Todays Cartoon

Viz tips-


Foil lip readers by sticking a post-it note under your nose.

 

he wrote them ;-)

 

Or by wearing a COVID mask, to bring it back to the original post !

 

Viz tips-


Why waste money on expensive egg timers. Simply put an egg on the boil then get in your car and drive away at 60mph. After 3 minutes phone your wife and tell her to turn off the hob.

 

I just looked at Niggle Magazine's website and wished I hadn't. What a load of unfunny, unimaginative racist *****.

 

Tbh they were the best bit of Viz..

 

Viz tips-

Town councillors-

Help reduce litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks.

 

Viz tips-

Motorists-

If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you simply honk your horn a few times and wave your arms frantically. This should help speed up the recovery process.

 

Viz tips-

Save money on batteries by putting them in clocks only when you wish to know the time.

 

Viz tips-

Husbands-

Cheer yourself up by watching your wedding video in reverse. That way you can see yourself handing back the ring,walking back up the aisle and making a quick getaway in the wedding car.

 

Viz tips-

Get yourself an eco friendly hair-net by simply walking through a cobweb.

 

Viz tips-

Convince your friends you can play the trombone by standing behind a screen and farting into a watering can.

 

Viz tips-

A ladder turned upside down can make an ideal implement for getting down off of things.

 

Viz tips-

Motorists-

Avoid expensive garage bills by turning you car radio up to full volume whenever your engine makes a strange noise.

 

Viz tips-

Fitness instructors-


Help fat people lose weight by asking them to do sit ups and gluing a scotch egg on both their feet.

 

Viz tips-


Increase you chances of starring in a Richard Curtis film by being Hugh Grant or Colin Firth.

 

Viz tips-

By tapping two pistachio nuts against one another it gives the impression that a small horse is approaching.

 

Viz tips-

Avoid getting caught using your mobile phone at the wheel by placing it inside a large shell. That way the police will just assume that you are just trying to hear the sea.

 

My favourite top tip;

Annoy MC Hammer by touching things.

as for the OP - hilarious...

 

Viz tips-


To avoid that annoying clanking sound you hear when you put a full load in the washing machine remove all zips and buttons then when the washing is clean and dry then simply sew back on.