Made me laugh

Discussion in 'Bulletin Board' started by Connor, Feb 25, 2018.

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  1. dreamboy3000

    dreamboy3000 Well-Known Member

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    dreamboy3000, Dec 15, 2022
    #3501
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  2. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Number 11…..is that Stretch our photographer lol
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 16, 2022
    #3502
  3. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    So this man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire pay cheque. When He finally appeared at home, Sunday Night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?" To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."
    Monday went by and he didn't see his wife.
    Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
    Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 16, 2022
    #3503
    ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon, Hooky feller, Dalestykes and 2 others like this.
  4. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    ⚠️BREAKING NEWS⚠️
    Due to NHS receptionist going on strike, patients are now able to see doctors!
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 16, 2022
    #3504
    sadbrewer, ronnieGlavinsB@stardSon, Dalestykes and 3 others like this.
  5. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Grim British places that sound worth visiting when renamed...

    8. Halifax = Halifornia
    7. Scarborough = Scarbados
    6. Featherstone = Featherly Hills
    5. Balham = The Balhamas
    4. Leeds = Los Angeleeds
    3. Spennymoor = Spennydorm
    2. Pontefract = Ponte Carlo
    1. Bramley = The Big Apple……. See also: Bish Vegas (Bishop Auckland), Bos Vegas (Boscombe), Bas Vegas (Basildon), Cas Vegas (Castleford), Glas Vegas (Glasgow), Staly Vegas (Stalybridge), and Skegvegas = Skegness
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 16, 2022
    #3505
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  6. Did

    Didcot Red Well-Known Member

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    When I asked the current Mrs. DR what she would like for Christmas, she said "Anything with diamonds".

    I have got her a pack of cards.
     
    Didcot Red, Dec 17, 2022
    #3506
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  7. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Its that fffffffffeckin freezin in our house, when i open the front door the light comes on.❄
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 17, 2022
    #3507
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  8. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Ann Summers have brought out a new gadget to help men find the clitoris and G spot on their ladies.

    They're hoping the "TwatNav" will be a best seller this Christmas
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 17, 2022
    #3508
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  9. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    To all my family and friends... This Christmas I won't be giving out cards and gifts instead I will be making a donation to all public house landlords in the Wath area
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 17, 2022
    #3509
    Red Watch and Didcot Red like this.
  10. Red

    Red-Taff. Well-Known Member

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    Gareth Southgate taking a well-earned holiday in Dublin - bumped into a leprechaun who offered him one wish.
    G. S. asked 'Can I live forever.' 'Sorry' said leprechaun, we don't grant that wish anymore.

    G. S. paused then asked the leprechaun 'Can I live until England win the World Cup?' -----
    Cunning beggar said leprechaun.
     
    Red-Taff., Dec 17, 2022
    #3510
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  11. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Had to rush our puppy to the vets earlier after the little ****** ate the christmas tree lights .
    When the vet made a fuss of him and said you will be alright , his little face lit up...........
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 20, 2022
    #3511
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  12. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    On the twelve days of Christmas Yorkshire gave to meeeeee:
    12 White Roses
    11 Homing Pigeons
    10 Bread cakes
    9 Bradford Curries
    8 Pints a beer
    7 Pork pies
    6 lumps a coal
    5 Stooooooolen Rings
    4 Racing Whippets
    3 Flat caps
    2 Yorkshire puds
    And a nice mug of Yorkshire Teeeeeeeeeeea..........
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 20, 2022
    #3512
  13. Hooky feller

    Hooky feller Well-Known Member

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    St.Peter was manning the Pearly Gates when 40 Liverpool fans showed up. Never having seen anyone from Liverpool at heaven's door, St. Peter said he would have to check with God. After hearing the news, God instructed him to admit the 10 most virtuous from the group.


    A few minutes later, Saint Peter returned to God breathless and said, "They're gone."
    "What? All of the Liverpool fans are gone?"     asked God.

    "No" replied Saint Peter "The Pearly Gates!"
     
    Hooky feller, Dec 21, 2022
    #3513
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  14. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Just been darn an got our Christmas tree from B an M's, assistant said are you putting that up yourself, are said no its going up in the dining room,
     
    Winker, Dec 22, 2022
    #3514
    Tyke The Tree-Frog and Hooky feller like this.
  15. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
    One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the **** was missing.
    He knew about **** fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.
    During mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a ****?" All the men stood up.
    "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a ****?" All the women stood up.
    "No, no," he said, "that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my ****?"
    Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up!!..........
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 22, 2022
    #3515
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  16. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Sex therapists say the most effective way a woman can arouse a man is to lick his ears....
    Personally I think it's ********!!!……..
    I was at a wedding reception when the DJ announced
    'All the married men out there go and stand by the person who makes ur life worth living'......
    The poor barman was almost crushed to death....
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 22, 2022
    #3516
    Simon De Montforte likes this.
  17. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    Breaking news. Barnsley FC have just signed a new striker. Which is good because we certainly need a new Santa Forward.Happy Christmas all.
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 22, 2022
    #3517
    e-red, Tyke The Tree-Frog and Simon De Montforte like this.
  18. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    Gransons just been rarnd, teld us he's gerrin cicumcised in January, i said i had that done when i was abart a week old, he said, did it hurt, i said well i could'nt walk for at least another year.
     
    Winker, Dec 22, 2022
    #3518
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  19. dearnevalleyviper

    dearnevalleyviper Well-Known Member

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    : .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. .
    .: ::. .. :.: :.. .:.. :..::. :.:. ..:: :..: ::: ..:. . ..:.:. .:. ...:.:. :.:.: ..:.. :.::. ::..:. .:. :...: ..:.. :....::. :..: :... :. ..:: .::. ::::.. ....:: .: :. ..::.. .:.:.:. ...::. ::.....:
    Merry Christmas, from Stevie Wonder!!..
     
    dearnevalleyviper, Dec 22, 2022
    #3519
  20. Winker

    Winker Well-Known Member

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    To all my fellow Barnsley fans, alway's look on the brighter side of life,

    Happy Christmas, one an all, you cant get on a train,
    the border force are striking, so you cant get on a plane,
    the nurses on the picket line, feel underpaid and wronged,
    and if you need an ambulance, it could be prolonged.
    There's no Turkey on the table, the blighter's got the flu,
    but here's a yuletide sausage, you'll av to do,
    Let's raise a glass of water, with blanket's on our knee's.
    And drink to festive meriment, while we fooookin freeze.

    Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas, C,O,Y,R,
     
    Winker, Dec 23, 2022
    #3520
    dearnevalleyviper, Simon De Montforte and Tyke The Tree-Frog like this.
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