Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. scarf

    scarf Well-Known Member

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    Waiting outside the lavatory door by Esther Dunn.
     
    scarf, Jun 16, 2018
    #361
  2. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    A German tourist jumped into the freezing lake to save my precious little dog who was drowning! After he climbed out, he handed me the dog and said, “Here is ze dog, keep him warm and dry him off. He vill be fine”

    I said, “are you a vet?”

    He replied, “vet? I’m bloody soaking!’
     
    Austiniho, Jun 16, 2018
    #362
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  3. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    Virgin megastore was a massive disappointment!
     
    Austiniho, Jun 16, 2018
    #363
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  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I went to the doctors today because of my hearing difficulties.
    He said ‘can you describe the symptoms?’
    I said Homer is a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair.
     
    Connor, Jun 17, 2018
    #364
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  5. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    I , for one, like roman numerals
     
    Farnham_Red, Jun 18, 2018
    #365
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  6. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    A roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says 'five beers please'
     
    SuperTyke, Jun 18, 2018
    #366
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  7. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    29 consonants, 24 vowels and a question mark went to court. They will be sentenced on Friday!
     
    TonyTyke, Jun 20, 2018
    #367
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  8. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Police have found a bomb in a spaghetti alphabet factory. Spokesman said had it gone off it might have spelt disaster.
     
    arabian_ian, Jun 20, 2018
    #368
    sadbrewer, Metatarsal and Connor like this.
  9. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    The guy sat next to me in the pub pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She’s beautiful, isn’t she?"

    I said, "If you think she’s beautiful, you should see my girlfriend mate!"

    He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?"

    I said, "No, she’s an optician!"
     
    shenk1, Jun 20, 2018
    #369
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  10. Fea

    Fearless Tyke Well-Known Member

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    My mate's just got done for shagging at Beechers Brook. He's asked for 15 other fences to be taken into consideration.
     
    Fearless Tyke, Jun 20, 2018
    #370
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  11. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    My disabled missus left me last week so I went round her new house and pinched her wheelchair.

    She soon came crawling back :D
     
    shenk1, Jun 21, 2018
    #371
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  12. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    I've been thinking of putting all of my original and signed John Lennon memorabilia on eBay. Imagine all the PayPal.......
     
    Metatarsal, Jun 22, 2018
    #372
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  13. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

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    A young Indian brave makes an appointment to see his Chief. He asks who decides the name
    that each brave is given when they are born.
    The Chief explains " when a brave is born, we look out of the tepee door. First thing we see, that
    is the name we bestow on each child, for example Passing Cloud, Running Water, Sitting Bull.
    I hope that clears everything up for you Two Dogs Shagging.?"
     
    Donny Red, Jun 22, 2018
    #373
  14. Durkar Red

    Durkar Red Well-Known Member

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    Apparently the people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones cartoon but the people of Abu Dhabi do.
     
    Durkar Red, Jun 23, 2018
    #374
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  15. HarpStaysSharp

    HarpStaysSharp Active Member

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    Does your dog know it's adopted?
     
    HarpStaysSharp, Jun 23, 2018
    #375
  16. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    I went to the sperm bank the other day. The doctor said " Would you like to masturbate in the cup."

    I said " I'm good but I don't know if I'm ready to compete in a tournament yet !"
     
    shenk1, Jun 24, 2018
    #376
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  17. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    My Thai girlfriend assured me that a small penis should never be an issue in a loving relationship.

    I still wish she didn’t have one though.
     
    TonyTyke, Jun 27, 2018
    #377
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  18. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    6F96EEEC-A2ED-409C-8CD5-475F63F37454.jpeg
     
    Connor, Jun 30, 2018
    #378
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  19. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    F74C0000-1F86-48B4-AE97-9C46A5ED8A6D.jpeg
     
    Connor, Jul 1, 2018
    #379
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  20. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    The thing I love the most about this weather is the short skirts and low cut tops.

    Although they do make me look a bit camp
     
    SuperTyke, Jul 1, 2018
    #380
    BFC Dave and Connor like this.
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