Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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    RedStriker, Jul 1, 2019
    #1021
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  2. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    It was her first day solo on the beat after graduating from the police academy... And being the only wpc at her new placement and the weather being very warm.. she felt justified that she had ignored the advice of wearing uniform trousers and chosen the skirt option.. She felt free from any restrictions... She was so wrapped up in her thoughts she wasn't aware of the trouble that was to bestow her shortly as the side door on the white van parked in front off her slowly opened... She drew level and two sinister males dressed in black clothes and wearing balaclavas pounced and wrestled her into the van.. She gave as good as she got..
    During the struggle her knicker elastic snapped and her pants cascaded to the pavement.. Stepping out of them she delivered a powerful kick into the groin of one of her would be abductors but to no avail
    They were too powerfull and they soon over come her valoured attempts to fight them off...
    A member of the public witnessing the said scene but unable to intervene due to her mobility problem contacted the police...
    Within minutes the police were swarming in to the crime scence missing the van by hours..
    They cordoned off the area noting the police regulation knickers lying in the gutter with their now broken elastic on display...
    The forensic crime scene investigators studied the said pants and called in the dog handler and his dog
    Who promptly unleashed his German shepherd and ordered the dog to
    Sniff..and.. Fetch..
    The dog took several large sniffs and bolted down the street in the direction that the white van had taken followered closely by its handler and several other officers..
    The dog on passing the police station suddenly turned bounded up the steps charged though its doors and bit off 3 of the duty Sargents fingers...
     
    shed131, Jul 1, 2019
    #1022
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  3. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    Just got a job as senior director at Old MacDonald's Farm.

    I'm the CIEIO.
     
    Metatarsal, Jul 2, 2019
    #1023
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  4. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Sez to r lass last neight wen we got in, 4 ya Silver wedding anniversary, pick up that dart, throw it at that world wall chart, where it lands that the destination.

    Cant foookin believe it 2 weeks by the foookin skirting boards.
     
    Winker, Jul 4, 2019
    #1024
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  5. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Just bin darn to mates, r sez, r lass aint getting pregnant,

    Silly ******* sez as she got COIL IN.

    R sez got foookin coil in, the lazy foooka aint dun foookin POTS, either.
     
    Winker, Jul 4, 2019
    #1025
  6. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    Connor, Jul 7, 2019
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  7. Marlon

    Marlon Well-Known Member

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    Next next door neighbours mother in law is to come and stay for a few days next week .
    Saw him with the dog today and said r u going for a walk ?
    No he said I’m taking the dog to the vets to hav it’s tail amputated .
    What for I said is it troubling him ?
    No he replied I just don’t want any sign of welcome shen she comes that’ll make her stay any longer than she has to .
     
    Marlon, Jul 9, 2019
    #1027
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  8. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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    RedStriker, Jul 9, 2019
    #1028
  9. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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    RedStriker, Jul 9, 2019
    #1029
  10. tosh

    tosh Well-Known Member

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    tosh, Jul 10, 2019
    #1030
  11. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    And which point made you titter?
     
    arabian_ian, Jul 10, 2019
    #1031
  12. tosh

    tosh Well-Known Member

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    The rather erect straw.
     
    tosh, Jul 10, 2019
    #1032
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  13. Met

    Metatarsal Well-Known Member

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    I was on holiday in Egypt last week and saw a man standing in the river. He claimed he was not getting wet...

    He was definitely in denial.....
     
    Metatarsal, Jul 11, 2019
    #1033
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  14. Austiniho

    Austiniho Well-Known Member

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    Austiniho, Jul 11, 2019
    #1034
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  15. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    To the Person who stole my glasses. I will find you. I have contacts...
     
    TonyTyke, Jul 12, 2019
    #1035
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  16. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    FOOTBALLS BEST KEPT SECRET

    Did tha know 1 in 10 Sheff Wed fans,

    talk as much, Boll ocks, abart football as the other 9
     
    Winker, Jul 12, 2019
    #1036
  17. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Just bin caught avin sex by Daughter, embarrassing,

    R sez its ok we were just making you a baby brother,

    She sez why dunt ya do it doggy style an r can av a puppy instead.
     
    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019
    Winker, Jul 12, 2019
    #1037
  18. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    I was at a restaurant and said to the waitress ”Excuse me, can I ask you something about the menu please?” She kicked me out and said “The men I please are none of your business!”
     
    TonyTyke, Jul 12, 2019
    #1038
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  19. TonyTyke

    TonyTyke Well-Known Member

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    My boss was supposed to deliver a training course on Innuendo's in the workplace after many staff members complained about me. Unfortunately she wasn't well and couldn't attend, so I had to fill her slot instead!
     
    TonyTyke, Jul 12, 2019
    #1039
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  20. RedStriker

    RedStriker Well-Known Member

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    Religion in a nutshell.

    Apologies if you’re religious, no, wait...

    B73B9F44-A7B1-4EE3-A4F5-1D52A442D04F.jpeg
     
    RedStriker, Jul 12, 2019
    #1040
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