Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    I spent last night defrosting the fridge

    Or foreplay as she likes to call it.
     
    ArchieRed, Sep 24, 2018
    #521
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  2. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    *HELP WANTED*

    Premature ejaculator in need of smoking hot size 6 brunette.

    Preferably with blue eyes and huge double d...

    Nevermind.
     
    ArchieRed, Sep 24, 2018
    #522
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  3. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Sep 25, 2018
    #523
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  4. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    What has 4 letters, Never has 5, and sometimes has Nine
     
    Connor, Sep 30, 2018
    #524
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  5. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    That took me a few minutes before the penny finally dropped :)
     
    Farnham_Red, Sep 30, 2018
    #525
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  6. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Sep 30, 2018
    #526
  7. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    ~ Policeman pull's over a drunk driver and asks him to take a breath test. The driver pulls out his NHS card which states - "This man is asthmatic, please do not make him submit a breath test"

    ~ Policeman asks him to take a blood test. Man pulls out a second NHS card - "This man is anaemic, please do not make him submit a blood test"

    ~ Policeman asks him to take a urine test. Man pulls out his season ticket - "This man is a Manchester United fan, please do not take the piss"
     
    Connor, Sep 30, 2018
    #527
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  8. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    I was sat with our lass the other day and a little urge came in my nether regions so I went upstairs for a quick one off the wrist.

    Our Lass,wondering where I was, then followed me up...caught me in the act and started a massive argument .....no wonder we got thrown off the bus ;)
     
    shenk1, Sep 30, 2018
    #528
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  9. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    I have sex with my wife almost everyday!


    Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday, almost on Wednesday...
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 1, 2018
    #529
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  10. Arc

    ArchieRed Well-Known Member

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    I had sex for 3 hours last night...


    We role-played as doctor and patient, and I was in the waiting room for 2 hours and 58 minutes.
     
    ArchieRed, Oct 1, 2018
    #530
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  11. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Went to doctors this morning and there was an unusual sign in the waiting room that said THIS IS NOT A RODEO.
    When I got in doctors office i asked him what was meant by the sign and he said when I came in this morning and went past the waiting room I heard someone say “ I hope he doesn’t throw me off “
     
    Marlon, Oct 1, 2018
    #531
  12. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 1, 2018
    #532
  13. Sta

    Stahlrost Well-Known Member

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    Not a joke, but a true story. Mate of mine went into a fish and chip shop in Whitby, asked for fish and chips twice and 2 breadcakes without butter. Lass behind the counter said "We've not got any butter, do you mind having them without margarine?". The expression on my mate's face was worth looking at as he tried to process the info.
     
    Last edited: Oct 1, 2018
    Stahlrost, Oct 1, 2018
    #533
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  14. thetykester

    thetykester Well-Known Member

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    Mary had a little lamb
    It ran into a pylon
    10'000 volts shot up it's arse
    and turned it's wool to nylon.
     
    thetykester, Oct 1, 2018
    #534
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  15. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    I just exchanged my bed for a trampoline.

    My wife hit the roof.
     
    arabian_ian, Oct 2, 2018
    #535
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  16. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Did you know there is no such thing as training for a bin man.
    You just pick it up as you go along.
     
    arabian_ian, Oct 2, 2018
    #536
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  17. Old Goat

    Old Goat Well-Known Member

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    Old Goat, Oct 3, 2018
    #537
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  18. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 5, 2018
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  19. Tyke_67

    Tyke_67 Well-Known Member

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    What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?




    A stick ...
     
    Tyke_67, Oct 9, 2018
    #539
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  20. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Oct 12, 2018
    #540
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