Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Gaffer asked my mate why he came out in a rash on payday , mate said cos he’s allergic to peanuts lol
     
    Connor, Feb 25, 2018
    #1
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  2. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Doctor.. I feel like a supermarket.

    Really?? how long have you felt like this??

    Ever since I was Lidl...
     
    Connor, Feb 25, 2018
    #2
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  3. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

    The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity
     
    SuperTyke, Feb 25, 2018
    #3
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  4. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    Just applied for a job at the Citroen factory I’ve had to send 2 cvs
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 25, 2018
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  5. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    I walked out of my job as a wheelchair tester because I was fed up of being pushed around
     
    Stahlrost, Feb 26, 2018
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  6. Lone Striker

    Lone Striker Well-Known Member

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    Went to the doctor’s because I kept thinking I was Tom Jones.

    Asked him “Is it common?”

    He said “No. But it’s not unusual.”
     
    Lone Striker, Feb 26, 2018
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  7. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    Why did the millennial cross the road?

    To see his 3 flat mates with whom he will be living for the next 30 years while he saves up a deposit for his own place.
     
    Didcot Red, Feb 26, 2018
    #7
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  8. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    2 chickens walking down the road, one says to the other "I think I'll cross over to the other side". "Forget it" said the other chicken "You'll never hear the last of it".
     
    Stahlrost, Feb 26, 2018
    #8
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  9. Spuggy

    Spuggy Well-Known Member

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    Egg and bacon, sizzling away in the pan.

    Egg sez to bacon, "eyup, its warm in here innit?"

    Bacon sez "eyup, a talking egg!"
     
    Spuggy, Feb 26, 2018
    #9
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  10. Del Rosso

    Del Rosso Well-Known Member

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    My mate went to the doctors with a strawberry up his arse
    The doctors says
    I've got some cream for that'
     
    Del Rosso, Feb 26, 2018
    #10
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  11. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    I don't mean to brag, but just completed my daughter's jigsaw in under 1 hour.

    Said 5-6 yrs on the box.
     
    Bossman, Feb 26, 2018
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  12. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

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    A man went to the psychiatrist wearing nothing but a piece of clingfilm wrapped around his middle. The pyschariatrist said 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts'.
     
    JamDrop, Feb 26, 2018
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  13. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    After my prostate examination the doctor left, then the nurse came in & whispered 3 words that no man wants to hear "who was that?"
     
    Bossman, Feb 26, 2018
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  14. Brewery stand

    Brewery stand Well-Known Member

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    One snowman says to the other `Can you smell carrots`
     
    Brewery stand, Feb 26, 2018
    #14
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  15. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    "Mum! I'm going out!"

    You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt!!

    "Why?"

    Because I can see your balls, Richard.
     
    Bossman, Feb 26, 2018
    #15
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  16. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Millwall supporters are respecting the death of a Popular hooligan by holding 2 minutes violence at the match tonight
     
    Marlon, Feb 26, 2018
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  17. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    We have a 99 year old man in our darts team who will spend his centenary birthday in the Caribbean.
    He's going to be 100 in Haiti
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 26, 2018
    #17
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  18. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    I've just had an oak carving done of one of the wife's boobies. It'd be great if I could come up with a joke about this.

    Wooden tit?
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 26, 2018
    #18
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  19. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Two birds standing on a perch.

    One says to the other, "can you smell fish"
     
    arabian_ian, Feb 26, 2018
    #19
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  20. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    I've just told my wife that I've been looking at flights on the Internet

    I've never known her get so excited over darts before.
     
    Bossman, Feb 26, 2018
    #20
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