Following on from the Hilarious/Embarrassing Moments thread, and for newer members..... It was the FA cup semi-final weekend in April 2008. A group of us travelled down by train on the Saturday, including Fired, Hicksy, Gally, Loko and several others from the BBS and London Tykes. Another BBS member from the time, Guest 42 (who also happened to be my ex-wife), was with us and was booked into the same cheap hotel as me. This would later turn out to be a huge stroke of luck. Anyway, we travelled down by train on Saturday, and consumed copious quantities of various beverages on the way. This meant we were not as attentive as usual as we checked into our supposedly en-suite rooms. We just barged in, dumped our bags, quick splash and spray, and out again, to Loko's pub (at that time) somewhere near Chelsea – which was rather ironic as we'd of course disposed of them in the previous round. There was much mirth and merriment, and finally a taxi home about midnight, back to the hotel. Into the room, strip, crash, fast asleep. I need to point out at this stage that I don't wear anything at night. Not a stitch. Fast forward to about 5 in the morning, need a pee. Heave myself out of bed to the loo, not noticing that despite the description of the room as “en-suite”, the loo was actually outside my room door in a small foyer with a further door to the corridor. By now you've worked out that during the course of this manoeuvre I heard that horrible little “click” as the door quietly closed behind me. Yes, I'd locked myself out of my room. Bollok naked. A voice in my head said “you badly need a plan B here”. My first attempt at plan B was to try climbing out of the loo window and back into the adjacent bedroom window, which I'd conveniently opened the night before. However, on looking out, it was snowing heavily (honest!) and there was a 20 foot drop onto a glass roof. I considered the implications of someone spotting a naked man clambering about half way up a hotel wall in a blizzard and decided against it. I would have either impaled myself on some glass in a re-enactment of the famous scene from Ghost, or I would have got locked up. Either way I would have missed the match. Next thought was to break the door down. I gave it a few tentative prods and fiddled around with the knob. I only had one tool on me, and despite its usefulness in certain circumstances it was of no help whatsoever in this situation. Once again, I abandoned this solution as I could easily have ended up missing the match by being charged with criminal damage. Some of you may be thinking, why didn't he go to reception and asked to be let in? At this stage it's important to point out that the hotel had no reception. Well, it did, but it was across the road in a nearby hotel. I decided against running naked across Sussex Gardens in Bayswater, in a blizzard in the middle of the night. Eventually, the final solution dawned on me. I ripped the net curtain off the loo window and wrapped myself in it. Net curtains are commonly considered to be see-through, but trust me, if you wind one round you enough times it does actually become opaque. Now this is where the presence of my ex-wife, Guest 42, in another room comes in handy. I ran up 3 floors to her room and started banging on the door. Now put yourself in her position – she's fast asleep in a strange hotel at about 5am. Someone starts banging on her door, and at this stage she's no idea who it is. Eventually she finds out it's her ex-husband. She's no idea what he wants, but she's not under any circumstances letting him in. Meanwhile, he's stood petrified outside in the corridor, naked apart from a multi-layered net curtain around his waist, pleading to be let in. Finally she relented, let me in, laughed her t**s off and made a nice cup of tea. After what seemed like an age she eventually got a spare key from the reception across the road and fetched my clothes, and the problem was solved. I've no idea what I'd have done if Guest 42 had not had been in the same hotel. Of course, we all know what happened in the match, but a female BBS member (I can't reveal her name as I'd probably get Fired) later coined the famous line “If only Kayode was as good as Stahlrost at putting it in the net”.
I so sorry to have laughed so much at your distress. I can only hope that the intervening years have made it one of those stories you tell over a beverage or two. Thanks for the tale of woe!
Love that story... And I also feel your embarrassment lol similar thing happened to me in a hotel in Hull..we had come off the ship myself and a mixed party of crew to attend a 3 day training session shoreside mid watch ...yes another story about too much ale consumption... I remember I Woke up around 3am and needed a pee...massively still under the influence of the ale from the last man standing drinking competition wed all started on arriving in the hotel bar around 2pm the previous day.. I Recalled at the time when dropping my bag off... The strangeness of the actual set up of both the bathroom door and its positioning to the Angle of the Room and the room door it's self it was weird. I even thought at the time whilst sober I Bet this can get confusing and can cause problems.at the best of times... I even ran a little scene through my mind lol.... of opening the wrong door thinking it was the bathroom whilst stood there naked chuckling to myself...oh NO it couldnt...lol but I bet its happened... And so fast forward it came to pass.. That I got up from my alter of forgiveness ( my bed) to use the bathroom ..stepped through the wrong door but for some reason I closed it behind me habit I assume and yes... Totally naked...found my self locked out of my room.. Now . Its surprising how firstly you stand there bewildered a puzzled look emphasised by your brow wondering am I dreaming have I really got out of bed when suddenly you come to your senses and become aware lol... Well I stood there 4 floors up from reception contemplating what to do next... Praying no bugger would see me let alone my ship mates No plants no net curtains to hide my embarrassment... I stood there doing a little dance ritual as you do a mixture of busting for the loo coldness from mild shock contemplating my next move nothing for it I've got to take a deep breath and head for reception whilst hoping and praying I don't bump into any of the guests... suddenly the lift that I was facing shook into action.... What the... I'd not pressed any buttons...I could hear the sound of muffled voices and laughter I watched the lift slowly indicate 1st floor it rattled to a stop the doors opened they closed then silence before once again noisely setting off 2 3... Level 4... It stopped I froze.. Fully expecting to find a lift full of revelers exiting on my floor.... I recoiled back... The doors opened... I lowered my head trying to avert my eyes when I voice said... Good morning sir looks like one as a little problem..... No **** sherlock it's cold.i thought.. OoOh yes I replied I ve taken the wrong door on my way to the bathroom.... Happens at least 3 or 4 times a month came the reply from the night porter.chuckling .usually around the same time too... in fact it happens that much we monitor the cameras... CAMERAS.... yes sir to save folk coming down to reception... He duly let me back into my room I thanked him... I couldn't shake his hand though lol it wouldn't have been inappropriate at the time....
