Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

Page 15 of 235
  1. KamikazeCo-Pilot

    KamikazeCo-Pilot Well-Known Member

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    The American space agency has just announced they've set up the first working restaurant on the moon! Apparently the food is great but there's no atmosphere
     
    KamikazeCo-Pilot, Apr 27, 2018
    #281
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  2. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    A music band walk into a bar. And the barman says,

    Oh no! Not U2.
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 27, 2018
    #282
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  3. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    2 canibals eating a clown. 1 says to the other.

    Does this taste funny to you?
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 28, 2018
    #283
  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
     
    Connor, Apr 30, 2018
    #284
  5. Mark Stephenson

    Mark Stephenson Well-Known Member

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    BEWARE - I don't know if this is a scam or nor but I just got a voicemail saying I've won £200 or two tickets to an Elvis Presley tribute night - it said press 1 for the money and 2 for the show.
     
    Mark Stephenson, Apr 30, 2018
    #285
    Spuggy, Connor, DSLRed and 4 others like this.
  6. Tarnlad901990

    Tarnlad901990 Active Member

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    I've just quit my job at the helium gas factory.

    I refused to be spoken to in that tone
     
    Tarnlad901990, Apr 30, 2018
    #286
    Connor likes this.
  7. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    BC5D9E10-C776-47DD-9C63-BC688807EEF9.jpeg
     
    Connor, Apr 30, 2018
    #287
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  8. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It's fine, he woke up.
     
    arabian_ian, Apr 30, 2018
    #288
    Connor likes this.
  9. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

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    Bloke goes into the Doctors with a frog on his head. Doctor says " that's interesting, what's happened here".?
    The frog says " well Doc, it all started with a pimple on my ar*e."
     
    Donny Red, May 1, 2018
    #289
  10. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    I named my dog 6 miles, so I can tell people I walk 6 miles every single day.
     
    Connor, May 1, 2018
    #290
  11. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    707CF6B7-4833-41EC-AC18-1E4394CFF780.jpeg
     
    Connor, May 1, 2018
    #291
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  12. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Daffy Duck calls the hotel desk and asks for a condom.

    They ask " Shall we put it on your bill"?

    Daffy replies, "Are you thucking thtupid? I'll thuffocate"
     
    arabian_ian, May 1, 2018
    #292
    Shy Talk, Connor, scarf and 1 other person like this.
  13. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    This German guy got pulled up by the Police for reckless driving on the Autobahn. On inspecting his vehicle, they found a young cow in his boot. When asked to explain, he said "Ziz is my spare veal".......
     
    Metatarsal, May 1, 2018
    #293
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  14. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    I am to start holding meetings at my house for people with OCD.
    Not that I have it. But hopefully someone will have the urge to do some cleaning.
     
    arabian_ian, May 1, 2018
    #294
    Metatarsal and Connor like this.
  15. Donny Red

    Donny Red Well-Known Member

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    The horses were being walked round the Parade ring at the St Leger meeting at Doncaster. One of the stewards
    the Earl of Scarborough spots a trainer giving "something" to his horse. He asked the trainer what it
    was and the trainer tells him it's a harmless sugar lump. He pops one in his mouth and offers one to
    the Earl who eats it and having accepted the explanation walks off. The jockey gets on the horse and the trainer
    gives his last minute instructions. "For the first four furlongs get him tucked in on the outside. Three out give him
    the whip and watch him fly. He's a 50-1 shot but I've given him something to help him. Don't worry if someone passes you.
    It will either be me, or the Earl of Scarborough.!!
     
    Donny Red, May 1, 2018
    #295
  16. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    I've set up a support group for people who can't achieve orgasm. First meeting tomorrow. Open invite. If you can't come, let me know......
     
    Metatarsal, May 2, 2018
    #296
    arabian_ian likes this.
  17. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    A Comic Sans walks into a bar

    The barman yells “Get out we don’t serve your type in here”
     
    Farnham_Red, May 3, 2018
    #297
    Metatarsal likes this.
  18. Cam

    Cambridge Red Well-Known Member

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    Little girl answers the door and shouts back. "mummy, there's a man a the door with a bill".
    Mum replies "Don't be silly sweetheart, it must be a duck with a hat on"
     
    Cambridge Red, May 3, 2018
    #298
  19. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Did you know today is Prime Minister day?

    May the Turd.
     
    arabian_ian, May 3, 2018
    #299
    shed131 and Metatarsal like this.
  20. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    I couldn't understand why the golf ball was getting bigger and bigger.

    Then it hit me.
     
    arabian_ian, May 4, 2018
    #300
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