Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

Page 23 of 235
  1. Skryptic

    Skryptic Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 23, 2015
    Messages:
    3,071
    Likes Received:
    3,254
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My missus told me she was leaving because I keep pointing out the obvious.

    I said "Well the door is right there."
     
    Skryptic, Aug 18, 2018
    #441
    arabian_ian likes this.
  2. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2005
    Messages:
    34,157
    Likes Received:
    23,539
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Farnham
    Style:
    Barnsley
    And this years top 10 from the Fringe

    1) Working at the jobcentre has to be a tense job – knowing that if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day. Adam Rowe

    2) I had a job drilling holes for water – it was well boring. Leo Kearse

    3) I took out a loan to pay for an exorcism. If I don’t pay it back, I’m going to get repossessed. Olaf Falafel

    4) In my last relationship I hated being treated like a piece of meat. She was a vegan and refused to touch me. Daniel Audritt

    5) What do colour-blind people do when they are told to eat their greens? Flo & Joan

    6) I’ve got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it’s not easy. They keep moving the goalposts. Darren Walsh

    7) Trump said he’d build a wall but he hasn’t even picked up a brick. He’s just another middle-aged man failing on a DIY project. Justin Moorhouse

    8=) I lost a friend after we had an argument about the Tardis. I thought it was a little thing, but it seemed much bigger once we got into it. Adele Cliff

    8=) Why are they calling it Brexit and not The Great British Break Off? Alex Edelman

    10) I think love is like central heating. You turn it on before guests arrive and pretend it’s like this all the time. Laura Lexx
     
    Farnham_Red, Aug 20, 2018
    #442
    TonyTyke and BobT like this.
  3. Sup

    SuperTyke Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 12, 2005
    Messages:
    54,459
    Likes Received:
    28,304
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    The annoying thing about the winner this year is that it isn't a new joke. I heard it a couple of years ago at least
     
    SuperTyke, Aug 20, 2018
    #443
  4. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    14,071
    Likes Received:
    15,899
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    A guy walks past a pet store and sees a sign in the window. Talking centipede £10. So he buys it and takes it home. At night he asks it Do you fancy a pint? No answer. He asks again Do you fancy a pint? Still no answer. Now annoyed he shouts DO YOU FANCY A PINT? and the centipede replies. No need to shout, I heard you the first time..... I'm putting on my shoes.
     
    arabian_ian, Aug 21, 2018
    #444
    Dalestykes, sadbrewer, TitusMagee and 1 other person like this.
  5. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2018
    Messages:
    3,929
    Likes Received:
    3,993
    Trophy Points:
    113
    I got my best friend a fridge for his birthday!

    I can’t wait to see his face light up when he opens it!
     
    Austiniho, Aug 25, 2018
    #445
    wakeyred and sadbrewer like this.
  6. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    14,071
    Likes Received:
    15,899
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    But does the light actually go out when you close the door?
     
    arabian_ian, Aug 25, 2018
    #446
  7. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    6,603
    Likes Received:
    4,181
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    My dad was so tight he took the bulb out just in case ;)
     
    shenk1, Aug 25, 2018
    #447
  8. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    14,071
    Likes Received:
    15,899
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Is he Scottish?
     
    arabian_ian, Aug 25, 2018
    #448
  9. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 4, 2012
    Messages:
    6,603
    Likes Received:
    4,181
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Occupation:
    Urine Extraction Technician
    Location:
    Elsecar By The Sea
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    100% Yorkshire......we could teach you lot a thing or two about personal equity retention ;)
     
    shenk1, Aug 25, 2018
    #449
    Dalestykes likes this.
  10. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    14,071
    Likes Received:
    15,899
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I'm not so sure about that. LOL
     
    arabian_ian, Aug 26, 2018
    #450
  11. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    21,233
    Likes Received:
    13,299
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    None
    Location:
    Dodworth
    Home Page:
    Style:
    Barnsley Dark
    Bloke goes into a fish shop and orders a fish in batter. The girl behind the counter says "It won't be long". "It better be fat then" said the bloke.
     
    Stahlrost, Aug 26, 2018
    #451
    Metatarsal and TitusMagee like this.
  12. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2011
    Messages:
    23,677
    Likes Received:
    14,562
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    HERE.
    Style:
    Barnsley Dark
    Bloke goes in fish and chip shop and says fish and chips twice please and assistant says I heard you the first time.
     
    Marlon, Aug 26, 2018
    #452
    Metatarsal likes this.
  13. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    14,071
    Likes Received:
    15,899
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    After finding 5 Mars bars, 3 Snickers, a Flake and a packet of M&M's, I'm starting to think I'm not cut out to be a Bounty hunter....
     
    arabian_ian, Aug 26, 2018
    #453
    Father Benny Cake and TitusMagee like this.
  14. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    11,103
    Likes Received:
    9,869
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Part time cleaner
    Location:
    T'Well
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Why do the Norwegian navy have bar codes on the side of their ships?


    So when they come into port they can SCAN da navy in.
     
    thetykester, Aug 26, 2018
    #454
    wakeyred, WorsbroughTyke44 and TitusMagee like this.
  15. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2013
    Messages:
    6,292
    Likes Received:
    4,110
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    FF72B4A5-5A48-4B5F-A91A-513A862A5A55.jpeg
     
    Connor, Aug 26, 2018
    #455
  16. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Mar 30, 2016
    Messages:
    11,103
    Likes Received:
    9,869
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Part time cleaner
    Location:
    T'Well
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Paddy is in the barn with a pair of sussies and a bra dancing around a Tractor, Murphy sez "what are the Hecky your dooin Paddy"

    Well sez Paddy " I went to the doctor thi other day and told him about my ailing sex life so he told me to do something sexy to attract her
     
    thetykester, Aug 26, 2018
    #456
    DSLRed and Connor like this.
  17. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2013
    Messages:
    14,071
    Likes Received:
    15,899
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Occupation:
    Retired
    Location:
    Broughty Ferry
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my 17 brothers and sisters and they didn't know either.
     
    arabian_ian, Aug 26, 2018
    #457
    thetykester and scarf like this.
  18. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2011
    Messages:
    2,976
    Likes Received:
    3,472
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Carlton
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Farmer went to his local pub and sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

    The woman perked up and said, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

    'What a coincidence' the Farmer said. 'This is a special day for me. I am celebrating.'

    'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating,' said the woman.'

    'What a coincidence!' said the Farmer.

    As they clinked glasses he added, 'What are you celebrating?'

    'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my doctor confirmed that I'm pregnant!'

    'What a coincidence!' said the Farmer. 'I'm a poultry farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

    'That's great!' said the woman, 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

    'I used a different ****,' he replied.

    The woman smiled, clinked his glass and said, 'What a coincidence!'
     
    Metatarsal, Aug 26, 2018
    #458
    DSLRed, Thrappo Tyke, Artisan-baker-red and 4 others like this.
  19. churtonred

    churtonred Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 3, 2011
    Messages:
    11,286
    Likes Received:
    18,378
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Dingle. No, really!
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)
    Just introducing the other half to the delights of Life On Mars for the first time so I thought I'd just leave this here...….

     
    churtonred, Aug 27, 2018
    #459
    TonyTyke, Metatarsal and BFC Dave like this.
  20. Dun

    Duntpasstome Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2014
    Messages:
    3,992
    Likes Received:
    4,311
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Style:
    Barnsley (full width)


    If you grew up in the 70s 80s then this will make you smile.
     
    Duntpasstome, Aug 27, 2018
    #460
    DSLRed, Old Goat, TonyTyke and 2 others like this.
Page 23 of 235

Share This Page