Someone keeps sending me messages of a bunch of flower with their heads chopped off, I'm being stalked.
Frenchman, an Italian and a barnsley lad are discussing who makes the best lovers. French fella says. "When I make love to my wife, I kiss her neck and she rises one foot off the ground" Italian guy says. "When I make love to my wife, I kiss her breasts and she rises three feet off the ground" barnsley lad laughs and says. "That's nowt, when I make love to my wife, I get up and wipe my **** on t'curtains and she goes through t'roof"
Decent line up of local bands near me this weekend, The radiators,just a warm up act,the duvets,mainly a covers band,cats eyes,tend to play middle of the road stuff and the missing cats.dont know much about them but I've seen their posters.
I used to be in a band called “Prevention”. We nearly made it big. Loads of people said we were better than The Cure.
Went to the cake shop in Wombwell and I asked "how much are the éclairs?" They are a pound "What about the gateaux?" A pound "What about the custard slice?" A pound "And what about the one next to them ?" 3 quid "Why are they so expensive?" .... They're mediera cakes
An american college football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, "I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed maths, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a maths question, and if you get it right, you can play." The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, "Okay, now concentrate... what is two plus two?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4?" "Did you say 4?!?" the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"
Ar lass went out last night so I started to watch the England game.She arrived home suddenly,out of the blue,so I quickly put some porn on the TV and pulled my trousers down to avoid any embarrassment.