Sexual Harassment

I'm backward Irish Catholic as well ... grandad was born in Rosscommon and came over during World War 2. Never been ashamed of my Irish roots- some fought in Easter uprising with Michael Collins - honestly can't believe the backward comments from a certain poster. No I tell a lie ...someone just seems hell bent on causing controversy at the moment.

Sorry for the attention original poster's daughter is receiving

 

I disagree with a fair few posts/posters at times, no problem but mostly I don't object to them. It isn't to do with saying what you think but thinking about what you say.

 

I think you must be getting confused between a country and a person.
That’s clearly something I never thought I’d hear myself say.

BTW - I’m proud of my Irish relatives.
As posted on here a couple of times - one of my relatives was Dermot Earley.

 

Chinese. Tick
Pakistanis. Tick
Irish. Tick

Come on nudge, you've only got to have a go at those pesky aborigines in Australia and you've got a full house.

 

What I don't understand is I can honestly say I've never ever behaved like this with women or girls and other than friends at 18/19 beeping their horn and shouting comments at girls walking past (which I would assume, perhaps wrongly, embarrasses the girl rather than scares her as the car simply continues driving) I dont think I've ever witnessed anyone I know behaving in a threatening or overly creepy way towards random girls or women.

I don't think I've ever witnessed it either outside of a club which whilst not an excuse is at least understandable due to the alcohol and the heightened sexual arousal of the males in them caused by the alcohol and the clothes girls wear which is in many cases deliberately intended to gain sexual attention. Just to clarify I think the behaviour of some in clubs is disgraceful, I'm not condoning it I'm saying that the reasons for it can be explained. But no outside a club i don't think I've ever seen it, I've certainly never seen the stereotypical workman shouting pervy comments at a girl.

What I find odd about this isn't that girls claim it and I find it hard to believe but more why haven't I seen something which evidently is so widespread? Is it simply because I don't get out enough or don't associate with those kind of people or is it that as it doesn't effect me in blind to it and it is happening in front of me?

 

I go out for walks after work (obviously in the dark) and the surrounding streets are narrow and visibility isnt always great. If I end up walking behind a woman/girl etc I usually cross the street just so they dont feel threatened (and I'm quite a weedy guy!). It's sad i know, but I dont want a woman feeling intimated with a man walking behind them. I walk quite quickly too, so it's a bit weird (potentially more intimidating) if they walk a bit slower and I have to hang back. I've seen the way that blokes of all ages ogle women out jogging, in the park, walking the dog etc. When I'm on a walk I dont want any attention and can only imagine what it feels like. Back to the OP, @churtonred the saddest thing that I take from that is the threat to her identity/individuality/confidence (and the general fear). As you say, she or any woman shouldn't have to change or adapt for anyone. Hopefully when some normality resumes and she settles in at uni she will develop some friendships etc and start to gain in confidence again. It's always hard moving to a new place and adjusting to a new environment as it is, without the unnecessary sh*thouses causing added stress.

 

Men tend to do it when there’s lasses walking on their own. You being around may be enough to stop them from saying or doing it. A car beeping isn’t so bad but there’s nothing scarier than a car full of lads slowing down to the same speed as you walking and them saying sexual things out of the window. You have absolutely no idea how to play it to not escalate it, knowing in the back of your mind that if you get it wrong they could all get out or drag you into the car and drive off. Do you ignore them? Laugh? Pretend to joke back? Tell them to eff off? It’s horrendous and I honestly think they drive off thinking they have just made a lass’ week.

 

I suspect the latter.

 

Certain topics shouldn't be open for debate. Sexual harassment is one of them.

 

On a similar note I once went out for lunch at work and drove down the chippy (they were lovely if you're wondering). I went for a walk while eating them and somehow found myself behind 2 young lasses from the local school. Just as you do I naturally hung back a bit but it didn't take long for me to realise that I had been accidentally following them. Every time they turned off a street so did I. I had no choice because they as it turned out were walking to the shop where I had parked my car but even though I'd done nothing wrong I felt extremely awkward and was doing everything I could to try to make sure they knew I wasn't following them. I've never been more relieved (and I assume neither have they) than when I proudly and rather loudly opened my car door and got in it making the worst attempt at subtly indicating to them that this was my car and why I was walking this way.

Bloody lovely chips though

 

As do I to be honest Helen, well I suspect it's a combination of them both but I know what you mean. It just shows doesn't it how easily you can miss things right in front of you.
To be honest I suspect I have probably witnessed it and noticed it but have just completely forgotten it but it still shows how easily we are blinded to other people's problems.

 

Do u understand that having forthright and outspoken opinions is not a justification to spout archaic and abhorrent views? Sometimes the civilised course of action is to practice some self restraint.

and sometimes you have to take one for the team.

 

I agree. It’s often things that’s hard to explain but just gives an off feeling. You can tell when someone is staring at you on a bus but someone else probably couldn’t tell as it’s not at them. I’ve had guys get on a nearly empty bus and sit next to me and chat me up all the way to my stop. No one else on the bus knew they were a stranger. When someone walks past and makes a comment, they don’t shout it, no one else will have noticed that they spoke to me and if they did they won’t have known whether they said ‘good morning’ or ‘nice tits’. It’s all little stuff that if it was the only thing would be weird enough but it’s the draining of it happening all the time. I think guys think it is a compliment because they think their comment is the only thing the lass has ever had said to her and she’ll be super pleased to have attracted a favourable comment. If they knew she heard it all the time, the novelty has long since worn off and she just wants to be left alone to walk down a street or get on a bus then they might start to understand a bit more. It’s also not a compliment when you know that they’re going to say the exact same thing to the next 10 women they see and they’d said it to the previous 10.

 

From my experiences with arsehole mates from school they genuinely do think they've just made you the happiest girl on the planet. God knows why they're so thick.

 

One other thing for Jamdrop and Helen. How do you feel when someone (anyone) tells you that you look better without makeup? Is that a compliment or an insult? It's not really relevant to this thread but I thought I'd ask.

 

I pretty much never wear make up so I wouldn’t know. I only wear it for special occasions and people always make comments about me looking pretty but that may just be acknowledging the effort - like when you tell someone their hair looks nice if you notice it’s been cut. I suspect people saying someone looks better without make up is trying to give them a confidence boost as they probably think the person feels like they need it.

 

Think you must be confused but a country are its people - something I never thought I'd hear myself say

 

Tbh it would never cross my mind to comment on how a random bloke looks when I'm out and about. So to me I don't really want the comment. Different if it is a close friend/boyfriend

I think I'm a bit unusual as a woman in that i ve never really thought much about how I look, I wore make up when younger but rarely bother now.