Artificial grass

Use something natural like decking made from ebony; especially as it appears money's no object.

 

And a water feature made from the tears of all his slaves

 

Now I get it! This "small area"...... it's his old sugar plantation!

 

I thought his slaves were Thai lady boys?

 

Well..... if you know from first hand experience.... who am I to argue? ;-)

 

Are you going to put a comprehensive report on here once it's finished?

 

No, just going by one of the earlier replies in this thread.

 

That didn't take long for the thread to take a turn for the worse

 

Just wait til it reaches page 3... ahem

 

We had a strip of grass at the side of the house that is fenced off for the dog. Within a month of getting the dog this strip was bare mud so we put artificial grass on that bit, kept the rest of the garden proper grass (by proper, I mean 40% grass, 60% assorted weeds that I try to hide by mowing once a week).

Thing is, after ordering the grass I had a phone call from some woman with a strange accent, and spent 5 minutes arguing with her that I hadn't ordered any artificial breasts and asking how she had my name and number and demanding to be removed from their marketing database. It was only when she said "but we've got an order here in your name for a 10m roll of it" I twigged that they're unlikely to sell breast implants by the yard.

 

Its easy to do yourself.

 

Struggling to make sense of that. Did you accidentally order a 10m roll of breast implants or was there an error in the order number or was it something else?

 

I’m guessing, with the ‘strange accent’ he mentioned, grass sounded like breasts.

 

He is a great host. When i go round he says thats thy lawn this is mine. I even have my own fridge there that he allows me to keep topped up with whiskey and Beer. When he gets a third mate he can give them the tarmac.

 

And I gave thi the bigger lawn,

 

No, I definitely ordered a 10m roll of artificial grass. Just that she phoned a few weeks later when I wasn’t expecting it, and it was a combination of her strange accent (something like a scouse person trying to sound posh), me not listening very well, plus I’d had a few spam calls already that week.

 

Nothing to do with the fact you had breasts on the mind or anything then, no?

 

“Artificial Super Grass” of Donny. Very good. Find them on fb.