I thought a vasectomy was as bad as it got......

having recently had the front bottom butchered, I now appear to have a health issue in the area of the rear bottom. I have been informed I have to have a flexible sigmoidoscopy.

I've managed to reach half a century without having a blokes finger up me arse and very proud of that fact I was, blew that clean sheet today, figuratively. I've only entrusted that once, to the current Mrs and I wasn't over impressed when she was in there, let alone a octogenarian gp.

Taken from the leaflet I've been given in preparation.....

"A sigmoidoscopy is relatively non-invasive and usually doesn’t require any anaesthesia"

Relatively! Relatively?? Relative to what? Its a 60cm long camera crew with their onboard tool kit going for a meandering wander up me jacksie.

And then they mentioned enemas.

I'm not looking forward to next Tues.......

 

Warning to casual readers - this is quite frank.

I’ve had 1 x vasectomy and about 20 x flexible sigmoidoscopy (I’ve got Crohn’s disease) I honestly thought the vasectomy was f.ck all, you just have to man up and look the other way for twenty minutes and then take it steady for like 4 days. Nothing.

The sigmoidoscopy - honestly, I’ve had quite a range. For a kick off, the prep is horrible - disgusting filth that they make you drink and the world drops out of your bum hole; not very pleasant at all. There’s usually an option to have sedation with the procedure, but the trouble with that is you can’t drive home and someone has to pick you up, so I tend to have it without, but that’s an option if you’re worried about it - however, they’ve started offering gas and air now and that’s a decent option as it’s only short lived but it’s really good pain relief. So, the actual camera and tube is dead narrow and it doesn’t actually really hurt; but what does tend to hurt is the fact they pump air up you to allow the camera to progress. The pain from that can be really quite acute. Sometimes I’ve had it and I’d rate it as quite uncomfortable - say a 4 or so out of ten. Other times it’s been really actually horrible, very very acute pain that I’d rate as an 8 or a 9, extremely painful up in your lower stomach - but I don’t know if that’s partly because of all the scarring on my bowel making it worse when they pump the air up. If you can self medicate on gas and air though that definitely can dull it down a bit - though I normally end up slurring from takin so much.

The greatest feeling in the world is farting all the air out of you when it’s finished. The good thing is - unlike the vasectomy - two hours after it’s done the pain has completely gone away and you’re done.

I hope it goes ok mate. Happy to answer any questions.

 

I went into Barnsley Hospital 100% a man and came out at about 60%. Vasectomies are not for blokes who want a decent cum feeling!! You have been warned!!

 

I think u misunderstood, I've already had that and if thats how yours affected u, then summat went wrong

 

Been there done that.

Although the flexible camera was abandoned. (Same disease btw) it must have been where the crohns was active and it felt like a red hot poker stabbing me in my insides.

Although I've been stable since being diagnosed now I'm on meds.

 

Thanks, they're trimming the farmers while they're up there and investigating for polyps etc.

They have said I can have mild sedation via a needle and as the mrs has insisted on coming she can have driving duties afterwards and I'll avail myself of whatevers available!

 

Recently lost 80% of my bowel, was on TPN for 110 days, no food or drink except sips of water for tablets!!!!

 

Excuse my crudeness...
But my reaction when I had the old camera up the sh1tter.....was.. Geezus christ... (jesus) to think some blokes do this for fun.... Not only did it bring tears to my eyes but when they then inflated my bowel I couldn't stop farting.... Due to the amount of air they put in... Hopefully never to be repeated....

 

Had 6 operations to sort out a fistula at Barnsley under the aptly named Miss Payne. Had a couple of rigid sigmoidoscopies as part of pre surgery planning. I have to say my bowels are a one way street.

I was working at the hospital at the times I had my surgery, I lost any dignity I had when they wheeled me down to theatre. Loads of colleagues passing by..... "what you having done?" - "give it 10 minutes when I'm under anaesthetic and come and have a look".

 

I had the camera last year and dreaded it. I was really worried about it but can honestly say that the prep is the worst thing.

That moviprep is disgusting and you have to drink a hell of a lot of it.

I found it weird that you have a big screen in front of you but once you're settled it's quite interesting watching.

It's not painful but is very strange that you can feel something moving around your gut.

 

"Lights camera action"

 

1. Movi prep - I didn't really mind- I wouldn't chose it over a bottle of Leffe but it reminded me of a milk of magnesia and tonic water. Just held my nose and went for it.
2. Big screen was fascinating - one of those car crash moments - you know - you shouldn't look but can't help.
3. Spent most of the time talking to the nurse about the reds and the technology involved. Strange conversations had with people messing with your nethers. Just like the vasectomy- talked about work whilst some bloke messed with my balls.

One thing which I could advise. The camera basically opens things up to see / move easier by blowing up your tubes like a balloon. About an hour after the event I thought I was going to die the trapped air was causing me so much pain.

The solution was simple enough though - just turn round to make the airs exit more natural rather than trapping it in a loop. They really should tell you this but for some reason they didn't

After 30 minutes of agony two minutes in the right position and a series of the longest most satifying farts I've ever done it was all good.

 

I've had camera up and camera down and camera down was worse! They ended up having to anaesthetise me cos I just couldn't swallow the bloody thing without gagging.

 

But why the 'butch' terminology - 'rear bottom' - 'front bottom' - 'up me jacksie' -- why not just say you've had a vasectomy and are going to have a camera up your anus.

Have no idea what 'trimming the farmers' means …..

And as for being 'proud' that no male finger has been examining your prostate …………… can think of a lot of other things to be proud about ………… if you close your eyes and think of England there's no difference between a male and a female finger 'up your jacksie'

exile - hope all goes well!

 

I've never had the 'pleasure' of a camera or anything else for that matter up my ring piece, but having a camera, complete with tripod and tele-photo zoom lens down my jap's eye was one journey I'd rather not repeat.

 

A vasectomy didn't really work for me, all it did was change the colour of the baby.

Coit! Coit for RS please....!!

 

My mate had a vasectomy op, played football day after. I had it done had a pair of Boloks size of a fukin Barage balloon, affects us all individually, i hope ya next op goes well for ya and you make a speedy recovery. GUD LUK

 

Hope you asked for the camera to go down hill first...I would imagine... it would leave a nasty taste in your mouth if it went up hill first.... Pmsl
( it's an age thing this p1ssing yourself when laughing.. )

 

Its not as funny.. When you read it without the terminology lol