Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    Same bloke who got the idea for the Cold Air Balloon? That never got off the ground.
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 1, 2018
    #81
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  2. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    I'm sick of people knocking on my door begging. Theres just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank.
    I gave her a right mouthful.
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 1, 2018
    #82
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  3. Christchurchtyke

    Christchurchtyke Active Member

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    What do you call a 100 hares walking backwards?.....

    A receding hairline!
     
    Christchurchtyke, Mar 1, 2018
    #83
  4. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    Rene Descartes walks into a bar. Barman says 'Evening Rene, usual?'
    Rene says 'I think not' and disappears
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Mar 1, 2018
    #84
  5. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    8 hours later I have just got this :)
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 1, 2018
    #85
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  6. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    Came home from pub last night.
    Said to missus "I've been talking to postman and he was bragging that he'd had every woman in our street barring one"

    "I bet it's that snotty cow at number 12" she said .
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 1, 2018
    #86
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  7. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    “Dad, my did you name my Sister Teresa?”


    “Well son, we called her Teresa cos it’s an anagram of Easter and your Mum really loves Easter”


    “Oh, OK Dad, thanks”


    “Why do you ask Alan?”
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 1, 2018
    #87
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  8. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    Just had a phone call from a bloke singing Stand and Deliver, Prince Charming, and Goody Two Shoes. He insisted he hadn't got the wrong number despite what I told him. In fact, he was adamant........
     
    Metatarsal, Mar 1, 2018
    #88
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  9. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Just as well because Lana would sound a bit sissy.
     
    arabian_ian, Mar 1, 2018
    #89
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  10. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    This Egyptian bloke just pulled up alongside my car, beeped his horn, and bared his naked arse out of his window.

    Bloody toot and car moon.
     
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2018
    Metatarsal, Mar 1, 2018
    #90
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  11. BobT

    BobT Well-Known Member

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    It is approaching the end of the day in the local primary school. Planned work has been completed, and the teacher decides to carry out an exercise to allow the class to get to know each other better.
    Can anyone tell me what one of your parents does for a living, the teacher asks.
    Little Johnny is bouncing in the back corner desk, to be avoided at all costs.
    Jack puts his hand up, the teacher asks what his parent does.
    My dads a sheet metal worker says Jack.
    Can you write that on the board please?
    Jack comes out and writes s h i t.
    No, no Jack, sit down and look it up in your dictionary.
    Anyone else asks the teacher, little Johnny is still bouncing in the corner.
    The teacher asks him what one of his parents does for a living.
    Mi dads a bookie he says.
    Do you mean he is a turf accountant, and can you write that on the board, the teacher asks.
    No says Johnny, but I'll lay 6/4 on that Jack comes back out and writes **** on the blackboard again.
    :)
     
    BobT, Mar 1, 2018
    #91
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  12. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    A woman weightlifter goes to the doctor
    "I've been taking steroids, & now I've grown a ****"
    "Anabolic" says the Doctor
    "No just a ****"
     
    SuperTyke, Mar 1, 2018
    #92
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  13. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    Wrote a play about weather, we had 5 actors dressed as clouds for the rehearsal.

    On opening night 6 clouds turned up..

    It was overcast!
     
    TonyTyke, Mar 1, 2018
    #93
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  14. JamDrop

    JamDrop Well-Known Member

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    After I broke my arm, I asked the nurse if I'd be able to play the piano once it healed. When she said yes, I said "great, I've never been able to play before!"
     
    JamDrop, Mar 1, 2018
    #94
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  15. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Woman found dead in local entry with weetabix in her mouth ,,,, police looking for a cereal killer !
     
    Connor, Mar 1, 2018
    #95
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  16. dartonpete

    dartonpete Well-Known Member

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    I was so cold today that my jaw started to freeze...

    So I gritted my teeth.
     
    dartonpete, Mar 1, 2018
    #96
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  17. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to watch the World Origami Championship on TV tonight. It's on paper view.
     
    Connor, Mar 1, 2018
    #97
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  18. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    My pet mouse Elvis died last night

    He was caught in a trap
     
    SuperTyke, Mar 1, 2018
    #98
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  19. Jul

    Julian Broddle's Perm Well-Known Member

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    Went to the paper shop earlier.
    It had blown away.

    Young lad sat crying on the footpath as it meant he'd lost his job.
    That was Russell, the paper boy.
     
    Julian Broddle's Perm, Mar 1, 2018
    #99
  20. HowMuch!

    HowMuch! Well-Known Member

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    Is he the lad that has leaves in his hair ?
     
    HowMuch!, Mar 1, 2018
    #100
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