An elderly neighbour with dementia - guidance required

I wonder if anyone can help or advise.

There's an old chap (probably late 70's early 80's) that lives down our street, he lives with his wife. A couple of days ago we noticed him walking down the street quite early. And a little while later, he walked back down to his house but we noticed he was in his pyjamas. Within minutes the police arrived.

We'd written a note to slip through the door saying if they needed a bit of support or anything to give us a shout and were just delivering it when the police arrived.

The chap has dementia but his wife wasn't there, so at first they were worried his wife may have gone missing or passed away, until the next door neighbour was called upon and they said the wife had been seen that morning.

Yesterday the old chap was found outside a local barbers at around 7am waiting for it to open, until a neighbour recognised him and walked him back home. This morning my missus spotted him while she was on her walk, but he seemed to be making his way back home. He hadn't passed after a while so she went to look for him and found him confused outside a local shop saying he needed toothpaste. So she cajoled him back towards his house, popped in our house, gave him a tube of toothpaste and coaxed him eventually back home where his wife was waiting.

Apparently she had been getting a bath and he let himself out and went wandering. She was apparently very upset and after shouting at him she broke down in tears.

We don't know them very well other than to say hello to, so we don't know if they have any further family, but we're very concerned about them. We posted on our streets whatsapp just to keep an eye out for them, but after this morning we're worried the wife may need some support and assistance and might be struggling herself.

Firstly, I've no idea where to start as we're not immediate family, but secondly, we obviously don't want to be seen as meddling or sticking our nose in.

I've tried CAB but it's constantly engaged and online is constantly unavailable and also had a look on a few charities and council websites, and unless its to report abuse (which there is absolutely no indication of whatsoever and hasn't crossed our minds) it's not obvious where to try.

I'm pretty sure some people on here have mentioned working in social care and mental health, and even though it's hundreds of miles beyond the boundaries of Barnsley borough, I wondered if anyone could advise given the situation?

Any help is welcome, even if its just chipping in as to what they might do themselves.

Thanks everyone, much appreciated in advance.

 

NHS can help if you can do a bit of digging. There are safeguarding teams that deal with that sort of thing. The help has to be wanted though. That's why a lot of these cases fall through the gaps in the system.

We had a chap that kept turning up at the hospital for non existent outpatients appointments. In the end the safe guarding team got involved. Maybe it was pure chance that he kept turning up at the hospital?

With my uncle it was the council that took care of his affairs and put him in a home. I think the responsibility falls on different people in different areas. Definitely between the Council and the NHS.

 

Thanks SD, i've been going round in circles on the council website, it seems they've outsourced part of their service to ageing well southwark, but I couldn't get far with that. I'll see if there is anything on the NHS side locally and certainly look for the term safeguarding.

Thanks again.

 

@DannyWilsonLovechild - You are a good man.

 

Try BIADS, Barnsley , 01226 280057 They have a website. They were brilliant with us a few years ago when we had an elderly relative suffer from this horrible disease. They are an independant organisation, I dont know if they deal with non family or not but they may be able to advise you. Have you asked round the neighbourhood to see if anyone knows their family circumstances. I know the feeling of not wanting to look as your interfering will be worrying you but helping someone in these circumstances is admirable, carry on mate, I hope you can help in some way. Hope this helps.

 

Before my dad went into care and passed away, my sister arranged some help and respite assistance. I think it was BIADS.
If you look on their website it shows what support they provide and there might be a link to similar in your area.
The families of dementia sufferers go through great stress and feelings of guilt trying to deal with the situation.

 

I've found the safeguarding section, Safeguarding adults - Southwark Council, and it seems to fall under the remit of Southwark council, the local NHS clinical group also points to the same contacts. I'm a bit concerned about the wording for contacting them though as it seems heavily linked to reporting abuse. The last thing I want to do is make contact and set a hare running where they are investigating what they perceive as abuse or heaping extra burden on the poor woman who seems at her wits end.

 

Well it makes a change from being classed as the antichrist! ;-)

 

I'd just give them a call and explain your concerns. They will put you in touch with the right people, dont worry. You are doing the right thing. They potentially need older peoples CMHT support which would be a referral into their GP (which is difficult as you won't know them). Council should flag this up.

 

If you can’t get through during the day phone the Emergency Duty Team after 5pm , get the old fellas address and name They might not do anything immediately but they will know if the couple are known and should make a referral to the daytime team . Impress that he is out on the road inadequately dressed . If they are out they should phone you back

 

Just spoken with one of their advisors and they've essentially passed the buck to the couple to have to ask for any support. Not quite the initial reply I was expecting!

 

I can't offer any help, sadly, but you, sir, are a kind, thoughtful, thoroughly decent human being. The BBS is lucky to have such a caring contributor as you.

 

I kept my Mum out of care homes as long as I could .
Unfortunately when Dymentia starts it's a slippery slope into 24 hour care.
Sadly she was diagnosed cancer and had to go into care.
She only spent 6 weeks in the care home.
That's really caring what your doing .
And sadly for the lovely chap he's going to end up in care for his own safety.

 

The fear of being separated from her hubby or she thinks she`s fine caring for him or the fear of a care home/Hospital that is seen as the last post.

Taken into account makes it a awful situation to be in.

 

Ridiculous! Who's to say she has capacity to do that herself?????

 

Social services may be able to help

 

This sounds similar to my family experience my gran suffered with it and is now in care. Whilst she had gone for respite her partner took his own life as he had got to a stage that he couldn’t live with the condition but then couldn’t deal with living alone. It’s such a terrible disease and I can only see things getting worse in the coming years.

 

What area are you in

 

Really sorry to hear that, and it doesn't feel right to "like" the comment, but I have done as a sense of solidarity. Hope all's well.

 

Agree and if he is wandering about on the road in his pyjamas it’s a Safeguarding issue if she can’t stop him