you're in that mood today..."

Or

"No. That's a **** idea."

And if she ever says "Do I look big in this?" - don't ever ever say yes.

Words to avoid 'frumpy', 'mumsy', and 'fat ankles'

 

Re: well they are like supermarket trolley's

You could ask Greg Dyke

 

Re: well they are like supermarket trolley's

Also when she says "does this [item of clothing] make me look big" don't reply - no chick - it's the cake, ice-cream and chocolate that did that to you.....

And don't refer to "maternity leave" as your years holiday.

And when she says how good women are at multitasking don't say "that's really interesting - please tell me all about it while you iron my shirt"

All of the above will definately end up with you sleeping in the spare room.

And ironing your own shirt......or at least taking it round your mums.

 

Not a clue. I have tried too. On to quantum physics now, finding it a lot easier to understand.

 

I've worked out that this is the worse way to answer the question.

Do I look big in this? (Worse question to ask a man, especially if that is me)


Babes of course it makes you look big, what ever you wear makes you look big.

After a quick punch I follow up with,

But I love you no matter what.

 

The day they get married they walk into church , she will take one look around and she will see her husband to be in his new suit stood near the alter , she will see the aisle she is about to walk up and she will have heard the hymn thats just finishing.....her first thoughts wil be

I'L ALTER HIM ....


Further on the subject .....show me a man who says he understand woman and i will show you a liar.....
theres been no man born yet who can honestly say he understands a woman....he can try and second guess but even then if they think for a moment youve sussed them out they will do the opposite just to be awkward.


once upon a time prince charles had the misfortune to run over the queens favorite corgi and killed it
he sat crying craddling the poor dog
when all of a sudden there was a flash of light and....
His fairy godfather appeared holding a wand and dressed in a bright shocking pink tutu
i shall grant you one wish his fairy godfather said.
Right said charles bring the dog back to life thats my wish

ooooohhh im so sorry sir but once your dead thats it .your dead...we cant bring anything back to life...

well then said charles.....my wish would be to be able to understand woman

mmmm said the fairy godfather.......

LETS HAVE ANOTHER F##KING LOOK AT THAT CORGI



i know taxi.

 

They like diamonds, shoes and cushions.

 

None of them are wired up reyt!

 

Make my life 100% harder !!!!

and most importantly ... don't understand the offside rule !!!!!