I am ready to set off but where is Monkey ? Me : Where are you for heavens sake ? Me : Why are you wearing the shirt you've made for Archie ? Monkey : I want to be a paramedic. I've been watching them AND Casualty for ten years and I reckon I could do a good job. Me : I cannot see you doing CPR on a poorly fan, you are only 5.5 inches tall and that shirt is too big ! Monkey : I got you to hospital when you had your accident. Me : I was GOING to hospital anyway when I had my accident. Sigh. GO AND GET DRESSED PROPERLY !! Monkey : What are these ? They are FREE !! I want a green one. What is it ? Barnsley FC are going soft this week. They never give stuff away EVER ! Me : GET OUT of there.Why can't you use the gents ? Monkey : I'm only 5.5 inches tall. I cannot go in the West Stand Bogs. I'd need a brolly! Monkey : I'll sit here to stop you rubbing strange men's legs again all afternoon. Me : I was NOT doing that! Monkey : You were. Me : I couldn't help it. He was overlapping. Anyway, people rarely sit there twice. I cannot think why. Monkey : Your little cousins are waving the flags again. My medical skills may be needed. Monkey : I need a shirt sponsor. You are my agent. Why have you not organised this yet ? Me : You could sponsor yourself now you run an international Monkey fashion business. Monkey : That'd be daft. I want people to just give me money for being a celebrity. You could sponsor me. Me : (a) we'd get thrown off BBS for advertising and (b) I have a feeling that being associated with a 5.5 inch monkey would not be good for my business. Monkey : Well I need a proper sponsor and soon. Monkey : Wimbledon are not Oxford are they ? Me : That's a deep insight. Monkey : Do you think if I when on social media and said I was very very sad about not having any chocolate that Mr Ganache would invite me to his office for some ? Me : Who ? Monkey : That French bloke. I think I'll do that. Je parle francais par excellence. Monkey : See, I could do that all afternoon and I wouldn't have to pay to get in. Me : You ? Pay ? At 5.5 inches tall you just wander in below the turnstiles. I don't think Mr 'Ganache' would like that. Monkey : Our paramedics are very good at diagnosing injuries though at a distance - 's'nowt wrong wi'im' if it's the opposition and 'come on, best mek a show' if it's one of ours. Me : Well I'd rather they didn't have to do anything all afternoon.STOP STARING at them. Monkey : Oooo I know...SPICE ! I could have that as my sponsor ! Me : NO WAY !! Monkey : Silly woman, this sort...from Sailor Sid's. Has anyone scored yet Me : No. Not yet Monkey : Oh dear Keifer's hurt. Can I go and see if he needs any of that germoloid cream you've hidden in your bag so that it does not get in any of the photos ? Me : No Monkey : You'd go and rub HIS legs though wouldn't you ? Me : Perhaps. But not with that stuff. Monkey : Oh here he is...Mr..'you've forgotten your password here's a temporary one'...super sub. He'll score. Me : It just won't go in today. Monkey : It's not normally a Saturday afternoon when you say that.
They are the best kind of years. Out of interest my furry little friend do you have your own bedroom?