Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Del Rosso

    Del Rosso Well-Known Member

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    The wife's kicked me out and I'm living in a phone box
    Well, it's somewhere to call home
     
    Del Rosso, Feb 26, 2018
    #21
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  2. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Store assistant excuse me can I help you sir?
    I said yes I’m looking for something that goes PING
    He said “PING”?
    I said yes you’ll do
     
    Marlon, Feb 26, 2018
    #22
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  3. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

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    My grandfather was ill so we took him to the hospital. He started to recover, but then the doctors decided to put butter all over his entire backside. After that, he went downhill very quickly.
     
    JamDrop, Feb 26, 2018
    #23
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  4. Lone Striker

    Lone Striker Well-Known Member

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    Bought my mother in law a Jaguar for Christmas.

    Bit ‘er bloody head off.
     
    Lone Striker, Feb 26, 2018
    #24
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  5. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Been to the hospital today.
    They reckon I might have pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis, but at the moment it's hard to say!
     
    Connor, Feb 26, 2018
    #25
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  6. Lone Striker

    Lone Striker Well-Known Member

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    Found a Dyson in the loft.

    It was just there gathering dust.
     
    Lone Striker, Feb 26, 2018
    #26
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  7. Lone Striker

    Lone Striker Well-Known Member

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    The wife got angry with me for going to watch the Reds.

    She threw a steak, potatoes and cabbage at me.

    I said “Don’t you think you’re making a meal of this?”
     
    Lone Striker, Feb 26, 2018
    #27
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  8. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    Got into a fight with a bloke with a mop.....wiped the floor with him.
     
    shenk1, Feb 26, 2018
    #28
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  9. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    Been to the doctors today, told him I can't pronounce my F's, T's or H's.

    He said, "Well, you can't say fairer than that then"........,
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 26, 2018
    #29
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  10. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    I love eBay!

    I sold my homing pigeon eight times last month.
     
    TonyTyke, Feb 26, 2018
    #30
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  11. Father Benny Cake

    Father Benny Cake Well-Known Member

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    Skeleton walks into a bar and says, “pint of lager and a mop please”
     
    Father Benny Cake, Feb 26, 2018
    #31
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  12. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    It could have been a net curtain..........
     
    Stahlrost, Feb 26, 2018
    #32
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  13. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    Just put all of my original John Lennon memorabilia up for auction on EBay.
    Imagine all the PayPal.
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 26, 2018
    #33
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  14. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a magic dog?

    A Labracadabrador
     
    SuperTyke, Feb 26, 2018
    #34
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  15. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    You've just put a smile on my 13 year old daughters face with that one mate. She's a stress head at the minute, GCSE Options week. Couldn't have timed that joke any better.
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 26, 2018
    #35
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  16. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    Glad to be of service. Tell her to write all the subjects on ping pong balls and choose them FA cup style.

    This is why I'm not a parent
     
    SuperTyke, Feb 26, 2018
    #36
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  17. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    I've not told the wife but I've just bought some new variant Viagra, drug code 007, online. It says it won't keep you hard for longer but will help you roger moore.......
     
    Metatarsal, Feb 26, 2018
    #37
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  18. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    Speaking of viagra
    I went to the chemists the other day and asked if they had any extra strength ones
    Chemist: yes we do
    Me: can you get it over the counter?
    Chemist: yes if i take two
     
    SuperTyke, Feb 26, 2018
    #38
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  19. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

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    I used to go out with a lass who, unfortunately, had eczema, head to toe.
    Lovely girl, cracking tits.
     
    Julian Broddle's Perm, Feb 26, 2018
    #39
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  20. Dun

    Duntpasstome Well-Known Member

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    A man went to the doctors, the doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time "the man replied "I know I've been ill".
     
    Duntpasstome, Feb 26, 2018
    #40
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