I've Got A Cotton Bud Stuck In My Ear

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board ARCHIVE' started by Conan Troutman, Jun 9, 2014.

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  1. Con

    Conan Troutman Well-Known Member

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    Just the cotton not the plastic.

    Is there anyway to remove it without going to casualty?
     
    Conan Troutman, Jun 9, 2014
    #1
  2. Spirit Ditch

    Spirit Ditch Well-Known Member

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    Classic thread alert.
     
    Spirit Ditch, Jun 9, 2014
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  3. Spirit Ditch

    Spirit Ditch Well-Known Member

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    Have you tried tweezers? Or does anyone love you enough to attempt mouth to ear?
     
    Spirit Ditch, Jun 9, 2014
    #3
  4. Whi

    Whitey Guest

    Get the hoover pipe off your ****, and onto your lughole.

    Bob's your aunty with balls.
     
    Whitey, Jun 9, 2014
    #4
  5. KFC

    KFC Well-Known Member

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    Just had a quick Google. Best suggestion I've seen is to stick a lightbulb up your ar5e before going to A&E, that way you'll feel less daft about the cotton bud.

    In all seriousness, advice is you shouldn't try to do anything yourself to remove it, you're likely to make it worse. Get to A&E, or the docs if you can get a quick appointment.
     
    KFC, Jun 9, 2014
    #5
  6. 'thereev'

    'thereev' Banned Idiot

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    pour some coca cola down it and claim on the house insurance

    hopethishelps (hth)
     
    'thereev', Jun 9, 2014
    #6
  7. NIGHTMARE

    NIGHTMARE Banned Idiot

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    Should always wet um before prodding your ear with um, it's doctors you need now, them Chinese things you set on fire are best thing to clean your lugs out with
     
    NIGHTMARE, Jun 9, 2014
    #7
  8. Artisan-baker-red

    Artisan-baker-red Well-Known Member

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    Travel back in time, and get an African slave to pick it out, they get paid by weight.
    I've seen it in a film!
     
    Artisan-baker-red, Jun 9, 2014
    #8
  9. Con

    Conan Troutman Well-Known Member

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    That leads onto my second problem....
     
    Conan Troutman, Jun 9, 2014
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  10. Wat

    Watcher_Of_The_Skies Well-Known Member

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    Dont put anything in your ear smaller than your elbow.
     
    Watcher_Of_The_Skies, Jun 9, 2014
    #10
  11. pompey_red

    pompey_red Well-Known Member

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    how do you get your elbow in your ear? ive been trying now for 5 minutes and everyone is looking at me funny
     
    pompey_red, Jun 9, 2014
    #11
  12. woolley mammoth

    woolley mammoth Well-Known Member

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    Or you could just travel back in time and remove all cotton buds from the house (cheaper and less messing about)
     
    woolley mammoth, Jun 9, 2014
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  13. woolley mammoth

    woolley mammoth Well-Known Member

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    Ask Chris Morgan
     
    woolley mammoth, Jun 9, 2014
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  14. tingleytyke

    tingleytyke Well-Known Member

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    Put a piece of pipe in the opposite ear and blow like ****... that should clear it. :eek:
    Tell people not to watch for it coming out otherwise they could end up with it in their eye.
     
    tingleytyke, Jun 9, 2014
    #14
  15. Young Nudger

    Young Nudger Well-Known Member

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    Seeing that its Conan then its easy - he just needs a long stick so he can push it out from his other ear
     
    Young Nudger, Jun 9, 2014
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  16. Wayne

    Wayne Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure Dawson would love to smack it out of ya.
     
    Wayne, Jun 9, 2014
    #16
  17. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    This so reminds me of a little problem i once had involving a peanut.

    For years now ive had this party piece, whereby i throw a peanut upinto the air, catch it on the top off my head roll it down the side of my head on to my cheek and then manover it towards my mouth before scooping it into my mouth with my tongue.

    To be honest never had a problem with it until last month when unexpectedly i misjudge the situation i was in and the bloody nut went into my ear.

    The wife whos always been the phrophet of doom, starts ranting and raving ...i knew that was going to happen, seen it coming, been telling you years one day youd get one stuck in your ear...

    anyway.. we tried all sorts to dislodge it, even a knitting needle only seemed to push it down further into my ear..

    I was all ready for going to the A.E at barnsley hospital, when the wife suggested i ought to let my daughters boyfriend attempt to get the peanut out, adding hes a very clever boy , in his final year at university...

    reluctantly i gave in ( cant stand the little **** to be honest.....leeds fan..)

    Anyway we gave him a shout as he and the daughter were in her bed room sorting out her university course work.

    He came down stairs like a bolt of lightening when the wife shouted weve got an emergancy
    we explained what had happened.....
    to which he replied no problem.....and proceeded to shove two of his fingers up my nose , held my head and said ,close your mouth and blow....

    I followed his instructions and sure enough the peanut in question shot out from my ear.

    i thanked him and later that night , the wife and myself were sat talking over a cup of tea ,,

    when i said....even though i dont like him that boyfriend of our suzies is very clever

    Yes replied the wife...i wonder what he will be when he leaves university....

    WITH THE
    smell of his fingers, i should imagine our son in law ....i answered.
     
    shed131, Jun 9, 2014
    #17
  18. Redstar

    Redstar Well-Known Member

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    I bet he wouldn't.
     
    Redstar, Jun 9, 2014
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  19. Orared

    Orared Well-Known Member

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    Two pieces of wood.....

    1. - Rest the family jewels on the bottom piece of wood.

    2. - Allow wife/girlfriend to smack the aforesaid family jewels with second piece of wood.

    3. - This will un-doubtably cause the cotton bud to explode from ear.

    4. - Sorted.
     
    Orared, Jun 9, 2014
    #19
  20. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Re: Two pieces of wood.....

    Two Bricks

    Get two house bricks one in each hand and trap your ******** between them with a hefty swing,that should get it out.

    Oh by the way watch you don't trap your thumbs it fekin kills
     
    Marlon, Jun 9, 2014
    #20
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