Back stories: Wide Al Cockchops - Flamboyant cheeky Cockernee conman who got his comeuppance when his mates took him to a tattooist who drew a **** and balls on both sides of his face during a particular drunken Jolly Boys outing to Southend-on-Sea. "Digestives" McVitie - stick-thin 40 a day smoker who despite his nickname is actually gluten-intolerant meaning that eating biscuits make him **** uncontrollably. Peggy-Sue Gotmarried - All-American high school mean girl with a bubble-gum addiction. Failed to get on cheerleading squad for last four years running. "Specky" Moore-Agendo - visually impaired Barnsley fan who always tries his best to make a fresh start but can't seem to shake off the overwhelming urge to sell all his prized possessions to fund his designer frames habit. Racist Leroy - Tory leadership candidate who developed his appalling right-wing tendencies at Eton having constantly been put forward for various minority-only shortlists despite both parents being white, ginger quantity surveyors from Surbiton.
Are these Tory leadership candidates, or potential league 1 strikers, or both? Edit: Nevermind, just seen Matt Emulsion's name up there. He's has a great goalscoring record in the Johnston's paint trophy.
Bond Villain - has a shaved head, white cat, aluminium teeth, and a warehouse full of gold spray paint. Little Micks (tribute band) - a Little Mix tribute band consisting of 4 small, middle aged men named Mick. Gloria Hole - entrepreneur who fills in pot holes without permission and invoices local councils. Cliff Edge - obnoxious adrenaline junkie, only drinks red bull, hasn't slept in 7 years, vegan except for blackseed honey.
Mike Scarpitts is a local legend in the Town of Batley in Leeds. With a blonde dyed mullet he was known for laying almost 10,000 women. You'd almost call it a shag pile.
