Matchday with Monkey : Wimbledon Home

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by CelebrityMonkey, Aug 18, 2018.

  1. CelebrityMonkey

    CelebrityMonkey Well-Known Member

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    I am ready to set off but where is Monkey ?

    Me : Where are you for heavens sake ?

    Wimbledon 1.jpg

    Me : Why are you wearing the shirt you've made for Archie ?
    Monkey : I want to be a paramedic. I've been watching them AND Casualty for ten years and I reckon I could do a good job.
    Me : I cannot see you doing CPR on a poorly fan, you are only 5.5 inches tall and that shirt is too big !
    Monkey : I got you to hospital when you had your accident.
    Me : I was GOING to hospital anyway when I had my accident. Sigh. GO AND GET DRESSED PROPERLY !!
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    Monkey : What are these ? They are FREE !! I want a green one. What is it ? Barnsley FC are going soft this week. They never give stuff away EVER !
    Me : GET OUT of there.Why can't you use the gents ?
    Monkey : I'm only 5.5 inches tall. I cannot go in the West Stand Bogs. I'd need a brolly!
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    Monkey : I'll sit here to stop you rubbing strange men's legs again all afternoon.
    Me : I was NOT doing that!
    Monkey : You were.
    Me : I couldn't help it. He was overlapping. Anyway, people rarely sit there twice. I cannot think why.


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    Monkey : Your little cousins are waving the flags again. My medical skills may be needed.

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    Monkey : I need a shirt sponsor. You are my agent. Why have you not organised this yet ?
    Me : You could sponsor yourself now you run an international Monkey fashion business.
    Monkey : That'd be daft. I want people to just give me money for being a celebrity. You could sponsor me.
    Me : (a) we'd get thrown off BBS for advertising and (b) I have a feeling that being associated with a 5.5 inch monkey would not be good for my business.
    Monkey : Well I need a proper sponsor and soon.


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    Monkey : Wimbledon are not Oxford are they ?
    Me : That's a deep insight.
    Monkey : Do you think if I when on social media and said I was very very sad about not having any chocolate that Mr Ganache would invite me to his office for some ?
    Me : Who ?
    Monkey : That French bloke. I think I'll do that. Je parle francais par excellence.


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    Monkey : See, I could do that all afternoon and I wouldn't have to pay to get in.
    Me : You ? Pay ? At 5.5 inches tall you just wander in below the turnstiles. I don't think Mr 'Ganache' would like that.
    Monkey : Our paramedics are very good at diagnosing injuries though at a distance - 's'nowt wrong wi'im' if it's the opposition and 'come on, best mek a show' if it's one of ours.
    Me : Well I'd rather they didn't have to do anything all afternoon.STOP STARING at them.


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    Monkey : Oooo I know...SPICE ! I could have that as my sponsor !
    Me : NO WAY !!
    Monkey : Silly woman, this sort...from Sailor Sid's. Has anyone scored yet
    Me : No. Not yet


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    Monkey : Oh dear Keifer's hurt. Can I go and see if he needs any of that germoloid cream you've hidden in your bag so that it does not get in any of the photos ?
    Me : No
    Monkey : You'd go and rub HIS legs though wouldn't you ?
    Me : Perhaps. But not with that stuff.


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    Monkey : Oh here he is...Mr..'you've forgotten your password here's a temporary one'...super sub. He'll score.
    Me : It just won't go in today.
    Monkey : It's not normally a Saturday afternoon when you say that.
     
  2. Mr Badger

    Mr Badger Well-Known Member

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    Monkey is getting a bit cheeky here. What is it with kids these days?
     
  3. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    How old is monkey?
     
  4. Gordon Owen

    Gordon Owen Well-Known Member

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    Not too old for acid
     
  5. CelebrityMonkey

    CelebrityMonkey Well-Known Member

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    I am ten an a half.
     
  6. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    Is that in monkey years or human years?
     
  7. CelebrityMonkey

    CelebrityMonkey Well-Known Member

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    As in passage of earth around sun once in a complete orbit years
     
  8. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    They are the best kind of years.
    Out of interest my furry little friend do you have your own bedroom?
     
  9. CelebrityMonkey

    CelebrityMonkey Well-Known Member

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    Yes and I am woolly not furry.
     
  10. SuperTyke

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

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    You're only 10. Give it a few years
     
  11. CelebrityMonkey

    CelebrityMonkey Well-Known Member

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    How old are you?
     
  12. Artisan-baker-red

    Artisan-baker-red Well-Known Member

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    I wanna know what CM is doing in the ladies toilets!!
     

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