Flew back from Hamburg to Manchester last night. At the gate, waiting to board, an elderly guy with a white beard, bright red face and shorts wobbled up to the boarding desk and asked "Where'sh the nearesht bar luv?". He was steaming, could hardly stand up, and staggered off to the bar. So we board the plane, and there's a spare seat next to me, at the window. The flight appears to be almost full. In horror, I watch as the drunk staggers on, realising that he's going to be sitting next to me. He falls down in the aisle on his way to his seat, to be helped up by a flight attendant, who he thanks by giving her a single raised finger gesture. People around began to question why he was allowed on. He approaches my row, singing, and spraying everyone with saliva as he brays out his words. I'm petrified. As luck would have it, a flight attendant realises what's happening, and finds him a seat at the front where they can watch him, and another bloke comes and sits next to me. The captain appears from the cockpit, and a discussion takes place, but nothing happens. We all get ready, the plane starts taxiing, and we arrive at the runway for take-off. The guy is in his seat but singing. The pilot puts his foot down, and we start hurtling down the runway. At this point the guy gets up out of his seat, and starts singing "Hey Baby" facing the passengers, doing the hip movements to the "Ooh" and "Ah" bits. Everybody else is strapped in. Several blokes nearby threaten him with a smack, the flight attendants scream at him and them, but they can't leave their seats. We're past the point of no return, so the plane has to take off. He eventually sits down, much to everyone's relief, and the plane continues climbing. The flight crew are released, but the seat belt light is still on, and the guy gets up again. He leans across another passenger, and tries to open a window, crying out that he "wantsh shome fresh air". He's next to the emergency door, and a guy (who's the same distance horizontally as vertically) positions himself in front of it, making it clear that the drunk would come second if he attempted to open the door. He gave up, and did an encore of "Hey Baby", but refused numerous requests to sit down by the crew and fellow passengers. The crew were in deep conversation, and it was obvious all was not well. Then we felt the familiar lurch as the plane throttled back, the seat belt signs came on, and we began to descend. It slowly dawned on us that we were turning back. It kicked off big time as passengers realised they would miss trains, pick ups etc. The crew were getting grief for not refusing him boarding. The bellend continued with his singing in the aisle. We descended and went back to Hamburg, where we landed and parked out in the middle of nowhere well away from the terminals. Outside, the flashing blue lights gave away the approaching police car and ambulance which had been summoned. The bloke had no idea where we were - in fact he thought we had just landed in Manchester. Two large police officers got on, and asked him to go with them. He then realised we were back in Hamburg, and decided he didn't want to go. He came second in the ensuing struggle, and left the plane horizontally, feet first. We then had to wait an hour while we topped up with fuel, then we took off a second time and had an uneventful flight back to Manchester, arriving nearly 2 hours late. Best in-flight entertainment I've ever had. Good luck on Saturday lads!
Easy Jet, and I agree, but it's easy to say that with hindsight. He was English by the way, not German.
It wasn't hindsight for me, but it was for the cabin crew, who never left the plane after the incoming flight arrived.
Ah I see. In that case the ground crew are the negligible ones. Should really be retrained or disciplined because as daft as it sounds they put the safety of everyone on board at risk
I spoke to one of the staff, who said they were not informed by the ground staff at the gate, and the first they knew of it was when the guy staggered onto the plane. They discussed it, and on balance they decided he would probably just collapse and sleep, but with hindsight they obviously got it wrong. There was obviously a serious side to it, but it was funny too!
Must drink even more sherry than Christmas time the rest of the year! I thought he was describing Sean Connery tbh.
Thank you. When I've time I'll write about the time my car bonnet popped up and plastered itself over my windscreen, at 100mph on an Autobahn near Stuttgart.