Score predictions - Bristol Rovers home

In a thread where I criticised our recruitment in the summer and pointed out the frailties in our back 3, I was accused of putting a positive spin on everything. Therefore for this week's score prediction thread, I'm going to preview the game from another angle.

**Disclaimer: all meant as a bit of lighthearted fun**


On Saturday, we welcome Bristol Rovers to Oakwell, a side we should be beating as they've not been in the second tier for about 30 years. The bookies inexplicably have us as odds on favourites for this despite our shocking home form where, despite being unbeaten since September, we've drawn half of our 6 league games since then. We also can't defend, having not kept a clean sheet since jesus was a lad, at home in the league.


Away from home, Bristol Rovers have lost 3 of their last 4, conceding 9 goals in that time. They'll be relieved then that our strike force is as potent as a rotting corpse (in the sense that it's lifeless, and it stinks), and our top scorer only scores if the ball hits him. Their victory in that spell was against Bolton, who are better than us, and therefore means the Gas are better than us too. They have the 11th best away record, we have the 16th best home record. 11th is higher up than 16th.


Historically, we've won our last 4 games at home vs Rovers spanning 33 years, which of course is completely irrelevant as in none of those victories was Neill Collins in charge.


Referee Scott Jackson, is probably a c(_)nt.


The one to watch for the Gas is Scott Sinclair. He hasn't featured regularly this season, and has only scored twice (once against us), however, he isn't a foetus. Another vastly experienced striker they have is John Marquis. Again, he's not vastly prolific either, however his presence in the side is felt by those academy strikers behind him in the pecking order. Rumour has it, he's been working on learning the offside rule. They also have Chris Martin, which I didn't realise. His goal record has been good this season. If they opt for a front 3 of Martin, Marquis and Sinclair, they'll have a combined age (and subsequently experience) dating back to the great fire of London. Despite this wealth of experience around him, their talisman Aaron Collins is having a poor season by his standards; no doubt his head has been turned, or the CEO has called him a b3llend or something.


On a chilly Saturday afternoon, where the only heat will be provided artificially by 4 flame throwers, it's difficult to see how we win this one. The flat atmosphere inside the stadium, only rivalled in it's flatness by the beer from the witchcraft bottom feeding pumps, has absolutely no bearing on the flatness of the performance. If you stand up, you will be shot. The concourse TV's won't be on, so you won't be able to seek refuge in the comfort of a repeat of Dickinson's real deal. The Yorkshire pudding Christmas wraps are a distant memory, and will be replaced with whatever is in the freezer from the pandemic, enhanced with a splash of Hendo's (dee dah barstewards). The number of announcements about inappropriate chanting will outnumber the total of shots on target. Something to do with Beevor Court (my apologies, selfishly I don't pay attention to that at as it doesn't affect me). I'm going for 1-3, the ball will hit Cole in the first half and go in. Each of Bristol Rovers experienced strikers will beat Jordan Williams in the air at the back post, and it'll all be Jamie McCart's fault that Neill Collins didn't start Fabio Jalo. James Norwood.


You reds!

 

**replied in the spirit of the original post**

We'll lose 0-4 and all four goals will be scored by Luke Thomas who refuses to celebrate each goal though takes his jersey off after the fourth to reveal a t-shirt with the message "I didn't want to leave but was forced to by the evil board".

 

T-shirt saying "Even Joey Barton seemed a better person than Khaled".

 

I was there some years ago when we did lose this one 0-4. They had a cracking winger called Ray Graydon who went on to have a good career with Aston Villa. I was also at that FA Cup match when the whole of Bristol came up to see them wipe the floor with us. They had useful forwards then as well - Jamie Cureton and Jason Roberts - but we had better. 4-0 to us that time.

Same again Saturday….

 

Barnsley 1-176 Bristol Rovers

 

High scoring game, plenty of entertainment for the Oakwell faithful,that much so we might get a song or two from the Ponte ?? 3-3 result with Jalo scoring a perfect hatrick with on looking Championship and Premiership scouts( ?) creaming themselves at this superb prospect!
COYR

 

2-2

 

3-1 to us. Happy clappers post about us winning the Chanpions League. Doom merchants will whinge and say it was lucky. The rest of us will keep a more balanced view.

 

3-0
Cole, McAtee and a late Jalo stunner.

Crowd 12,276

Temp 4 deg c, bright intervals

Lottery numbers 2, 9, 11, 20, 25, 32

 

1-1 (Cole). We go in front, they equalise after the 66th minute Watters/Russell/Jalo substitution.

 

2-1 home win. Both goals scored by a rampant Cole who is here, there and everywhere but not looking for a transfer at all.

 

I remember that Cuptie for the coins rained down on us in the lower east side of the Ponty by a small group of Gasheads that some pillock had decided to allow into the Corner Stand!

 

1-1. Another lead blown. It won’t be anyone’s fault though as everyone and everything is brilliant. Maybe Bristol Rovers are awesome at footy and it’s a point gained? Who knows.

Kane to sign off with a ****-pinger before marching down the tunnel at full time straight onto the away team bus. We’ll invest the proceeds on 3 children from non league and a physio.

 

Colliers 2 nowt

 

Excellent summary of our chances but despite this, I'm going for 2-1 to us, with a bewildered Watters getting more minutes than Jalo. Silver lining of we're saving ont leccy bill from not needing to wash his kit.

 

I've just realised what your plan is - if you make the same prediction for every match, sooner or later you'll be right.

 

I fancy us to smash Bristol Rovers 3-0 and we’ll all believe again.

 

Think we'll bounce back after a disappointing draw against Wigan. 4-1 to us.

 

2-1 Reds. All top six to win this weekend so need to keep up with the pack.

 

Was that the game before we played spurs in next round and the famous Ginola goal ?