Made me laugh

Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter, flight for 4 people?!

I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday (December 26) Boxing Day morning from Doncaster airport and will fly to the Lake District where we will have a breakfast, and then on a lakeland cruiser for a trip around Windemere, with gourmet lunch on board.

Then we’ll do a flight to York, and stop off at the local airport, limo into the city for dinner, then fly back to Doncaster

If interested please let me know. Preferably someone with a helicopter and lake cruiser, otherwise we can't go...

 

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Managed to get hold of an advance copy of the Christmas Speech

“This year, I come to you with heavy heart. I’ve had some anuses horribilis in my time but this year has been a total car crash ... or as we call it “a Prince Philip”.
Talking of my husband, PaddyPower gave me excellent odds on him popping his Hunters by August so that mucked up the Royal finances a tad when the old fool let me down.
It’s been a year of change within my family also. My grandson Harry and his wife, Muggins, have decided to pursue a life with the colonials and I wish them all the luck in the world. I can certainly understand the attraction of the acting world as Prince Charles once had a bit of a “thing” about Deirdre Barlow whilst, of course, his brother Andrew was very fond of puppeteering. Oh how we laughed as he pretended his young friend was a glove puppet and we never did understand just how he could makes the eyes bulge quite so large as he wriggled on my son’s lap.

Covid has, of course, had a terrible effect upon us all although it seems to have really helped Prince Charles and he no longer seems to focus so much on taking over the reins. Instead he has been helping me enormously by booking me lots of trips to visit Covid patients and offer them succour.

Brexit also has been lost for most of the year as a priority. This is such a blessing for my Prime Minister as he seems a little confused by it all. Princess Anne summed it up rather admirably when she said that he would screw everything in sight, including the country. As your Queen, one has to, quite rightly, be impartial but, let’s face it, he really is a bit of a ****.

We shall have a quiet Christmas, rather like many of you, with only 3 of the royal homes being open and guests restricted to under 200. We shall curtail most of the outdoor activities although the annual tradition of the peasant shoot at Sandringham will remain. This year we shall be socially responsible and stick mostly to board games although production is falling at Duchy Organics so we promised Charles we would help peel onions for his delicious chutney thus gaining us a small but very acceptable discount on purchases.

Well, in closing, I ask the question what will the year 2021 bring? No doubt more lockdowns and therefore less work for The Firm but at least we have the furlough payments to get us through. Prince William may well become king, unless his father gets to him first. Ant and Dec will win all the awards for everything and Prince Philip will continue to support Black Wives Matter.

One will not wish you a Merry Christmas because there’s no point really but may God bless you all and, rather than playing out with a Carol, I bring you a song dedicated to our wonderful Government. It is called “Tiers of a Clown”.”

 

What is white and minty?

A polo bear

 

My Mrs says she's going to slam my head against the keyboard if I don't come off the laptop.

I'm not too worried, I think she's jokindhdhhejeks dbdhdkske ehdnsjsne ejakald. Fhrnkd xm

 

Superb

 

Shocking grammar, no full stop at the end....

 

I'll have words with her.

 

You can still speak then?

 

I saw Philip Pope with Rory McGrath at the Cornerstone Didcot a few years back. He is a decent singer.

 

Did he have the place wocking?

 

He didn't weally have a speech impediment.