Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    Just like the team.
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 10, 2021
    #2561
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  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Nov 10, 2021
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  3. Archey

    Archey Well-Known Member

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    Every morning I tell my family that I'm going for a jog, but then I don't go.

    Its a running joke.
     
    Archey, Nov 12, 2021
    #2563
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  4. Yor

    Yorky39 Member

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    Last edited: Nov 13, 2021
    Yorky39, Nov 13, 2021
    #2564
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  5. Brush

    Brush Well-Known Member

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    Brush, Nov 13, 2021
    #2565
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  6. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    a few weeks ago I converted my car into a wind powered land yacht.

    It sailed through the MOT.
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 13, 2021
    #2566
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  7. TitusMagee

    TitusMagee Well-Known Member

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    TitusMagee, Nov 16, 2021
    #2567
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  8. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    That supposed to be a joke. :)
    Here goes.
    • What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
     
    Hooky feller, Nov 16, 2021
    #2568
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  9. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    • I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
     
    Hooky feller, Nov 16, 2021
    #2569
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  10. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    Mr C, Nov 16, 2021
    #2570
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  11. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    A girl calls her mother, "mum,im gettin a divorce." , "a divorce? why?" the mother asks, shocked. "mum, all he wants is anal sex, i used to have a lovely little arsehole the size of a 5p piece. now its the size of a 50p piece". the mother replies, "sweetie, you have a lovely porsche, a platinum credit card, a villa in barcelona,kids in private school, and 6 holidays a year. do u really want to give all that up for the sake of 45p?" . . .
     
    Simon De Montforte, Nov 17, 2021
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  12. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    This is a straight lift from an Old Perry Como song called "Delaware'. It creates puns from a number of US state names starting with "What did Delaware?".
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 17, 2021
    #2572
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  13. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    Got this from my golf club -its a genuine email but it made me laugh thats for sure -
    Bear in mind how massive a mallard duck is and its not as if players arent armed with golf clubs - Id be embarrassed to report this
    Now if it was a swan or goose...

    Subject: Duck Incident - 10th Tee - Please be aware.

    Dear Dave

    We recently had an unfortunate incident on the 10th tee where a member was attacked by a Mallard and suffered a nasty experience.

    To try and avoid instances like this happening again, we wish to remind everybody to stop feeding the ducks and please do NOT take out food on the 10th tee.

    Thank you for your co-operation with this matter.
     
    Farnham_Red, Nov 17, 2021
    #2573
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  14. Mr C

    Mr C Well-Known Member

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    Mr C, Nov 17, 2021
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  15. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    I know that I am an old git. I first heard this joke before they shrunk the size of the 50p coin. When they were first minted they were the size of the old half crown. In fact the joke was going round (edited for a modern day audience) that a person of limited intelligence was filing the old 50p coin down to make them look like half crowns.
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 17, 2021
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  16. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    A hard boiled egg a piece of bacon and a slice of toast walk into a bar.

    The bartender looks up and says:

    I'm sorry we don't serve Breakfast here.
     
    Redstone, Nov 17, 2021
    #2576
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  17. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    North Yorks Red, Nov 17, 2021
    #2577
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  18. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    I've just watched Some Boffins with Jokes. It was on BBC4 last night. The jokes are of mixed quality but there are some good ones. You may be able to record it on catch up or iPlayer. here is an example.

    A girl is in the barbers eating a bun whilst her dad has his hair cut. The barber says "you'll get hair on your muffin" to which the girl replies "I know and I'll get t*ts as well"
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 17, 2021
    #2578
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  19. kestyke

    kestyke Well-Known Member

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    Agree, especially on a Barnsley board, they both ****** around with a lot of miners.
     
    kestyke, Nov 17, 2021
    #2579
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  20. Redstone

    Redstone Well-Known Member

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    I've been reading a book about anti gravity - it's impossible to put down.
     
    Redstone, Nov 18, 2021
    #2580
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