Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. Con

    Connor Well-Known Member

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    0EAC3BE2-2AE3-42A5-BAF1-88FEEBEE165C.jpeg
     
    Connor, Mar 1, 2022
    #2901
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  2. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Right, just my opinion, but, this is one war the the British should stay out of.
    Russia have soldiers who punch holes in trees and love street fighting with bears.
    Their kids get taught weapons training and get told how to wipe out a person with a can opener.
    Here in UK, you have grown men dancing around like garden fairies on Tik Tok, wearing guy-liner and manscara, who can’t decide if they are male or a 2 slice toaster and also have their manginas waxed fortnightly.
    So, Boris, don't get involved for **** sake!!..
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Mar 2, 2022
    #2902
  3. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    The missis woke up in hospital after a vaginal tuck, to find 3 bunches of flowers on her window sill.
    One from the surgeon " All went well".
    One from me “Love you, get well soon".❤️
    One from Dennis in the burns unit "Thanks for the new ears"
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Mar 2, 2022
    #2903
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  4. BrunNer

    BrunNer Well-Known Member

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    BrunNer, Mar 2, 2022
    #2904
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  5. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    Bought my Mrs some flowers as a surprise, she said "I bet I'll have to open my legs won't I?"

    I said, "no, just stick them in a vase"
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 2, 2022
    #2905
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  6. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    Two dyslexics in the gents:
    "Can you smell something funny?"

    "Nah mate, I can't even smell my own name"
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 2, 2022
    #2906
  7. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    Goldfish swims into a wall.
    *Dam".
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 2, 2022
    #2907
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  8. Andy Mac

    Andy Mac Well-Known Member

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    Bread roll walks into a pub, "pint please"

    "Sorry, we don't serve food"
     
    Andy Mac, Mar 2, 2022
    #2908
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  9. Brush

    Brush Well-Known Member

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    Pandemic version; "Sorry, we only serve substantial meals."
     
    Brush, Mar 3, 2022
    #2909
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  10. cor

    cornwall tyke Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
     
    cornwall tyke, Mar 3, 2022
    #2910
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  11. Bossman

    Bossman Well-Known Member

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    You offer someone a sincere compliment on their new moustache ....... And suddenly she's not your friend anymore!!
     
    Bossman, Mar 3, 2022
    #2911
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  12. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    shenk1, Mar 3, 2022
    #2912
  13. shenk1

    shenk1 Well-Known Member

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    shenk1, Mar 3, 2022
    #2913
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  14. Tek

    Tekkytyke Well-Known Member

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    Would be funny but unfortunately too likely to be true. Anyone still have any doubts that Putin has completely lost the plot?
     
    Tekkytyke, Mar 4, 2022
    #2914
  15. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    dreamboy3000, Mar 4, 2022
    #2915
  16. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    Farnham_Red, Mar 5, 2022
    #2916
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  17. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    Here's one of the "better" ones from Tony Blackburn's listeners this morning:

    This bloke is married to a girl called Lorraine but he starts to have an affair with a lady called Claire Lee. Lorraine finds out and puts a stop to it. However, the lack of trust eventually leads to divorce.

    The bloke goes out with his mate to celebrate and says that he has never forgotten about Claire and says to his mate:

    "I can see Claire Lee now Lorraine has gone".

    In my defence, I did put better in parentheses.
     
    Didcot Red, Mar 5, 2022
    #2917
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  18. KyoteTyke

    KyoteTyke Well-Known Member

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    The coronation street one is better when Ken thought he could get his wife back following the death of her lover …

    “I can see Deidre now Samir has gone!”
     
    KyoteTyke, Mar 5, 2022
    #2918
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  19. shed131

    shed131 Well-Known Member

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    Resident's in Cudworth overlooking the Grimethope area once the demolition and regeneration started
    Began ....singing ....I can see Brierley now that the coalites gone
     
    shed131, Mar 5, 2022
    #2919
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  20. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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    Getting petrol this morning, I noticed the person before me on pump 3 got £10 worth! Where were they going? …To pump 4!
     
    North Yorks Red, Mar 5, 2022
    #2920
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