Some footballers are a bit mollycoddled or perhaps just not very clever......

My daughter is a chaffeur and sometimes picks up / drops off England players. She took one of the England men's senior squad members to St George's Park yesterday for example. Anyway, she received a call an hour ago to drive to the home of one of the other squad members. She has to drive to his house and collect his boots - he's forgotten to bring them with him! I'd better not name the player as I don't want to get her into trouble.

Whilst laughing about that she also told me that when collecting players for away matches she's told to check they have their passport with them. Despite players saying yes, she's twice had to drive back to their house as they later realised they hadn't!

 

Aye not like when ar worrra lad.

I remember playing at Holgate when I was about 14. It was winter and we were on the top field. ‘Siberia’ they called it. Everybody was blue with cold. Anyway, I was in goal and somebody hoofed that sodden, 10 ton Casey at me. I tipped it over the bar but it caught a finger really badly. I was in agony. The master came across and had a look. He told me to walk to the hospital to have it looked at and waved play on. I staggered off to the hospital on my own, still in muddy kit.
At A& E they found I’d broken the finger so they strapped it up and I walked down to the bus station still in my kit and got the bus back to Birdwell.

And you try telling that to England players today.

 

Taxi driver I know does same for Liverpool players- they don't have to do a thing someone at club sorts out everything for them. Sorts out bills etc ... they don't have to lift a finger

 

I made my school debut in a pair of polyvelts as our teacher had forgotten to tell us there was a game. It was like playing with 2 big slices of boiled ham on my feet.

 

My wife once left a suitcase on a train, so we had to get the next train to the terminating station to recover it. We then got the train back, and somehow managed to leave the suitcase on it...

 

Becketts or St Helens

 

I mean, we're all human to be fair.

I've gone to 5 a side without my boots and gloves before (I play in goal before anyone starts).

I was once going to Germany with Barnsley College, and we were all asked to check whether we'd got our passport. I felt mine in my pocket and thought nothing more of it. Just as we got passed town end roundabout, a few of my mates were comparing passport photos, I got my passport out to check how embarrassing mine was and that's when I realised I'd picked up my mums passport!

The coach had to turn around and drive to Cudworth so I could pick up my passport. We missed the ferry.

I've also lost my passport before, 2 days before going on holiday.

 

That raises a question. At what point does a taxi driver become a chauffeur?

 

When they put their gloves on.

 

I lost a passport once and needed it for a charity bike ride to France. Turned my room upside down checked absolutely everwhere, could not find it anywhere. Gave it up as a bad job and ordered a new one on fast track so I could make the trip. Found it a couple of months later, I'd left it under the scanner lid on my printer/scanner. I must have scanned it in for something and left it.

 

This is a true story about one of the most stressful 12 hours I’d had. Me and mate due to travel to Thailand, The afternoon before the morning we were due to travel our passports were still at the Thai Embassy in London. Called at the Travel Agents in Wombwell who duly rang Thai Embassy. They found our applications but said they couldn’t be processed until the next day. The advised that the Thai Consulate in Hull could do themthem same day, but obviously needed the Passport. The Lady travel agent was immense. She ordered a Motorbike courier to collect our passport and visa applications from the Embassy and put them on the next Train from Kings Cross to Donny. We then we went on mate’s motorbike from Tarn and picked them up and then went on to Hull. We arrived half- hour before closing but it took only about 10 minutes to process them. That wasn’t the end, Next morning and About 45 mins before train was due to leave Sheffield I was still sat at home waiting on mate’s brother to pick me up. He’d had a bit of car trouble but arrived a few minutes after. He was a driving instructor so there was no way he was going to break any speed limits to get there. Just as we boarded the train the doors closed, The shear relief was shown as we both cracked out laughing the other passengers must’ve thought we were nuts. Oh, and what a fantastic holiday. We called back at the Travel agents with a nice pressie for that brilliant Lady.

 

A chauffeur drives one client around all day (might be a different client on different days). A taxi driver drives different clients on the same day.

One also drives a nicer model of car.

 

Back in the early 90s, we went interrailling. Due to depart July 1st, we all applied for Polish visas back in May. 3 of the 4 of us had our passports and visas returned - except for my mate. He had to arrange an emergency trip to Liverpool for a new passport. Off we set at 5:30 Monday morning for London - and his passport arrives in the post that very day. Seeing as only 3 of us had visas, we couldn't go to Poland - and I still haven't been.

I'm not going to admit that I turned up to buy the tickets on the Saturday before we went and I'd forgotten my passport. I wouldn't do something that daft...

Apart from the time we drove across from Yukon to Alaska on the "Top of the World Highway" and arrived at the border post near the town of Chicken and my passport was nowhere to be found. It was a 1000 mile diversion to rejoin the road where it enters Yukon again. Luckily, under pressure from the wife and a border guard who found the funny side, I remembered it was in my coat from when I'd collected the rental car a week earlier

 

When he has a very posh car and he makes more driving Liverpool players around than picking up plebs like me. Takes Sky pundits down to London as well

 

Posting error..!

 

When they have teenage kids..

 

Christ, Siberia, forgot about that pleasure. Had three memorable games on that pitch. Playing a school game we suddenly noticed that everybody with fine hair suddenly found their hair pointing northwards due to the static in the air. “Sir, do you think we ought to end this practice session before one of us gets struck by lightning?” Another time we noticed the sky was turning pitch black all around us, but there was one circle of clear sky directly above us. It was weird and I’ve never seen anything like it since. “Sir, do you think we need to finish this lesson now before we get swept away in a tornado?”

The third one was a Sunday morning. We had a regular Sunday morning game between my mates and a team put together by a lad we knew from school. I used to finish working at Whispers at 3 and be on the field for 10, half asleep. Soon woke up this day though, because it was bitterly cold, even by Siberia standards. Within an hour the snow was coming down thick. It was sodding freezing up there. One of our lads decided he’d had enough and was going home. We gave him the requisite abuse and off he went. 10 minutes later I got the ball in the middle of the park. It was difficult to see more than 10 yards in front of you, but we were determined we weren’t going to be the team to call a halt, particularly as we were trailing. Anyway, I ran forward and then heard a shout for the ball up to my right. It was my mate who I thought had left 10 minutes earlier. When I later asked him why he changed his mind, he said his hands were so cold that he couldn’t unfasten his laces to get his boots off and put his trainers back on, so he figured he might as well stay!

You haven’t really played football unless you’ve played on Siberia.

 

They say that sometimes the bones of lads who never made it back are found up there.... only identifiable by scraps of cloth in their house colours.

 

Sort of makes sense especially when you think of foreign players coming over. They earn so much it would probably seem mundane to them sorting out who to get broadband with or which energy supplier to use.