Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

  1. Farnham_Red

    Farnham_Red Administrator Staff Member Admin

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    serves her right for littering and throwing books in the sea
     
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  2. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife !"

    That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night !

    He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night."

    She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"
    John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

    "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John !" Mary said.

    The next day, Mary ran into one of John 's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, " John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary."

    She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".
     
  3. North Yorks Red

    North Yorks Red Well-Known Member

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  4. sadbrewer

    sadbrewer Well-Known Member

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    From the Small Ads

    £100 Reward for lost dog.
    Black Labrador, 4yrs old, only 3 legs and 1 ear...recently been castrated.
    Answers to the name of Lucky.
     
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  5. arabian_ian

    arabian_ian Well-Known Member

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    This is not at all funny.
    IMG_3227.JPG
     
  6. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Superman soaring above the city, looks darn an sees Wonder Woman laid bare legs a kimbo, thinks fookin hell i'm in ere so swoops like a bullet, penetrates her and its over in a flash, Wonder Woman sez wot the foook was that, an the invisible man sez fooook knows but my arse is sore.
     
  7. Acido Tyke

    Acido Tyke Well-Known Member

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    Ahh this brings back memories, of how not to buy rubbers in the mucky pub bogs. :D


     
  8. John Peachy

    John Peachy Well-Known Member

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    Connor and Brush like this.
  9. Brush

    Brush Well-Known Member

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  10. Tarntyke

    Tarntyke Well-Known Member

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  11. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    A lad comes home from school with two black eyes:

    His dad says. "What the **** have you been doing?"

    Lad: "A boy hit me with a piece of wood!"

    Dad: "You should of stood up for yourself son. Did you not have anything in your hands?"

    Lad: "Yeah... his girlfriends tits!!..
     
  12. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Last night I got drunk, so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and socks. The lot! I crept up very quietly and it was only when I got to the top of the stairs I realised I was on the bloody bus to Rotherham
     
  13. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    Hooky feller likes this.
  14. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    The Three Musketeers Football Club have had some good pre-season results…

    4-1
    4-1
    4-1
    4-1
    4-1
    4-1
    4-4
     
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  15. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    16BCE3C7-BF93-4A9F-8F74-8EFBE2E67599.jpeg 16BCE3C7-BF93-4A9F-8F74-8EFBE2E67599.jpeg
     
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  16. Exi

    Exile Well-Known Member

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  17. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any undies?" her husband demanded. "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."
    The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

    Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!
    You've no undies. Why not?" She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me." He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency,
    here's £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

    Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie!
    Where the are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any."
    The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,
    "Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!"
     
  18. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Wee Hughie was awakened by a noise in his parents' room.
    He went to their door and, wide-eyed, watched them having sex.
    "Dad? What are you and Mum doing?"
    His startled father kept his cool. "Well, you know how you want a baby brother?" "Yeah." "Well, I'm a putting a little brother into Mum for you."
    "Oh. Okay." Wee Hughie went back to his room and Dad was pleased with his on-the-spot answer.
    The next day, when Dad got home from work, he found Wee Hughie crying. "What's wrong, son?"
    "Dad! Ye know my little brother? that you put in Mum ?" "Yeah?" Dad nervously replied.
    "This morning, the postman ate him!"
     
  19. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    I was walking through Mexborough today, when I was stopped by a representative from Aquafresh Toothpaste.

    She said, "Did you know that the average person only brushes 30% of their teeth?"

    I said, "We're in Mexborough love, the average person only has 30% of their teeth."
     
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  20. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    my son got his gcse results today
    English- c
    maths- u
    history- n
    science- t
    he is going to apply for to be a leeds fan
     
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