Dear inland revenue and customs

I have contacted you 6 times in 4 years to tell you that I do not qualify for working tax credit and that I have no desire or wish to apply for said credits. Despite this, every year you waste your time and our money processing a none existing application and informing me in writing my award is £0.00. every year I contact you and ask for this to stop get year after year you continue to waste yet more time and money accessing my employment details and calculating that the person who tells you he isn't entitled to anything, funnily enough entitled to anything.

May I suggest that instead of wasting time!e means testing somebody who doesn't want your money that you instead pick a random millionaire pensioner and means test them instead. That way you can avoid having to pay to heat their mansion.

PS. Has you clearly know my wages in order to tell me that I do not qualify do you not think it is a bit of a waste of money to send me a letter in the same envelope telling me how to report my boss if they do not pay me the minimum wage when you know full well that they do.

The useless barstewards

 

I'm not sure they'll receive this. I think they still use the old postage system with paper, envelopes, addresses and stamps.

I've been wrong before, I'll probably be wrong again.

 

I'm not sure what they use to receive communications because apparently letter, emails and phone calls are ignored. I might try carrier pigeon next.

 

Have you tried smoke signals. You could use the letters that they keep sending you.

 

I like your thinking sir.

Would I be hailed a working class hero if I **** the words 'I don't want your money' onto the pavement outside the HMRC headquarters?

 

Is there no end to your talents?

 

There is no beginning to them

 

Nothing much changed then! When my daughter was still at school and both my wife and I were on a pretty decent income, we EACH used to receive a large brown envelope containing half a rain forest every year explaining the details of the benefit, as a working couple with a child in full time education, we were entitled to.
With these large A4 booklets was a separate document outlining the amount of £0.00 due to us as we were above the income threshold. Another smaller booklet explained why this was i.e. ' "we earned above the income threshold" .

One year they actually paid a substantial amount of money into our bank accounts which we were clearly not entitled to as the threshold was the same and our incomes had actually risen . After many fruitless attempts to advise them of this via phone, email, letters, they assured us the amount was correct. So...we banked the money in a separate Building Society high interest account knowing they would ask for it back at some point.

Sure enough, a year later the usual half a rain forest arrived with two loud clunks through the letterbox. These showed an overpayment!! of the amount we had received the year before with a note asking us to contact them urgently to arrange re-payment of the outstanding amount!!

I think the interest amount earned over the year, paid for a pair of school shoes (as compensation my wife said for the letters, phone calls and time wasted trying to send it back) whilst the rest went into the charity box.

 

Have you forgotten about the smoking ban?

 

I still owe them £147.20 overpaid Child Tax Credit from - well my youngest is 30 now so you work it out. This came about through them continuing to pay it after I'd told them I no longer qualified. Several times.

For about 5 years they sent me a letter each year to tell me I'd overpaid and that they'd be writing shortly to reclaim it. After 5 annual letters telling me they were going to write to me, all contact stopped. The money's still here, all they have to do...

 

Do they still use the abacus in HMRC? It might be the reason for their tardiness. Little wonder the national debt is so great.