Marriage is breaking up and she's left with my daughter. All my fault and I don't know what to do. Seriously thinking this is the end.
Never think that mate, you’ll always have your daughter no matter what the outcome is!!! Don’t be doing out daft
Life might be tough now but regardless of what’s gone on, you have a daughter and that’s got to be worth carrying on for Get help
take a deep breath mate - phone someone you know who lives locally and ask them to come to your house. be very specific and ask for support.
Just take a step back mate and think it through Your daughter is still yours and you will always be her dad. Plenty of marriages get into trouble you are not the first and you will not be the last Is it your fault ??? Give it a week or two and see if you can talk it through
Your daughter would be devastated if anything happened to you--you are her Dad and always will be. You may think she will never need you right now, BUT she will in the weeks and months to come. Bite the leather strap but please don't do what seems like the only way out for you--she will never forgive you my friend.
Today might seem a bad day. Tomorrow doesn’t have to be. Stay strong buddy and if anything is worth living for then it is your daughter. Like others suggest. Just take a deep breath and a step back. Get your family and closest friends on the other end of the line and talk to them pal. Don’t do anything silly. Your daughter will still love you and you need to be there for her whether it’s one day a week or 7 days. She will need you. Stay strong
I've had 2 big break ups which took some getting over. What helped me was a mate who said this: - "When you feel sad and down, it's probably because you're remembering the good times and missing them. Force them out of your mind, think of the bad times and talk to yourself about the things you no longer have to put up with, the compromises you no longer have to make, and the things you're now free to do. It's not easy, but it works". That advice helped me recover. Hope it helps you. Good luck mate and be there for your daughter day and night. She'll need you. All the best.
Just to remind you that a while ago you said this "Stay together for the kid or call it a day, have some short term pain and learn to become a McDonalds Dad?" Well this is the SHORT TERM pain that you mentioned. She might have left but timber perfectly honest you didn't really want to be with her anyway did you. It's ****, it sucks, it hurts like hell but in the long run is it for the best? Course it is Your daughter would prefer a relationship with a happy dad and a relationship with a happy mum than she would a relationship with a miserable mum and dad. And while it feels **** aat the moment knowing you won't be seeing her every moment of every day I'm sure that you will actually grow to love spending quality HAPPY time with her than being around her constantly but never being happy. In short it's **** now but in the long run it will work out for the best trust me
There'll be many people, probably plenty on here even, who will tell you that the breakdown of their marriage was a dark time, only to eventually find a new life happier than they'd ever imagined. But your priority, other than getting your head straight, has to be your daughter. Remember, the end of a marriage means you stop being a husband, but you will never stop being a Dad.
I know at the minute things seem bleak but it could be for the best. Twenty five years ago I was in the place you are now and I couldn't see a way out. My marriage broke up I went to pieces lost my job, my car and my house. At one stage living with my parents you could fit everything I had in a carrier bag. Life does turn around, I met a lovely woman who I have shared my life with for 24 years and looking back I know the split was the right thing. This will all seem like empty words but with time things will get better. Always remember you and your wife might be heading for different lives but your daughter will always be part of yours.
I've been there myself, seriously considered it too and it was the lowest point in my life. And I work with people who are suicidal on a daily basis- its my job. Nobody is immune to mental illness and crises. My wife left me just over 2 years ago now. I have a 6 year old little girl and i see her regularly- not as much as I'd like, but the quality of our time together is much, much stronger than what it was whilst I was married to her mum. Things looked very bleak for the first few days, but then you start to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there and trust everyone here in that things will improve!!!
Don’t worry about fault, that’s just something to beat yourself up with to no benefit of anyone. It’s what you can do looking forward that matters now. As people before me have said, your daughter needs a dad and you don’t stop being that just because you and her mum have broken up. It hurts like crazy now but time really does heal. The pain you are feeling will gradually lesson and you’ll get new routines, ones that will lead you to be happier in time. All you can do now is keep talking to people but try not to contact the mum too much for a few days as that will be painful for both of you.
Relationships are not "for life", they are for "right now". Most "love" relationships come to an end eventually - it is far rarer in Western society to stay together until one of you dies of old age. People change and those changes can take you away from someone that you were once close to. Accept that things have changed, bite your tongue and try to come to a reasonable agreement over money, access, etc. It will be a lot better in the long term if you can both get on as parents (and perhaps eventually friends) than if you descend into fighting and hatred.
If you really feel you're in a desperate place mate and at risk of significant self harm then please present yourself at your nearest a an e. You will then have a mental health assessment and receive the support you need from whichever services these professionals feel necessary.
Please think of your daughter, things will get better, you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
