Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Tarntyke, Oct 31, 2023
    #4081
    thetykester, ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon, dearnevalleyviper and 3 others like this.
  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 31, 2023
    #4082
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  3. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A FINAL NIGHT ON THE TOWN.
    AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL.
    THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, "GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED
    DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I'M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE."
    THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
    AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, "YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!"
    "DEAD?" SAYS HIS FRIEND, "WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?"
    "WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER."
    HIS FRIEND SAYS, "COULD BE WORSE, I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH."
    "A WITCH??. .. WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY THAT?"
    "WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW...
    ...TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!"
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Oct 31, 2023
    #4083
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  4. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    A groaner, but it is Haloween...

    A man was walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

    BUMP...

    BUMP...

    BUMP...

    Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

    BUMP...

    BUMP...

    BUMP...

    Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him

    FASTER...

    FASTER...

    BUMP...

    BUMP...

    BUMP...

    He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

    However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping

    clappity-BUMP...

    clappity-BUMP. ..

    clappity-BUMP...

    on his heels, the terrified man runs.

    Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

    With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.

    Bumping and clapping toward him.

    The man screams and reaches for something, anything,but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!

    Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...

    and,






    ….The coffin stops...
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Oct 31, 2023
    #4084
    Simon De Montforte, thetykester, Cowboy and 1 other person like this.
  5. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Tarntyke, Nov 1, 2023
    #4085
    Hooky feller likes this.
  6. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Should have a ‘Made me Cry’ thread for this upload_2023-11-7_21-26-17.png
     
    Tarntyke, Nov 7, 2023
    #4086
    JLWBigLil and Hooky feller like this.
  7. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    North Yorks Red, Nov 7, 2023
    #4087
    Hooky feller likes this.
  8. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

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    Chuff sake, al get thi coit, hat, walking stick & owt else thas brought , thar art er here.
     
    thetykester, Nov 7, 2023
    #4088
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  9. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    I got a rescue dog that had been owned by a blacksmith. As soon as I got it home it made a bolt for the door!
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Nov 8, 2023
    #4089
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  10. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    I recently got a job at an artificial limb factory. I didn't know anybody at first but the foreman told me I'd soon start making friends.
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Nov 8, 2023
    #4090
    Simon De Montforte, thetykester, Hooky feller and 2 others like this.
  11. cor

    cornwall tyke Well-Known Member

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    I thought offensive number plates were banned?
    [​IMG]
     
    cornwall tyke, Nov 8, 2023
    #4091
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  12. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Can you tell what it is yet?
    upload_2023-11-8_19-26-8.png
     
    Tarntyke, Nov 8, 2023
    #4092
    thetykester and Hooky feller like this.
  13. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Two aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.
     
    Hooky feller, Nov 8, 2023
    #4093
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  14. Ton

    Tonjytyke Well-Known Member

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    Which prompts me to ask,,,,, what stands in a corner and Crackles?
     
    Tonjytyke, Nov 9, 2023
    #4094
  15. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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    Tarntyke, Nov 10, 2023
    #4095
    thetykester likes this.
  16. Red

    Redblueunwhite Well-Known Member

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    Come on then what is it ? No one seems to know.
     
    Redblueunwhite, Nov 10, 2023
    #4096
  17. Ton

    Tonjytyke Well-Known Member

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    Rod Hull's telly!
     
    Tonjytyke, Nov 10, 2023
    #4097
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  18. Acido Tyke

    Acido Tyke Well-Known Member

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    I think we all know a sad bloke like this don't we lol, who thinks he's funny and clever etc. :D

     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2023
    Acido Tyke, Nov 11, 2023
    #4098
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  19. Acido Tyke

    Acido Tyke Well-Known Member

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    Here's Del boy, and he's trying to cheekily smooth things over with Tony Angelino lol.
    And he/Tony couldn't even pronounce his R's of course!. :D

     
    Last edited: Nov 11, 2023
    Acido Tyke, Nov 11, 2023
    #4099
    Hooky feller likes this.
  20. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    Here’s one from Dermot O’Leary:

    It’s my wife’s birthday next week. I have bought her some new beads for her abacus.

    It’s the little things that count.
     
    Didcot Red, Nov 11, 2023
    #4100
    Hooky feller, KamikazeCo-Pilot, Lordtyke and 1 other person like this.
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