our embarrassing fans

Anyone else made an innocent arse out of themselves at football?

 

Hey up Vinnie, nice to see you're still up and about,
Love to have a pint with you soon.
Cheers,
Wilky

 

Probably, made an arse out of myself in most places so can't imagine I haven't done it at the football. Nothing 'real' springs to mind at the moment, but I do have a recurring dream that I enter the pitch and challenge the ref or an opposition player/players. I've had them so often they seem like real memories.

 

Next time it happens give em an example of having a little un behind em. Stand on the seat in front of em and give em a taste. Only joking but they may get the drift. Effing nobs.

 

I once dropped a stretcher in front of the Kop at Hillsborough. Nobody was on it, thankfully. It was before kick off and we were carrying it behind the goal. I was at the back and the lad at the front stopped suddenly, when a Mark Chamberlain shot nearly hit him. Problem was, he then set off just as suddenly, without telling me. Cue laughter from several thousand Wednesday fans.

And I recently rewatched the famous Liverpool 0 Arsenal 2 game from 1989, where I remembered how close I came to getting taken out by the ball when I saw it again. I was walking back round the pitch from dealing with someone in front of the Kop and fortunately was keeping an eye on the pitch. It was near the end of the game too, so who knows if the outcome would have been the same if there had been a break in play whilst the Arsenal defender was off the pitch showing concern for the St John Ambulanceman he’d just knocked out with his hefty clearance. Had I been looking the other way, Nick Hornby might still be scribbling away, looking for a break.

 

I secretly like the idea of filling my pie hole with prawn sandwiches.

 

I often have the same thoughts mate, especially the ref. But at the game

 

Cos they like confrontation and have their mates to side with. One on his own wouldn't continue if a few got on at him. Or end up with a crack as one of the previous posts alludes to.

 

I once animatedly jumped up to shout for a hand ball not realising the ball had gone out for a throw in

 

Not innocent in terms of the language I used, but I pretty much embarrassed myself with how irate I got at the Reading game at Oakwell, as we endured the sit back and try and defend a 1-0 lead for 85 minutes. Then I exploded into a foul mouthed rant when they equalised, and then when Brittain missed that chance at the end, just blurted out, "he's never going to f******* score!" and about 3 rows of people in front turned around and looked at me.

Have tried to not be as wound up at games since, at least not as sweary, which has led to some very strange outbursts on times when I do lose my rag, "the ref's a f-f-f-f flipping t-t-t-t-t-t-t-t torag"

In my defence, my prediction about Brittain is still holding true.

 

I remember losing my cool and 'effin and blinding' solidly for a minute or so with my 10 year old daughter sitting next to me when Willard inexplicably vacated the pitch, only to repeat the exercise later in the game when he continued to send our players off and awarded decision after decision against us.
Not a good look having moaned in the past about some of the language around us with kids (including my own) sitting nearby (ESL).

 

One of my favourite 'Jay' moments occured a few years ago when Andy Ritchie was manager. Ritchie was wanting to makr a substitution, but seemed to be taking forever with his instructions.
Jay screamed out " For God's sake, Ritchie, stop procrastinating!". I stood up and started applauding my old mate for such articulation.
Another one, this time from Arabian Ian. He'd made the long trip down to watch his second favourite team. At one stage, the referee made a barmy decision. Ian responded in his broadest Dundee accent with a volley of abuse to the official and none of us understood a word of it. My friend Phil turned round and said "Well, Ian, it's a fair bet that no one has heard that said round here before!"

 

Once tried to get in a conversation with a Scot. In the hotel bar in Bournemouth. Wives had gone to bed.
After about 10 minutes of catching every 3rd word. I asked him to repeat what he was saying as I struggled with his accent and politely told him so. The gist I made out out of the reply was " Arrr nae change mi accent for nae fecker" Earlier night for me than I wanted lol.

 

There was the time I indicated to the referee that he wasn't placing the freekick in the position the incident took place. He looked up, acknowledged my complaint and moved the ball! We sit 28 rows back in The Ponty.

 

And some say the acoustics are ****.

 

On a slightly different note, I was once talking with a French bloke and not being able to understand a word he was saying asked him to "parlez vous Englaise", his reply, "I am speeeking eeenglish" We didn't have much to say to each other after that.

 

A guy who's sat in front of us on the Ponty for years once stood up when Norwich (I think it was) got a corner at our end to give Dion Dublin a tirade of abuse.
This was based on his dive to win a penalty in the last minute of our Prem game at Coventry a few years earlier.
We were tugging at this jacket as folk looked at him in bewilderment......he wasn't shouting at Dublin for sure as he wasn't even a Norwich player.

 

I hope you took time to teach him the actual meaning of procrastination?
You’ll get ‘round to it, one day, I’m sure..

 

I think it's only fair I offer up some self-criticism, too.
During one particular game. I thought that an out of form player (whose name escapes me) had started the game decently. Like a berk, I voiced this viewpoint out loud. Immediately (and I do mean IMMEDIATELY), Jay & Phil took out their watches. Seonds later, the said player made a monumental **** up and we went 1-0 down. Cue hysterical laughter from Jay & Phil, saying something like "Ten seconds, it's taken you ten seconds to get it all wrong AGAIN!".