Matchday with Monkey : Wimbledon Home

I am ready to set off but where is Monkey ?

Me : Where are you for heavens sake ?



Me : Why are you wearing the shirt you've made for Archie ?
Monkey : I want to be a paramedic. I've been watching them AND Casualty for ten years and I reckon I could do a good job.
Me : I cannot see you doing CPR on a poorly fan, you are only 5.5 inches tall and that shirt is too big !
Monkey : I got you to hospital when you had your accident.
Me : I was GOING to hospital anyway when I had my accident. Sigh. GO AND GET DRESSED PROPERLY !!

Monkey : What are these ? They are FREE !! I want a green one. What is it ? Barnsley FC are going soft this week. They never give stuff away EVER !
Me : GET OUT of there.Why can't you use the gents ?
Monkey : I'm only 5.5 inches tall. I cannot go in the West Stand Bogs. I'd need a brolly!

Monkey : I'll sit here to stop you rubbing strange men's legs again all afternoon.
Me : I was NOT doing that!
Monkey : You were.
Me : I couldn't help it. He was overlapping. Anyway, people rarely sit there twice. I cannot think why.



Monkey : Your little cousins are waving the flags again. My medical skills may be needed.


Monkey : I need a shirt sponsor. You are my agent. Why have you not organised this yet ?
Me : You could sponsor yourself now you run an international Monkey fashion business.
Monkey : That'd be daft. I want people to just give me money for being a celebrity. You could sponsor me.
Me : (a) we'd get thrown off BBS for advertising and (b) I have a feeling that being associated with a 5.5 inch monkey would not be good for my business.
Monkey : Well I need a proper sponsor and soon.



Monkey : Wimbledon are not Oxford are they ?
Me : That's a deep insight.
Monkey : Do you think if I when on social media and said I was very very sad about not having any chocolate that Mr Ganache would invite me to his office for some ?
Me : Who ?
Monkey : That French bloke. I think I'll do that. Je parle francais par excellence.



Monkey : See, I could do that all afternoon and I wouldn't have to pay to get in.
Me : You ? Pay ? At 5.5 inches tall you just wander in below the turnstiles. I don't think Mr 'Ganache' would like that.
Monkey : Our paramedics are very good at diagnosing injuries though at a distance - 's'nowt wrong wi'im' if it's the opposition and 'come on, best mek a show' if it's one of ours.
Me : Well I'd rather they didn't have to do anything all afternoon.STOP STARING at them.



Monkey : Oooo I know...SPICE ! I could have that as my sponsor !
Me : NO WAY !!
Monkey : Silly woman, this sort...from Sailor Sid's. Has anyone scored yet
Me : No. Not yet



Monkey : Oh dear Keifer's hurt. Can I go and see if he needs any of that germoloid cream you've hidden in your bag so that it does not get in any of the photos ?
Me : No
Monkey : You'd go and rub HIS legs though wouldn't you ?
Me : Perhaps. But not with that stuff.




Monkey : Oh here he is...Mr..'you've forgotten your password here's a temporary one'...super sub. He'll score.
Me : It just won't go in today.
Monkey : It's not normally a Saturday afternoon when you say that.

 

Monkey is getting a bit cheeky here. What is it with kids these days?

 

How old is monkey?

 

Not too old for acid

 

I am ten an a half.

 

Is that in monkey years or human years?

 

As in passage of earth around sun once in a complete orbit years

 

They are the best kind of years.
Out of interest my furry little friend do you have your own bedroom?

 

Yes and I am woolly not furry.

 

You're only 10. Give it a few years

 

How old are you?

 

I wanna know what CM is doing in the ladies toilets!!