Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Del Rosso

    Del Rosso Well-Known Member

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    A daughter phones her mum in a distressed state saying 'Mum me waters have broke!' Mum says 'Where are you ringing from?' Daughter replies ' From me waist to me socks'
     
    Del Rosso, Jan 2, 2019
    #681
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  2. WorsbroughTyke44

    WorsbroughTyke44 Active Member

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    I invented a new word


    Plagiarism
     
    WorsbroughTyke44, Jan 2, 2019
    #682
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  3. Spa

    Sparkfield red Well-Known Member

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    ******** to the New Years Resalutions
    I promised I would give up smoking
    go on a diet,drinking,and having sex
    it was the worst 15 minutes of my ******* life
     
    Sparkfield red, Jan 4, 2019
    #683
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  4. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Police are hunting someone going around stabbing people with a knitting needle. They think he is following some sort of pattern.
     
    arabian_ian, Jan 6, 2019
    #684
  5. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    120E8695-B4E4-489E-9987-A0A56DB92AC8.jpeg
     
    Connor, Jan 6, 2019
    #685
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  6. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Mississ was wanting a boob job so I said only if I could have a tattoo the full length of my back but she said it’s just tit for tat
     
    Marlon, Jan 6, 2019
    #686
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  7. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    Just watched Groundhog Day. I think I may have seen it before.
     
    arabian_ian, Jan 7, 2019
    #687
  8. Sim

    Simon De Montforte Well-Known Member

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    Downloaded that "Bohemian Rhapsody" biopic on to my phone to watch.
    Quality wasn't very good, all I could see was a little silhouette of a man.
     
    Simon De Montforte, Jan 8, 2019
    #688
  9. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    Very,very frightening.
     
    Hooky feller, Jan 9, 2019
    #689
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  10. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    He wanted Gally’s lielow for some reason
     
    Marlon, Jan 9, 2019
    #690
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  11. Father Benny Cake

    Father Benny Cake Well-Known Member

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    After being married for forty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're an alphabet wife...

    A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

    She asks, "What the hell does that mean?"

    He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous and
    Hot".

    She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely but what about I, J, K?"

    He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

    The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.
     
    Father Benny Cake, Jan 10, 2019
    #691
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  12. fat

    fatalbert Well-Known Member

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    That actually made me Laff oot Loud.Cheers!
     
    fatalbert, Jan 10, 2019
    #692
  13. Jum

    Jumper Active Member

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    2 Irish men pass the job centre a Notice reads
    Tree fellers wanted Patrick says " just our luck Micheal there's only 2 of us"
     
    Jumper, Jan 10, 2019
    #693
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  14. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    I accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble tiles.. my next trip to the toilet could spell disaster!
     
    Austiniho, Jan 11, 2019
    #694
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  15. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    A petrol station owner in Ireland was trying to increase his sales, so he put up a sign that read, 'Free Sex with Fill-Up.'

    Paddy pulled in, filled his tank and asked for his free sex.
    The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10.
    If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.

    Paddy guessed 8, and the proprietor said, 'You were close.
    The number was 7. Sorry. No sex this time.'

    A week later, Paddy, along with his friend Mick, pulled in for another fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
    The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.

    Paddy guessed 2. The proprietor said, 'Sorry, it was 3.
    You were close, but no free sex this time.'

    As they were driving away, Mick said to Paddy,
    'I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really
    give away free sex at all.'

    Paddy replied, 'No it's genuine enough Mick.

    My wife won twice last week.'
     
    Connor, Jan 14, 2019
    #695
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  16. Jum

    Jumper Active Member

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    Brill 5
    Brill that one
     
    Jumper, Jan 14, 2019
    #696
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  17. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Young Nudger teks his cat to vets,

    Ayup, vet i need to talk to thee abart mi cat,

    Vet sez is it a tom,

    Young Nudger sez nay i've brought it wi us.
     
    Winker, Jan 14, 2019
    #697
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  18. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    upload_2019-1-15_18-7-56.jpeg
     
    Hooky feller, Jan 15, 2019
    #698
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  19. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Marlon and Connor walking darn Oakwell lane when a scuffle breaks out, police arrive and evrybody scatters,

    the police give chase and Marlon and Connor split up, its at this point Marlon hides in abin,

    just as hes feeling the police av gone, he ears a Police man say to his colleague when i catch the little ******** ILL STICK THIS TRUNCHEON UP THERE ARSES'

    at this point Marlon Squeals IM IN THE BIN
     
    Winker, Jan 17, 2019
    #699
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  20. Das

    Dassett tyke Active Member

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    How do you think the unthinkable?
    With an itheberg !
     
    Dassett tyke, Jan 17, 2019
    #700
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